


Long Distance Nerdship

by KASPIAN (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Awkward fanboy Kyungsoo, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff and Crack, Identity Issues, Internet famous Jongin, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KASPIAN
Summary: Kyungsoo lowkey stalks Kim_Kai's Instagram account, and the unthinkable happens.





	1. THE EIGHT SIN

 

Kyungsoo has committed a gruel mistake.

This sin doesn’t need to be written down for people to curl their toes and understand the horror.

This is the absolute worst.

Now  **kim_kai** has an extra notification on his instagram account vaguely different from the other ones, because Kyungsoo has had his nose in Kai’s pictures for the past hour just scrolling through the 1000+ entries of smaller sneak peeks on dance videos, pictures of ‘yummy’ food, silly faces drawn on objects, some  _ (very interesting) _ stomach reveals and selfies.

And Kyungsoo?

Yeah.

His fingers have gotten a little smudgy from the bagel he’s eating in the café, and when he wants to scroll down to get a view of the last cute selfie of straight pearly-whites bared for the world to see, he smears some of the grease on the screen and tries to rub it away, but ends up tapping it. 

Twice.

He ends up giving it a  **‘like’** . 

This photo was taken 103 weeks ago from when Kai had started his instagram account.

It’s the very first picture.

Meaning Kyungsoo has just revealed his status as a little fanboy meddling into a sort of famous blogger's account.

Other people might have possibly done it too, and some might’ve gone all in. 

But this is Kyungsoo, and he’s a boy - and not a part of the visible fandom who openly thirsts after this cross of a model, dancer and vlogger.

Kyungsoo stops amidst the next bite, and his teeth don’t manage to sink into the bagel before he shuts his eyes tightly and swallows so hard his adam’s apple might follow suit.

He puts the bagel down, and then his phone too - locks the screen just to stare down at his own lap while he contemplates the span of reality.

Then the tremor comes, the horrid realization of what just happened.

Because Kyungsoo just wants to casually stalk beautiful people - like lots of other people do, right. 

Not many wants to get called out on it unless it’s someone living overseas and you’ve got a clique of friends who can stalk the person with you - doing this  _ fun _ thing together.  If you’re a fangirl with a fandom surrounding this guy, then fine - that’s cool.

Yet if you’re not supposed to do so due to the norms of society or simply because creeping has a limit, it’s something else.

Kyungsoo is just a nineteen year old college student who’s got enough on his mind, and maybe he’s overreacting, but for the next couple of minutes he’s rubbing his temples while he thinks  **_‘is this the reality you wanted?’_ **

The logic part of his brain tells him that of course, Kai isn’t going to notice him or see him. Judging by Kyungsoo’s username,  **d.odorant** , that has a sheepish picture of a pororo plush attached as the profile picture, it shouldn’t be anything out of the norm, really - or an eyecatch for that matter. 

Out of the hundreds notifications Kai gets, he shouldn’t see  _ that one. _

However, the other part of Kyungsoo’s brain tells him he has just served his ass and revealed his undying love and dedication to a guy he has had a crush on for over two years, who’s  _ a year younger _ and still in high school. 

Kim Kai, or just  **_Kai_ ** , is an all-rounder guy on the internet. He’s not bulbous in fame, but he’s got a mark on many girls overseas, and maybe some fanboys there within.

Like Kyungsoo, but Kyungsoo isn’t a fan, really.

But yes, he is, and despite the years he’s followed Kai on both Youtube, Instagram and Tumblr, he  _ still  _ doesn’t want to admit aloud that he might like this guy. 

It might have something to do with Kai’s  _ stupid  _ smile, his  _ stupid _ abs, the  _ stupid  _ inspirational messages he leaves for his fangirls. Maybe also his smooth voice and seal grin when he vlogs and talks about his dancing or reviews books (and  **oh** , he has got both brain  _ and  _ muscle -  **_shit_ ** .)

It all started a long time ago when Kyungsoo, a victim of a severe tumblr addiction, spotted a row of selfies of a cute guy whose caption said:  _ ‘’Summer’s here! :D’’  _

Kyungsoo normally scrolls past.

He didn’t that time, and that was mistake number one.

He had just turned seventeen and found out that Kai had a little more than some good-looking selfies, but also a youtube account wherein the guy did dance covers of music and occasionally small reviews on things his fans wanted him to comment on. 

Kyungsoo remembers Kai’s videos back then when his voice still cracked over sometimes - when he would stutter on screen and scratch his cheek five times during a sentence and end it with a ‘’but it’s just my opinion’’ when he talked about a new book or said ‘’thank you for the support’’ in the end of the dance videos, and turned out to be a little more observant than other peers around the age of sixteen.

Since then, Kai has grown in fame - it flared when he started doing his own choreographies and when his selfie game stepped up from being _‘cute’_ to **_‘hot damn’_** once the real puberty spurt came along; his voice getting deeper and height increasing, and he’s apparently just recently started modelling and gets paid for it.

Other than that, Kai posted and still posts videos of his dogs in general and mass reblogs cute animals on Tumblr. Just to rub some salt into the wound, he also reblogs anime series like One Piece and comments on those too. 

Kyungsoo would spend some minutes each day reading a newly written review or just some answers on Kai’s tumblr account, perk up when a new dance cover was up or when Kai did a collab with other famous youtubers, like the dancer ulzzang guy  _ Qter-than-u _ Sehun,  _ Gangsta_Boi  _ Moonkyu and  _ Groovylad _ Taemin, in that matter.

And altogether, Kai is good-looking - a romantic at heart, a dog-lover, a dancer and an observant guy with a silly laugh and too many ‘:D’ smileys and a smile that emphasizes this, or no smileys at all and good grammar and a reflective way of perceiving things.

While Kyungsoo on the sideline is just a skinny dude in college who looks like the korean version of Harry Potter with his round glasses he’ll need so that he isn’t as blind as a bat. In addition, when he uses contact lenses he squints his eyes too much due to his astigmatism and looks like he wants to commit homicide, resulting that younger peers have always been a bit afraid of him.

He cries over Prince of Tennis episodes, drinks too much coffee to stay alive, strings a guitar while he does super-short and secret covers of disney songs on instagram, takes a selfie every third month and is known for being a little strange or severely devoid of face expressions in public.

This is considered  _ Young Love _ nowadays; to stalk someone you barely know on social media and to mold an emotional attachment to someone who’s never going to notice you, be it a blogger, a celebrity or an idol. 

Even if it’s pretty common, Kyungsoo still feels ashamed though he’s not the only fanboy out there, because he doesn’t want to have a crush on Kai, and it’s stupid because Kai is just never going to notice him, or know he exists out of the followers he has on youtube. He’s  never going to see tumblr user  _ ‘terminator-squish’ _ like and connect with the midnight philosophies Kai will put out sometimes.

Kyungsoo  _ knows  _ he’s panicking over nothing, but he still grimaces enough for his friend, Minseok, to raise a brow and ask ‘’Can’t cope with another favorite character dying?’’

They’ve been sitting here for more than an hour, originally intending to study, but Minseok is playing the outlawed version of Flappy Bird on his phone while his computer is open with the project they’re supposed to work on in the background.

‘’No, no-’’ Kyungsoo flaps a hand in the air and clears his throat, adjusting his t-shirt out of a nervous habit. He’s suddenly not so hungry anymore, and the  _ lowkey _ obsession he has with Kai is starting to dawn on him. 

‘’You okay?’’ Minseok bids in then and puts the phone on the table, eyebrow still arched.

He’s an earthbound guy who happens to know about Kyungsoo’s little crush and also the mole on his right ass cheek, a freetime football player who has  _ ‘ball 4 lyfe’  _ spelled out with a permanent marker on his thigh from the recent game, even though it applies to basketball and Minseok just doesn’t care.

‘’Yes,’’ Kyungsoo’s eyebrows nearly fly up his hairline while he makes some robotic movements with his hands - ‘’I’m fine,’’ he says, voice bordering a squawk. He leans back and holds a fist in front of his mouth - ‘’just- just casually dying and all, you know,’’ he shrugs, ‘’the usual.’’

Minseok snorts and nods. ‘’Have fun with that,’’ he says, like the good friend he is while he regards his macbook and starts typing. 

There’s the usual background noise that occurs in a café, along with the clacking of Minseok most likely not working on the project but tapping away in a Facebook chat with his long-distance boyfriend, Luhan.

‘’I liked Kai’s years-old instagram picture.’’ 

Minseok stops typing and looks up. 

‘’That semi-famous dancer boy, right?’’

Kyungsoo adjusts his seat, sounding calm for now, eyes dead. ‘’Yes.’’

Minseok takes a moment to comprehend this, nodding in understanding because at least he’ll pretend he has empathy for Kyungsoo’s poor fanboy heart and the social disaster of liking a picture that’s over a month old on someone’s private user.

‘’Well, I’ll tell you that there’s about a half percent chance that he’ll actually see-’’

He’s cut off amidst the sentence when the screen on Kyungsoo’s phone lights up with a buzz and an instagram notification.

Both Kyungsoo and Minseok know that Kyungsoo is a guy with only two followers; that being his own brother Seungsoo and Minseok himself because the guy can’t tag for shit.

**_‘kim_kai liked your picture’_ **

Another buzz. 

**_‘kim_kai liked your picture’_ **

Second.

**_‘kim_kai liked your picture’_ **

Third.

**_‘kim_kai liked your video’_ **

A fourth. 

**_‘kim_kai is now following you’_ **

It’s silent between them, and Minseok is barely moving, both brows now rising on his forehead until wrinkles shape on his otherwise wrinkle-free and a hundred percent guaranteed babyface.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, isn’t breathing.

They continue to stare at the screen - where a half minute later another, this time soundless notification, slinks down with a: 

**_kaicing-machine_ ** **has started following** **_terminator-squish_ **

Because even if Kyungsoo’s instagram user and tumblr is desolated of viewers, he still connects them and has put a link in the description.

In the exact moment, he remembers the additional words attached to his profile on instagram:

_ ‘’hi i’m d.o aka anime trash. nineteen years old zombie. sometimes i sing. forever in denial about everything.’’ _

Kyungsoo glares at the screen, and if his eyes were big before, they might as well roll out of his sockets now.

He licks his lips, and when he looks up, Minseok is staring at him.

They glare at each other for long, and Minseok slowly lounges a hand out, like he’s afraid he’ll startle an animal if the pace is too fast, and puts his palm on top of Kyungsoo’s hand.

‘’We’re in public,’’ he says, voice low, and probably knows Kyungsoo is ten seconds away from detonating right on the spot.

Kyungsoo swallows thickly, mouth falling open. He adjusts his glasses with a finger.

‘’Right,’’ he whispers, voice cracking over, and he nods then, as if startled out of his reverie.

‘’I’ll just-’’ he clears his throat again, coming out with another squeak: ‘’I’ll just… go use the restroom for a second.’’

Minseok looks worried. ‘’Okay, I’m right here… if you need me.’’ 

‘’Thank you,’’ Kyungsoo raises himself and doesn’t even flinch when he bumps his knee into the table and startles the customer behind them.

He just turns around, face paler than the usual, while he walks to the restroom.

Kyungsoo comes back twenty minutes later, and his face has gained some color again when he sits down on the other chair.

His hair is rumpled though, his glasses are askew and now a smile is threatening to form on his lips along with a grimace, a strain of horror, of too many emotions.

Minseok look less worried and now just amused, though he nearly slaps Kyungsoo’s hand away when the latter tries to reach out for his own phone.

**_‘’Nope-’’_ ** the elder says, mouth held in a tight line, and Kyungsoo is rubbing the red patch on his hand then, pouting.

‘’Don’t check until you get home, okay?  _ Trust me _ ,’’ are the following words, as if Minseok has seen something else pop up.

Kyungsoo decides to follow the advice, most likely for health reasons than anything else.

‘’Right,’’ he says. ‘’Of course,’’ his voice is bubbling with either a scream or a squeal.

When they walk out of the café, he almost forgets his jacket on the chair, and nearly walks into the door if Minseok isn’t there in the last second to safely guide him out.

The sound of the door shutting behind him resounds in the house.

He doesn’t live on the campus since the college is just a train stop away from his house, though he’s intending to look for an apartment soon, living just next to one of the bigger cities in the region where the college is, even if his own city is shaded by it and is much smaller, an ant in comparison.

There’s no one home in the house other than the old family pug Jabba, who comes skittering from the living room - her breathing loud as she bonks into Kyungsoo’s leg with a loud grunt and afterwards skitters around on the polished tree floor. 

Kyungsoo is frozen on the spot though, and hasn’t even discarded his jacket yet before he flumps down on his knees and screams into his hands - which comes out in a long squeal while he says ‘’oh my god’’, and a ‘’I can’t believe-’’ as he grabs Jabba and hugs her tight to his chest, voice cracking over. 

‘’Kai-’’ he cradles Jabba in his arms, and there might be tears in his eyes, but it doesn’t matter - ‘’Kai noticed me,’’ he hunches over and now he does an ugly laughter, and his glasses are almost falling off.

Jabba does a grunt and inches up to lick Kyungsoo’s cheek, and Kyungsoo is too far gone to even bother and just continues making ugly noises while he clutches Jabba closer. This might be the farthest range in face expressions he’s had in all the time he’s lived.

While it seems it can’t get any better or unrealistic than that, it turns out that it  _ can _ .

It has taken Kyungsoo some more time to calm down to gather the pieces while he mutters to himself that it’s probably just a prank Kai is pulling on a random fan - especially because Kyungsoo liked his very first picture and all.

However, when Kyungsoo turns on his macbook and has seated himself on his bed with a cup of tea in his hand, the first thing he sees on his tumblr blog is the blue mark over the mailbox that says  **‘1’** . 

He sits there for a while just staring, and wonders if it’s the usual that says  _ ‘hi, how are you? my name is Erica and i’m a computer programmer and i want to plant a trojan virus in your harddisk’. _

A little click fills the room when he checks it.

His gaze strays over the words. 

But first and foremost over the one sending him the ask.

**kaicing-machine said:**

_ ‘I love your voice, hyung.’ _

In the next seconds, there’s lemon tea sprinkled in raindust all over the expensive retina screen, and Kyungsoo inhales heaps of air and slides the macbook out of his lap to put the cup of tea on his bed stand.

He’s out of his mind and bewildered, but at least he has the common survival instinct that makes him run into the kitchen to get a cloth so that he can wipe the screen before he’ll make his mother disown him and freight him overseas.

It doesn’t make it any better that when he checks his phone and his instagram account, it seems that while Kyungsoo has gone home, Kai has liked all of the selcas there, even if there’s only a few and Kyungsoo is mundane with the angles and only smiles dopily and makes the v sign.

Kyungsoo mostly posts anime screencaps or pictures of Minseok sleeping with his mouth open (Minseok always leaves a  **_‘ur ded 2morrow’_ ** comment on them), and even if Yixing doesn’t have an account, Kyungsoo also posts sneaky pictures of him smiling because those will heal anyone wounded.

Aside from that there’s the countless of videos of a blank screen, where a guitar plays and Kyungsoo’s voice swarms over the mic in small plays, some with a bit of japanese he’s taught himself and got a course in when he was in high school, some with english since his pronunciation has become better, and some others that are simpler - a childhood song, maybe.

And Jongin has liked all of them, even if there’s over 300 posts and Kyungsoo has sort of used it as a diary.

Kyungsoo holds a hand over his chest. 

He has calmed a bit down now and can look at the question in his ask box with somewhat sober eyes, even if it feels like he’s been hit by a truck and he keeps retyping his answer.

_ ‘you liar-’ _

No, that’s unfriendly.

_ ‘thanks! my mother was kind enough to grant me-’ _

No, that’s stupid.

_ ‘listen if you’re pulling a prank i swear i’m going to cry-’ _

No, not that either.

_ ‘ _ _ ଘ _ _ ( _ _ ੭ _ _ *ˊᵕˋ) _ _ ੭ _ _ * ̀ˋ uah oppa i’m your biggest fa-’ _

No, no.. no… no. 

But Kai has a thing for being called oppa, right?

Kyungsoo grimaces at himself. Yet of course Kai wouldn’t want to be called that by a fanboy, even if the fangirls use it excessively.

His fingers hover over the keyboard for some minutes.

He takes a deep breath.

He wants to keep this message, so instead he stalks into Kai’s askbox and writes there instead, finally coming to a proper answer.

_ ‘i love you’ _ \- he’s about to add  _ ‘r dancing’ _ , but god wants Kyungsoo to remind him to stay humble and honest, so what happens is that the second part doesn’t make it and the words  **_‘Your ask has been sent!’_ ** pops up in the middle of his typing.

He stops moving. 

Jabba grunts in the foot end of the bed and turns around. 

Kyungsoo puts the macbook down on the floor and takes the nearest pillow.

He sits on his shins and promptly smashes it into his face in an attempt to smother himself.

Kai doesn’t answer.

Even if Kyungsoo a minute later after some good-natured pillow strangling added the  _ ‘-r dancing!!!!’  _

And then managed to add five other questions including the sentence:  _ ‘’i mean we’ve never met and i meant i love your dancing really-- there’s no ulterior move i promise’’ _

Yet he slumps now at home, nine days later, with no reply from Kai. 

His thirst must have shown off naturally, and Kai probably thinks Kyungsoo could go drink the pacific ocean right now.

That isn’t far off the truth, now that Kyungsoo comes in contact with his inner fanboy and has tried to put his mind on the shelf through finishing some essays.

When he’s done and there’s a slow day ahead of nothing, he stares up at the ceiling. Going to the cinema yesterday with Yixing and Minseok didn’t help anything either. 

Kai is still following him on instagram, and since then Kyungsoo has gotten a ton of new followers since Kai’s fans must have seen the notification too.

Now Kyungsoo has over three hundred new followers on instagram and at least twenty new  _ ‘’omg i love ur voice!!!’’ _ comments on his recent song video, and something about  _ ‘’are you a friend of kai oppa?’’  _ because Kai does, apparently, only follow 14 other users that are either accounts dedicated to Kai’s dogs or are from other known dancers or bloggers.

Next up is a pair of users who say  _ ‘’ulzzang!’’  _ on his recent selfie, which is a month old or so. Some of them start calling him **‘D.O oppa’,** and they follow him on tumblr too and ask about what his favorite animes are.

Kyungsoo nearly chokes on his own spit when he sees the most recent comment from  **kimkimkailover23** , who says  _ ‘is kai gay??? ( _ _ ᑊᘩᑊ _ _ ⁎)’  _ and he seriously needs a timeout.

Maybe this is really just a prank.

It’s weekend, so Kyungsoo doesn’t have much to do anyway than to jolt each time his phone buzzes with a new notification from instagram while he tries to deny everything, push the anxiety of facing rejection away by watching the third season of Kuroko No Basket.

Maybe Kai hasn’t seen the messages. That’s credible enough since he must get a few each day, after all.

Kyungsoo wants to confirm something, or know that this isn’t just… a prank - or a misclick.

That it isn’t just 300 hundred missed clicks on his photos, some accidental anime reblogs on tumblr and an almost erotic  _ ‘I love your voice’  _ message through his askbox.

Kyungsoo knows that Kai is a busy person though, and lives in the big city wherein Kyungsoo goes to college, so he’s pretty close - but trying to find him there is like looking for a needle in a haystack and Kai goes to the high school in the other end of the city, but often travels around with the appointments he has, like to the workshops among other things.

Kyungsoo sits on the edge of the bed with a plush in his hand and his phone in the other.

He has never really admit he has this plush.

He has never really admit that he’s a fan of Kai, even if his friends know it and his mother tells him to  _ get a real boyfriend if he really has to swing that way  _ though she and Kyungsoo’s father had gone through the  **our-son-is-gay** panic mode years ago.

Kyungsoo isn’t sure what he’s doing, really.

He’s holding a bear plush with a dopey face on it, and it’s a Kai doll of a special edition that he managed to get from a fansite a year ago.

It’s super… duper embarrassing.

But Kyungsoo doesn’t know how he’s supposed to come in contact with Kai in any other way, and even if he might reveal his life as both a frequent anime watcher, manga reader and Kai fan or a thirsty college boy, then it’s worth it.

He opens the camera app on the phone and takes a proper seat, having fixed his hair before this and adjusted his glasses.

He grimaces at his own face that shows on the screen, but angles the camera anyway and holds the plush up next to his cheek, posing with a smile. 

Taking a deep breath, he presses the record button - 

‘’Hey, it’s D.O here. I’m really happy you guys like my photos and my voice. I’ve always been inspired by Kai oppa, so-  **fuck** -’’

He has to record it _ twelve _ times before he gets it right and stops adding ‘oppa’. At least his face can be fixed a bit with a better filter.

Ten minutes have gone by where he keeps replaying it. His face looks mellow and his is smile honest in the last one, so he can go with it. He wonders if Kai would find him creepy though.

This might possibly end up being the worst thing he’s ever done in his life. 

Kyungsoo gives his thigh a pinch and tells himself to get it together - he’s one of the few who’s been able to directly get in contact with Kai, since Kai  _ does _ meet up with his fans, but he’s told to be a kind of reserved guy although he’s kind to the fans and is a good instructor. 

So this is the dream for a fanboy, right? Kyungsoo shouldn’t take that for granted, and he should tell Kai that the latter is a source of inspiration.

Kyungsoo adjusts his glasses and scrunches his nose. ‘’Okay,’’ he says to himself. 

He publishes it and immediately turns his phone off, even if his mom scolds him in the evening because she wants him to buy groceries but finds him snoring on his bed with Tokyo Ghoul playing on his macbook in the background.

He wakes up bleary-eyed the next morning, covered in his duvets and with the Kai plush in the corner of the bed (because he  _ really  _ doesn’t sleep with it but he guesses it’d be nice to have it near) and is miffed to see that his phone is turned off.

It’s not even early since he’s slept in and classes are first for tomorrow, and he’s already done all his work, believe it or not, and now he’s pissed he can’t spend another hour scrolling through tumblr on his phone while he’s in bed.

Turns out that it would’ve been better to have left his phone shut, because when the start screen has ebbed out, the lock screen is filled with notifications and a few that ooze in right now. 

Kyungsoo blinks his eyes hectically, and when he checks his instagram account, he sees he’s gotten at least 200 more followers and a lot of notifications. 

What catches his interest though is the activity from one of the users that he follows, where it says  **‘kim_kai liked a video from d.odorant’**

But also a  **‘kim_kai left a comment on d.odorant’s video:**

_ ‘Hyung… so cute.’ _

‘’cute…,’’ Kyungsoo’s mouth is agape and his glasses are askew while he helplessly tries to fit them in place.

This is apparently not a dream. Kai just called him cute.

And it’s not a dream either that the next comments on Kyungsoo’s video is where ShawolJustice writes  _ ‘oppar are you TOGETHER??’ _ and Kyutienim writes  _ ‘i sense a new ship’  _ and a lot of other things that Kyungsoo doesn’t really understand, plus some things that he  **_does_ ** get.

Kyungsoo really tries not to stop breathing when he scrolls down in his inbox on tumblr and he stumbles over one message - 

**kaicing-machine said:**

_ ‘D.O hyung, are you a fan of me? I’m a fan of you, really. Your voice is still lovely… and I like the way you say my name. My skype is jjangah-monggu. Add me?’ _

It’s a lot more casual, and Kai uses proper grammar and capitalized letters in the beginning, while Kyungsoo is basically a fart who wants to reply with  _ ‘mE???’ _

He’s a frequent Skype user and sends a lot of uncomfortable yellow smileys to Minseok when he’s bored and isn’t watching anime, and usually forces both Minseok and Yixing - and sometimes even Jongdae to use it though they all prefer Facebook. 

He has some internet friends there too - like Yifan and Junmyeon, and the first he sees is a notification from  **$wagger_dragon_fanfan** who says ‘ _ ’did u watch the last episode of tokyo ghoul or wat’’ _

That chat is closed for now though because Yifan is a poop at answering anyway and probably won’t mind a delay, so Kyungsoo immediately goes to his contact list and clicks ‘add user’.

It takes a great amount of courage as well to type in Kai’s assumed username, and Kyungsoo feels like he has got a stone stuck in his throat when a profile does appear and he sends the guy a friend request.

He breathes out then and flops down. 

For the first time in his life, he wonders if there’s maybe one more assignment he’s ought to do just to quench the jitter in his stomach.

A ping from his screen disrupts this thought - and it’s when a chat box pops up - the user who writes - 

**K_Jongin:** ‘Hey D.O hyung…  is this you?’’

And Kyungsoo then remembers that - 

  1. His real username is **pororo_is_my_man**
  2. His edited name is **Kyungfuk_u**
  3. His motto is _‘god said no homo and put the g-spot up the man’s asshole’_
  4. His profile photo is a zoom in on Yifan looking scary



Good first impressions are hard to find.


	2. MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

The first thing Kyungsoo does is to immediately trash his icon to a picture of a pretty sunflower, a safe bet.

He changes his edited name to  **‘D.O’** , types his motto as  _ ‘Barbecue, yum  _ _ ✌ _ _ ( _ _ ◕‿ _ _ -) _ _ ✌ _ _!’  _ even if it's soon becoming autumn and it’s not barbecue weather at all, and Kyungsoo has no idea what he’s doing.

He can’t do anything about his username, so he really hopes Jongin doesn’t know who Pororo is, even though the penguin is plastered all over children's shows and has its own amusement park.

Things could’ve been worse, after all, and it’s not uncommon to have all sorts of weird names and pictures on the internet - though one is guaranteed to have the short end of the stick if one is a fan of anime. It comes rather naturally. 

When things are settled, he finally chimes in, and Kai has already typed - 

**K_Jongin:** I’m really nervous, actually…

To which Kyungsoo takes one more moment to comprehend this.

Jongin.

He tastes the name on his tongue, says it aloud in the room and feels a light flutter in his chest. 

He thinks he’s heard it before, but Kai has always made sure to stay anonymous even if he’s in the spotlight. Kyungsoo is not sure how he’s done it since people know where he goes to school. 

He has briefly heard Kai’s real name before, but has never latched onto it, because it would be… personal, somehow.

Kyungsoo didn’t need to get closer to Kai, really, or this´ century’s young love with no hope of it becoming reality.

Now it’s a little closer, though - and it’s a strange feeling.

‘’Jongin…,’’ Kyungsoo says, and his lower lip is wobbling while he needs another moment to scream into a pillow and try to smother the giddiness.

Something moves on the screen, and it’s Jongin who has written again

**K_Jongin:** You there? 

Kyungsoo nearly smashes the keyboard because he knows he has waited long enough.

**D.O:** yes i’m 

**D.O:** i’m right here

**D.O:** hi

**D.O:** i mean

**D.O:** hello… kai. or jongin?

**D.O:** what do i calej yo

**D.O:** what do i call you*? 

_ K_Jongin is typing… _

Kyungsoo takes a deep inhale, and even during a virtual chat he’s a bit awkward. He can barely imagine what he’d be like if they were to talk face to face. Not like that would ever happen.

He’s usually mundane or monotone next to his friends, but he’s always had some awkward air around himself. His friends say he’s not awkward though, just  **_squishy_ ** , and Kyungsoo is not sure if that’s any better.

**K_Jongin:** You can call me Kai if you want to, but it’d be nice if you called me Jongin.

**K_Jongin:** What’s your real name? 

**K_Jongin:** Sorry- I mean it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. Tell me if I’m going too fast.

It’s a bit funny. 

Jongin is like a grandpa on the internet sometimes regarding his spelling and approach, and when younger fangirls type stuff like  _ ‘oppa i luv u so much!! can u do a fan event soon?’  _ on tumblr, he’ll answer with a:  _ ’I’m too busy right now, but in the future I might! Take care of yourself for me until we meet.’  _

But at the same time he’s the one who was laughing at a lemon with a drawn face on when Taemin posted a video of them together on instagram, and Jongin had been hunched over, mouth wide open and eyes screwed shut in that crinkly way that makes him look like an over-sized puppy.

**D.O:** i’ll call you jognin!

Shit, Kyungsoo can’t even spell it right. Maybe Jongin won’t like people who type too fast?

**D.O:** sorry i mean jongin* 

**D:O:** i get too excited sometimes uh ah

**D.O:** also you can call me--

Jongin wants to know his name.

Jongin actually wants to know what Kyungsoo’s name is.

**D.O:** kyungsoo

**D.O:** my name is do kyungsoo

**D.O:** i live in the city next to yours!

And now he just went ahead and gave it all, including a snippet of the knowledge he has about Jongin.

Maybe he should tell him his own identification number, credit card number, address and everything else now that he’s at it.

And naturally, he does - but only mentions his own address in the next and jokingly says Jongin can come pay a visit anytime. 

Which results that Kyungsoo now lies with his face flumped into the bed as he realizes he can’t amend the quick word vomit that makes him sound far too eager, and he’s really bad at catching a break. Jongin is typing now, probably with a  _ ‘yikes, nevermind’. _

Kyungsoo doesn’t really want to be a mindless fanboy who drools all over Jongin and glorifies him to the sky.

He knows Jongin is a human just as much as anyone else - with flaws, oddities and some smaller mistakes and even a scandal back in time when he said something he had to apologize for later on.

It’s just that Jongin has been a source of inspiration to Kyungsoo for a long time. Maybe a comfort zone too, even if Jongin is just a dancer, or well, an all-rounder who mostly dances but also makes other videos and writes midnight philosophy once in awhile.

Kyungsoo has always liked that he could wake up to see a new update on Jongin’s instagram and maybe see a selfie with the words  _ ‘The weather’s nice here! Gonna do a warm up session now. Always remember to stretch :D!’ _

Altogether, Kyungsoo is just genuinely happy that…. Jongin exists, even if he tells himself that there’s a big possibility that even if they’d ever meet, in an alternate universe and all, Jongin wouldn’t even like him - their chemistry wouldn’t even match, maybe they’d be too different or alternatively Kyungsoo wouldn’t like Jongin. 

It’s not meant to glorify him, because Kyungsoo knows everyone has their fucked up habits, a past and a future and what’s in-between.

But of course, Kyungsoo is high on adrenaline right now, and pushing all of this onto Jongin in any matter would still be tiring for the dancer, wouldn’t it? 

Kyungsoo should lay it low, even if he still eases out a long, incoherent howl when he sees the next messages - 

**K_Jongin:** Maybe I will~

And Kyungsoo’s general mood right now is  ◉‿◉

The previous thoughts go down the drain and he spends another two minutes crying to Jabba that life is an illusion and this is heaven.

Jabba gives him a long glare and a snort, and licks a wet dollop of spit down Kyungsoo’s forearm, and Kyungsoo is just too gone to even care.

Returning to the chat, he’s surprised to see that Jongin has continued.

**K_Jongin:** Kyungsoo… I like that name.

**K_Jongin:** But

**K_Jongin:** I mean. Kyungsoo.

**K_Jongin:** I mean I know I contacted you… suddenly

**K_Jongin:** Sorry, I’m really nervous

**K_Jongin:** I’m also sorry if some of my fans might have harassed you or anything

**K_Jongin:** I should’ve followed you on an alternate account

**K_Jongin:** But it’s just that I saw your account by coincidence and when I heard your voice

**K_Jongin:** I just

**K_Jongin:** I just really love your voice.

**K_Jongin:** I don’t want to sound creepy

**K_Jongin:** You’re really talented, and you leave messages about the songs on the videos...

**K_Jongin:** Have you ever considered doing covers?

Kyungsoo might break his glasses if he keeps butting his face into his bed, but he’s not sure if he can help it.

The conversation continues from there on. 

It’s awkward at first, but what amazes Kyungsoo the most is how Jongin speaks to him like they’re in the same category.

That they have a talent that they discuss and they should work with the same media, and it’s almost as if…

It’s almost as if Jongin is approaching someone he looks up to, or someone he admires where he shyly asks if Kyungsoo does covers and asks about for how long he’s been singing, says he likes Kyungsoo’s Harry Potter glasses but good-naturedly jokes that he should spice up his selfie game and that the new fans would love that.

It delves into something smoothened where Kyungsoo realizes he hasn’t squealed aloud for the past half hour where he’s been chatting with Jongin, and the chat is now about a meal Jongin got yesterday, one he also posted on his instagram that Kyungsoo already knows of.

First and foremost, Kyungsoo wonders what Jongin’s ulterior intentions are.

But then again, there doesn’t always have to be one, and Jongin already said he originally intended to look at Kyungsoo’s profile on an anonymous account, but got caught up in it and went ahead without a thought. 

These coincidences do happen, apparently, much to the student’s surprise.

For now, Kyungsoo decides to leave his brain under the pillow, which he might’ve done his whole life, he thinks, but it’s the homemade idiom that counts right now.

For as long as Jongin is interested in chatting with Kyungsoo, whether it’s with a reason or not, Kyungsoo should live it out. 

**K_Jongin:** Ah I have to go now since I have a session… time flies

**K_Jongin:** I really enjoyed talking with you, Kyungsoo

**K_Jongin:** I didn’t expect

**K_Jongin:** I didn’t know what I was thinking when I asked for your skype

**K_Jongin:** I just… left my brain somewhere I guess!! Uh 

**K_Jongin:** I didn’t even know you were a fan so

**K_Jongin:** I’m sorry if I scared you

**K_Jongin:** But anyway, I mean. 

**K_Jongin:** We could chat again?

That’s how the chat ends, with Kyungsoo most likely embarrassing himself again when he types at least 8 entries where he re-writes  _ ‘yes of course’  _ because he keeps spelling it wrong and his fingers are shaking.

The most surprising thing is that he isn’t left with a feeling of admiration only, but something tender in his chest - something mellow that doesn’t come with feeling an emotional attachment to someone who’s thought of as a higher being. Kyungsoo repeats the words  _ ‘We could chat again?’ _ inside his mind once Jongin has logged out. 

A part of his mind thinks that Jongin might never log on again or delete him, but something tells him that Jongin isn’t the type to do that.

This is the start of something more, maybe.

**D.O:** I’M ASCENDING TO HEAVEN KRIS DO U HEAR ME GOODBYE 

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** nice

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** so did u watch that ep of tokyo ghoul or wat?? 

Concentrating in class is hard when Kyungsoo’s phone buzzes with notifications from instagram, and it’s first in the break that Minseok with a devilish smile finally tells him that he can turn them off.

Since the weekend, he hasn’t been chatting much with Jongin, only a few times where it lasted 15 minutes or less because the latter is busy and Kyungsoo has his lessons to attend.

Yet there’s a message in the evening from Jongin, a  _ ‘I haven’t forgotten about you, Soo!’  _ when a week and some more has passed and they haven’t chatted.

So Kyungsoo is pretty okay with it, and it takes time. 

The realization of this itself takes time, even if there’s still a chance it’s a scam or maybe it’ll quickly pass again and Jongin gets bored with Kyungsoo or decides to flop it. Jongin might’ve done a stunt like this before. This can’t be simple interest, is what Kyungsoo decides.

He mellows out on the table in the café, and today he’s tired from the lessons but his mind is still spinning a bit in regards to the media and the comments on his instagram account and increasing followers on tumblr.

Jongin had apparently been as kind enough to ignite a flame in his followers when he left a comment on Kyungsoo’s fan video just shortly after their first chat that said  _ ‘You should do longer song covers, hyung. We’d love to hear it!’  _ as if they’re actually friends. It might also have been because he wanted to give Kyungsoo one last push.

Kyungsoo comes to realize that he hasn’t updated his instagram since the fan video or when Jongin followed him a month ago or so. 

The incoming comments of fangirls tell him to do a song cover, post another selca or snap some more of Minseok sleeping  _ ‘Sleepy oppa is so pretty! He looks like a bunny!!’ _  - ‘’I don’t look like a fucking bunny’’ -  **_‘’Bunny Oppa’’_ ** \- ‘’Kyungsoo, I’ll  **_kill_ ** you’’-  they even found  _ his _ instagram, so Minseok has had troubles with Luhan, who’s got fire in his eyes from overseas and has seen the storm of the avid commenters.

A lot of the viewers also leave a message on Yixing’s pictures, but Yixing is unknowing that they’re even there, though some of them were taken where Kyungsoo said he was going to heal the whole world and expose Yixing’s healing powers that he believes Yixing to have, perhaps because he’s seen too much anime and there’s no line between reality and fiction anymore. Not with Jongin contacting him and all.

‘’So he just wanted to tell you that he loves your voice?’’ Minseok sounds bemused, but he’s most likely already tired from the attention sprouting around Kyungsoo that has made Minseok come into a little inch of the spotlight too, just for being pretty. 

Beauty is a mysterious thing with both benefits and mishappenings, apparently.

Minseok couldn’t care less, but as always, he pretends he does because he’s sort of a good friend like that and he’s pretty interested in Kyungsoo’s little  _ ‘online dating’ _ , which is what he has named it. 

He called it  _ ‘beginner sexting for virgins’ _ at first, but that only earned him a pinch of his thigh and a gum stuck on his new condi shoes.

‘’Maybe this is for business reasons solely,’’ Yixing’s brows are furrowing, but it’s a witty guess. He twirls a pen between his fingers and stares at his notes like they’re going to tell him the answer.

Kyungsoo looks deadpan while he stares into the desk and at the books some inches away from his notes, the ones he’s supposed to be reading. 

‘’Business reasons?’’ Minseok repeats, taking a slurp from his latte. ‘’Oh,’’ a smile creeps onto his lips. 

‘’So he’s totally going to make Kyungsoo famous. Scout him, right?’’ 

Yixing smiles and a laugh bubbles through, and Kyungsoo snorts at the thought of being  _ famous _ , because if he thought he’d ever become famous it would be for his old impressive stack of yu-gi-oh cards that he’s sure will become sacred in the future.

‘’Well, maybe… I don’t know how it works. Maybe Jongin was told to scout him?’’ 

‘’That makes zero sense. I don’t even think that’s how scouting works.’’

‘’But like-’’ Yixing looks even more concentrated, ‘’if it was for business, maybe it’s because he could get more popular with some stunt and to find a hidden talent and make collabs with the person in question?’’

Minseok hunches his head back till a fake double chin comes in view. ‘’I mean that could be possible in some universe, but that’d be a pretty shady trick.’’ 

Kyungsoo is vibrating on his seat. ‘’So Jong-’’ he coughs, ‘’Kai is  _ using  _ me?’’ 

Minseok rolls his eyes and they might never return with how thorough he is. 

‘’I swear to god,’’ he takes the nearest map and slams it on Kyungsoo’s head though it’s of light material and merely makes a fwump. 

‘’ _ No _ , Kyungsoo.  **Yixing** is the one who’s being a shady poop that’s trying to rile you up,’’ he deadpans, and Yixing snorts into his coffee.

‘’I have no words,’’ Kyungsoo bumps his head on the table again. 

His mind has been tired from assignments lately and with getting used to college, but also with the sort-of-fame he’s been receiving lately for merely getting noticed by Kai on instagram. It’s like everything is connected, and when you least expect it, they will  **_find you_ ** . 

Ah, and the fact that his phone vibrates just now, resulting that he makes an airy snort and blearily blinks and adjusts his glasses. Yixing perches over, and he holds a hand in front of his mouth and stares like he’s seen a mad rad secret get exposed.

**K_Jongin:** Can we chat tonight? 

It’s a skype notification, because of course everything is connected here as well, and Kyungsoo is on the media 24/7 but is always on the  **‘I’m-online-but-most-likely-napping-or-crying-about-school-so-don’t-disturb’** away mode.

Both he and Yixing just glare at it with their hands in front of their mouths while Minseok downs his cup of coffee and says ‘’here we go.’’

‘’So is it Prince Charming who’s texting you?’’ he then asks, and Yixing is about to take the phone but Kyungsoo snatches it, and his heart is hammering in his chest and that sort of stupid fanboy glee returns.

No, no. He has to be  **_cool_ ** . 

He has to respect Jongin, first and foremost. 

And… not look uncool. Be a fanboy, but be subtle. 

**Subtle.**

Right.

Kyungsoo opens the app and holds the phone so close he bumps the screen into his glasses that sits low. 

**‘’What do I answer?’’** he looks around, and Minseok’s first reply is ‘’quote: i’ll wait all night for you.’’ 

‘’Denied.’’

Yixing offers a ‘’Where have you been all my life?’’, and he’s probably streaming Rihanna on his phone again. 

‘’Denied.’’

Kyungsoo adjusts his glasses. ‘’Um,’’ he taps something then, still not used to the thought that it’s  **_Kai_ ** he’s talking to.

**D.O:** sure we can!!

That’s… 

**D.O:** i mean- yes. i’ve waited for you 

Oh no- no-  **_no_ **

‘’Kyungsoo, breathe,’’ Yixing puts a comforting hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. 

Kyungsoo closes his eyes and sighs aloud.

**D.O:** sorry i mean yes when do you have time? 

_ K_Jongin is typing... _

Kyungsoo holds the screen close and Yixing is practically smashed into his side now, their cheeks touching and Kyungsoo’s glasses end up horribly skewed.

**K_Jongin:** Around 8 PM. Is that fine? I’ve missed you

**K_Jongin:** hgj

**K_Jongin:** I mean sorry I’ve been waiting too. To chat you. Just…

**K_Jongin:** Been busy. 

Kyungsoo lowers the phone, and his glasses slink down the brink of his nose as he stares into the air with a dead look.

Yixing is speechless. 

‘’He’s-’’ he holds a hand up and rubs his chin in a thoughtful, puzzled manner.

‘’He’s just as awkward as Kyungsoo?’’ 

Minseok raises his brows. ‘’Match made in heaven.’’

Kyungsoo tips his head back and lets out a gurgle.

The clock is ticking, and Kyungsoo is definitely not counting.

He definitely doesn’t know that it’s well past 8 PM, rounding 9.  

The weather is getting colder outside, and leafs rustle around on the concrete in a little whirlwind - one Kyungsoo can see through the window as the dread in his eyes grows. 

He’s definitely not waiting on his bed either, butt parked there like he’s about to grow moss and mushrooms while he stares ahead with both his computer and phone logged into skype.

He’s totally not waiting for Jongin, either.

It’s silent otherwise, save for Jabba’s occasional grunting and the crinkling when she turns on the bed and lets out a sigh, her head resting on Kyungsoo’s thigh, some drool leaving a trail.

She nearly farts in panic though when Kyungsoo jolts at the sound of a pop-up ping emitting from the computer and phone.

His heart speeds up at the thought that it might be  _ him _ , and he immediately drags the computer closer and frantically clicks the skype icon. 

**Church_boy69:** Yifan won’t stop telling me to send him dick pics

Kyungsoo’s mouth straightens in a line and he swallows hard. He ends up blowing a rasberry before answering.

**D.O:** not now myeon i’m busy being dead inside

He closes the tab and rubs a hand over his face, pushing his glasses up.

Just when he’s about to slide off to get a hot cup of tea, the devices buzz again, and Kyungsoo groans because it’s probably Junmyeon complaining.

What he sees though is Jongin’s chatbox lighting up with a notification - then two, then three and more.

**K_Jongin:** hey kyungoss

**K_Jongin:** Hey Kyungsoo*

**K_Jongin:** Sorry I had late practice with Sehun but I tried getting back as fast as I could since I left my phone at home

**K_Jongin:** I’m home now  

**K_Jongin:** Just gotta

**K_Jongin:** catch my breaht

**K_Jongin:** Catch my breath*

Kyungsoo is not sure what this feeling is.

It’s surreal, somehow.

He just doesn’t know what it is that Jongin wants.

Because Jongin knows nothing about him, and still says things like this, even if they’ve only chatted a few times through the past weeks. 

Kyungsoo is a fan of Jongin. He shouldn’t be able to get this close, and it’s strange.

It’s strange when there’s a line that’s beginning to disappear. 

It’s strange when Kyungsoo gets to see the face beneath that isn’t generalized by the media or could be faked in videos or texts, even if it’s a sudden thing to say and Kyungsoo won’t really know yet.

This has to be a prank of some sort.

But Kyungsoo thinks he’ll risk being stupid enough if it means he can chat with the guy he has been crushing on for the past 2 years. 

**D.O:** hey jonoon!

Perfect start.

**D.O:** JONGIN* i swear id on’t do that on purpose

**D.O:** don’t*

**K_Jongin:** Did you wait for long?

**K_Jongin:** I’m really sorry

**D.O:** no!!

**D.O:** i wasn’t waiting at all haha

Wait, that’s almost...

**D.O:** i mean i was!! i was waiting yes but

**D.O:** i respect that you’re busy and all right so

**D.O:** so yeah

**K_Jongin:** Heh

**K_Jongin:** You’re cute.

Kyungsoo stares at the screen.

‘’How... dare you,’’ he murmurs, and ignores the burn in his chest and how he’s clutching at his shirt while he makes an airy sound. 

What is Jongin trying to do?

Toying with Kyungsoo’s heart like that?

‘’Bet he says that to most…,’’ he snorts, but he can’t ignore the disappointment in his stomach at the thought that it’d most likely be true.

He wants to type _ ‘what is your goal? you tryna kill me? it’s working’  _

**K_Jongin:** Sorry ah that was

**K_Jongin:** Was that too much?

**D.O:** no it’s

**D.O:** it’s fine

**D.O:** i just don’t think i’m cute 

How did they even get here, Kyungsoo thinks.

His cheeks are burning.

**K_Jongin:** You’re really cute, hyung.

**K_Jongin:** I promise you.

**K_Jongin:** Especially if you took some more selcas and posted a song cover.

Kyungsoo grins to himself, drags his shirt up over his nose and swallows hard.

**K_Jongin:** Hey

**K_Jongin:** I don’t want to scare you or anything but

**K_Jongin:** Would it be okay if I got your phone number?

**K_Jongin:** I mean I have breaks sometimes in school too

**K_Jongin:** And texting would be easier. 

**K_Jongin:** Phone calls too.

**K_Jongin:** Just in case I mean

**K_Jongin:** I’ll mostly have time in the evenings so we can just use Skype anyway

He says it like they’ve been branded as friends.

As if there’s a future - an actual connection.

Kyungsoo stares at Jabba, and Jabba blearily stares back.

‘’Ok,’’ he says, nodding slowly.

‘’Right,’’ he makes an airy sound and blows another raspberry, trying to wrap this around his head.

He pretends he doesn’t make a shrilly raptor noise as he responds:

**D.O:** oh um yeah that’s fine really

**D.O:** just in case and all heh

**D.O:** my number is ---------

**K_Jongin:** Hold on a sec

Kyungsoo waits then, drumming his fingers on his biceps, arms crossed.

He gets a bit lost in his thoughts and perks up, brows furrowed when his phone starts buzzing all of sudden, continuing to do so - demanding his attention.

And Kyungsoo must be so out of it, because he takes the device and stares at the unknown number on the screen and shrugs, putting it up to his ear as he says ‘’Do Kyungsoo here.’’ 

It’s silent for a moment with no noise from the other line.

‘’Hello?’’ he tries, voice unsure.

‘’Hey,’’ someone suddenly says, the tune smooth and a little deep but not too much. It’s warm, sounding amused.

Kyungsoo scrunches his nose in confusion.

‘’Who…,’’ he licks his lips. ‘’Who’s this?’’

Jongin still hasn’t answered on Skype.

The guy laughs into the phone, and it sounds familiar but it’s much more warm here, sounds close and personal through the device.

‘’It’s me, Jongin.’’

Kyungsoo is not sure what exactly happens, but something in the nerves of his arms pull tight and he ends up startling himself, resulting that his phone flies into the air, falls off the bed and lands on the floor with a loud thunk.

He gasps and immediately jumps off the bed and nearly slips in the duvet while he fumbles to get the phone, and apparently he pressed the close button too. The screen is blank with only his background of Minseok trying to fill his mouth with 20 grapes and prove the capacity of his cheeks true on it.

‘’Oh--’’ Kyungsoo smoothes his fingers over the screen and sits there like Gollum. He stares into the screen, goes into the transaction of his phonecalls and glares at the number that called him moments ago.

The computer does a ping and his phone buzzes with a notification from Skype.

Kyungsoo hauls himself up on his bed again and tries to ignore the burn in his cheeks and how he just can’t get over himself.

**K_Jongin:** Did I startle you? 

**K_Jongin:** I heard a gasp and some rustling I think

**K_Jongin:** Are you okay?

Kyungsoo rubs his eyes under his glasses and sighs. This can’t be happening.

**D.O:** i’m sorry i just

**D.O:** i didn’t expect you to call me 

**D.O:** how’d you react if your fav guy suddenly called you out of the blue??!!

**D.O:** you can’t do that i might die 

There he goes again.  

He whines to himself and Jabba doesn’t care enough to give him a look of sympathy anymore.

**K_Jongin:** Favorite guy? :D

‘’Are you  **_blind_ ** ?’’ Kyungsoo makes another gurgle and smacks his forehead. 

But that’s how it goes.

And Kyungsoo is not sure how  **3 hours** pass with mindless chatting that delves into anime, then to the song covers that Jongin  _ really _ wants Kyungsoo to sing, and into favorites in music and then High School nightmares.

Kyungsoo is laughing like a seal when Jongin talks about one time where some fangirls in his school had stolen his bag just to have him look for it while they glared at him from afar and at last pretended they found it in the hallway in order to receive endearment from him, but some of Jongin’s friends had seen them smuggle it out in the first place.

**D.O:** is it a rough life, being famous??

**K_Jongin:** No, well… 

**K_Jongin:** Sometimes I guess. I was young when I started and a lot of hate came with it because I was just another dumb guy on the internet and fans were mocked for liking some random preteen. But there’s many good things about it and I get acknowledged for doing the things I love.

**K_Jongin:** I’m not overwhelmingly famous though

**D.O:** right but enough to have fan sites, fanfiction with other ulzzang guys, dolls and merchandise of you dedicated to you and arranged fansign events really

**K_Jongin:** Fanfiction?

**D.O:** nevermind 

**D.O:** i know noTHING

**K_Jongin:** :)

**D.O:** stop

**D.O:** i just know that there’s some

**D.O:** leave me alone

**K_Jongin:** You’re so cute hyung

**D.O:** why do you always say that!!

**K_Jongin:** Can’t help it

Kyungsoo wants to hit something, maybe because his heart is galloping and he’s never been good at receiving compliments without staring in disbelief or grinning dopily.

**K_Jongin:** You have to make another cover. Just a short one on instagram

**K_Jongin:** One where I can see you

**K_Jongin:** Please?

**K_Jongin:** You should update more often

Kyungsoo bites his lower lip and smiles almost bitterly at his room. 

_ ‘One where  _ **_I_ ** _ can see you’  _

It’s almost as if he’s telling Kyungsoo to solely update just so he can view Kyungsoo for his own delight.

**D.O:** alright alright

**D.O:** what do you want golden boy?

**K_Jongin:** Ed Sheeran 

**K_Jongin:** Thinking Out Loud

**K_Jongin:** Sing that one 

Kyungsoo so happens to be an avid Ed Sheeran listener too.

And he knows this one, though he’s never sung it to anyone or to a cam.

It’s been rather personal, perhaps.

It’s maybe the one he sings when things are a little messy and he thinks of a certain smile just to get by.

It’s so stupid, but Kyungsoo just stares at the screen, his throat feeling tight and his heart stopping for a moment.

**D.O:** Thinking Out Loud?

**K_Jongin:** Yeah. I like that song.

**K_Jongin:** Would you sing that?

**K_Jongin:** For me? Please? 

**D.O:** yanno i’m thinking maybe you’re just using me as your personal jukebox that you found on the internet

**K_Jongin:** Maybe~

**D.O:** ಠ_ಠ

**K_Jongin:** No I’m kidding, Soo

**K_jongin:** I just want to hear your voice some more

**K_Jongin:** I don’t want to force you or anything

**D.O:** well okay

**D.O:** i’ll make sure to surprise you

**K_Jongin:** suro s me? 

**K_Jongin:** Surprise me* ??? 

**D.O: j** ust you wait |_ ・ )

**K_Jongin:** I’m not good with surprises

**K_Jongin:** Tell me

**D.O:** it’s meant to be thrilling isn’t it

**D.O:** are yoU THRILLED!!?

**K_Jongin:** Yes!! Tell me

**D.O:** no 

**D.O:** haha

**D.O:** gonna go sleep now so you can feel the agony all alone

**D.O:** hey it’s late you should sleep too

**D.O:** you’re in highschool you brat!

**K_Jongin:** Hyung you’re so mean

**D.O:** you bet i am

**D.O:** go to bed you big baby

**K_Jongin:** ( -  ‸ \- )

**D.O:** ( - ‿ \- )

Kyungsoo goes to bed that night with a strange flutter in his heart that he finds is out of the norm.

There’s a distance starting to blur, another face emerging and a different longing mingling in.

Right before sleeping, he sits with his guitar and fixes the strings, thinking he might borrow Baekhyun’s studio microphone and cam for tomorrow.

He might also ask for advice from Chanyeol as for how to take good selcas.

Just because, right.


	3. OKAY

‘’I  _ saw _ it,  **man** , I  _ saw  _ it!’’ Baekhyun sounds ecstatic, perching his fake glasses up on his nose again while he exaggeratedly points at Kyungsoo and then strikes a pose, holding up an invisible plush next to his cheek, his voice changing - 

_ ‘’I’ve always been inspired by Kai because he’s so handsome and I’m gay inside ou-’’  _ his voice cracks over when karma finds itself fit with a pinch in his side and maybe a punch on his shoulder, and Chanyeol next to him ceases the snort of a laugh because he doesn’t want to be next. 

Kyungsoo sends them the stink eye. 

‘’It was only a matter of time before your inner fanboy was released for the world to see,’’ Chanyeol is cheeky and laughs with Baekhyun when the latter gives him a weak shove since they’re most likely thinking the same. ‘’Funny that people think you’re a zombie when beneath the gloom there’s glitter and broken japanese.’’

Kyungsoo continues to stand there with a warmth on his cheeks that he won’t admit is finding place, and he might be longtime friends with the two of them, but it’s a task itself to handle one on their own. Two at once is another case, though.

But of course, they share a room around the same campus area, and Kyungsoo has settled his ass in for some hauling in every aspect. 

Or with more teasing than the usual and maybe a speech about practicing safe sex because Baekhyun likes to think he himself isn’t a virgin, when Kyungsoo clearly knows Chanyeol hasn’t had the guts to make a move yet in their assumed nonexistent relationship.

Just friends, they say, and Chanyeol stands close with an arm fit around Baekhyun’s shoulder and grins into his temple, just for a moment before putting it down, the back of his chest briefly grazing the other’s back, and they stand there like parents -  shit-post generating parents, who smile dopily at Kyungsoo’s mere existence. A common hobby.

Just friends.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes with a small quirk on his lips.  _ But that’s none of my business _ , he thinks.

‘’I need to borrow your camera and mic,’’ he deadpans, and this is business.

Sort of.

Well, not really. Kyungsoo likes to think it is, so he doesn’t have to realize that he’s alternatively confessing his love for a well-known blogger aloud, on cam and voice and everything through a heartfelt song. 

Thinking that it’s business and solely because they exchange goods to each other, or to think of it as Kyungsoo paying Jongin in return for Jongin merely existing and making Kyungsoo, a closet fanboy, happy-- makes it sound easier to acknowledge.

‘’What for?’’ Baekhyun looks puzzled now, mouth hanging open in questioning, and Chanyeol’s brows are furrowed. ‘’You want to borrow his camera and mic?’’

Kyungsoo swallows thickly and shrugs. ‘’Well, uh,’’ he murmurs and adjusts his glasses out of a nervous habit. ‘’I mean,’’ he lowers his head a bit and shrugs once more. ‘’I want to do a song cover, that’s all.’’

It’s quiet for a while, and even if Kyungsoo isn’t looking up, he can tell that glances are exchanged between the duo before him.

‘’You want to do a  **_song cover_ ** ? And  **_publish it_ ** ?’’ Chanyeol is the first one to speak, sounding surprised. 

‘’For the  **_whole world_ ** to see?’’ he continues, deep voice raising an octave in disbelief, and his hands are outstretched, a smile raising on his cheeks like he has won the lottery.

Baekhyun’s mouth was open before but now his jaw might fall off in incredulity. 

‘’Holy shit,’’ he says. ‘’Kai really got you whipped, huh?’’ He has heard about the chatting as well since Kyungsoo might’ve had to explain the episode.  Baekhyun had been all over him after he saw the video, as a lowkey fan of Kai apparently, who then nearly spat out his drink when he saw Kyungsoo’s face propped in view.

Kyungsoo almost wants to raise a finger and point out the obvious regarding the other two’s state, those dweebs who use one another’s sweaters and send eye smiles to each other at least ten times a day, and that Kyungsoo is not the only one in the room with a severe case of a romantic constipation.

He doesn’t, though, and his lower lip worries while he tries to remain deadpan, but fails miserably so.

‘’I just want to impress him,’’ he murmurs. ‘’Not just-’’ his nose crinkles, ‘’not just as a fanboy or with the excessive knowledge I have about him that I really shouldn’t have.’’

He looks up. ‘’I mean, if that’s possible. I don’t know the real him yet, right? But-’’ he licks his lips and has a small pause - ‘’But I guess that, judging from our chats, I’ve come to sort of… like him a bit more? In a different way. Seen a different side of him, I mean. Seen that he’s-- a human too? Uh. We’ve chatted for a long time now, I guess.’’

Chanyeol puckers his lips a bit. ‘’I saw you had him as a profile background on your phone a year ago, you know. You’re not as subtle as you think.’’

Kyungsoo’s brows furrow at the mentioning of the episode and Chanyeol immediately holds his palms up, chuckling easily - ‘’but!’’ 

‘’I get what you mean.’’ 

Baekhyun is smiling sheepishly, a genuine glint in his eyes. ‘’Naw,’’ he says. ‘’Kyungsoo is so cute when he’s all lovey dovey and stops pretending he doesn’t have feelings, isn’t he?’’

Chanyeol tilts his head, mock humor in his voice. ‘’Naw,’’ he says. ‘’He totally is.’’

‘’Do you want to di-’’ 

**_‘’Alright!’’_ ** Baekhyun claps his hands. ‘’Camera and mic,’’ he turns around before Kyungsoo can muster another word. He fidgets with his the devices. He’s on a vocal line, majoring in music.

‘’I’m surprised though,’’ he raises the recorder and checks the gadget. ‘’I thought you said you didn’t want to sing anymore.’’

Kyungsoo shrugs again. ‘’Well but,’’ he tries to find an explanation. He has always wanted to sing, which is why he still does it, after all, through the years in secretive, but not openly. 

He comes to realize that he’s about to expose himself in a way he has not dared to do so for long, and that’s strange. 

It’s not what he has thought about, the fact that other people would see him too. 

All that matters is that it’s Jongin who sees him, somehow. Sending a direct link would be too private, and Kyungsoo wants to be subtle, or at least not be too much or drool down Jongin’s back.

‘’People always told me I didn’t look like someone who could,’’ he replies.

Chanyeol turns his head at this. ‘’What?’’ 

Kyungsoo nods to confirm it, voice a little clogged. ‘’I just don’t look like someone who can.’’

Chanyeol hunches his head back and makes a grimace.  **_‘’What?_ ** That makes no sense? **_’’_ **

Kyungsoo groans and picks in the hem of his shirt, ‘’I don’t look like a prodigy, okay.’’

‘’It was worse when I was younger, though I stopped in the choir when I was thirteen, remember?’’ he looks at Baekhyun, and the latter says an ‘ah’. 

‘’So that’s why?’’ he murmurs.

‘’But that’s just  _ stupid _ !’’Chanyeol bids in, and Baekhyun is there in less than a second too, saying  ‘’man, we’d beat up anyone who says that to you.’’  

Chanyeol raises a fist, ‘’I can take down anyone with one arm, really,’’ but he’s just a long noodle with a charming face who has recently started going to the fitness center and got an ego boost.

The corners of Baekhyun’s upper lip ticks at this. ‘’What? You gonna fly over their heads with your ears and sit on them?’’

The taller steps closer at this, face sour, ‘’aren’t you being hypocritical now?’’ he crosses his arms. ‘’How’d you take them down? Poke them in the eyes with your eyeliner pen?’’ 

Baekhyun huffs at this and looks at Kyungsoo - ‘’we know they’d be blind after a round with me, at least.’’

Kyungsoo sighs, but smiles nonetheless. ‘’Thank you,’’ he says, voice low, not one good with words in the longer term, though he appreciates the support.

Baekhyun comes forth and swings an arm around his shoulder, giving him a rustle, ‘’well, now you can show them they’re wrong, after all. You have your squishiness, so give them the whole package,’’ he winks and sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. 

Chanyeol clears his throat. ‘’Your selcas though…,’’ and of course  selca.master.ass.61 would say this, hands in the loops of his jeans while he gives Kyungsoo a sympathetic look. 

Baekhyun has most likely linked Chanyeol to Kyungsoo’s instagram account now, and some peers around have spotted Kyungsoo on the street - but only few so far. 

The light in the pictures has always been a little strange, so Kyungsoo often doesn’t even look like himself in the pictures, the camera too close and the angle is either mundane or bad.

‘’I was,’’ Kyungsoo stops himself amidst it. Is he really going to go all the way?

Yes, for the sole purpose of achieving  _ purification _ . 

‘’I was going to ask about that, uh,’’ he’s back to fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt again.

‘’Ask about what?’’

‘’About, uh...’’

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’About..’’

**‘’Yes?’’**

‘’Chanyeol, let him finish!’’ Baekhyun growls, and Chanyeol grins again, ‘’I swear to god...’’

Kyungsoo closes his eyes for a second. 

‘’Could you teach me how to take good selcas?’’ 

He looks around, eyes bulging a bit. ‘’Like- so I look okay in them?’’

Again, it’s silent in the room, and Baekhyun next to him looks like he has lost some brain cells, mouth hanging open and eyes narrow.

Kyungsoo is well aware that a selca is a third month’s occasion or a thing he’s forced into where he looks like the squishier and reincarnated version of satan. 

The camera on his phone is a strange phenomenon he rarely uses unless it’s about snapping pictures of Minseok’s ass when the latter bends over in soccer shorts, of him snoring bunny-style or in general of Minseok doing things that Kyungsoo can blackmail him for later on.

Baekhyun pats Chanyeol’s shoulder. ‘’I’m leaving this one to you,’’ and slumps down on his bed to continue reading a comic book.

Time flies with what Kyungsoo has set up.

It’s not much at all, and most teenagers or common individuals know how to use a recorder or sit in front of the device and deliver something self-indulgent whether it’s presentable or not.

They also know how to take a good selca.

When Kyungsoo is told to make the V sign in a new way, he ends up doing it a little differently than expected, and on a first try makes a cheeky tongue-lolling-out-of-his-mouth grimace and has his fingers up in front of his mouth with his tongue prodding between. It results that Baekhyun yells and Chanyeol needs to pump his asthma inhaler to get enough air from laughing, and Kyungsoo is apparently  _ ‘’too gay to function.’’  _

‘’Don’t send the wrong message, okay,’’ Chanyeol manages to explain and Kyungsoo doesn’t understand what they mean with that, but he doesn’t do the V sign again unless it’s from the side.

Taking a selca is apparently a simple act once one knows what angles are good and what light is presentable, though it takes more than an hour and some bickering to achieve a selca that he thinks is okay, one he can post on instagram with the caption  _ ’sometimes Chanyeol is okay’. _

**‘’Okay?’’**

Kyungsoo changes it to  _ ’above average’ _ then.

This is one he takes with Chanyeol, and the latter is making the V sign while Kyungsoo is squashed against his side. 

The taller is already well-known on instagram simply for having a pretty face, so when Kyungsoo tags him in the picture it doesn’t take long before people haul in - now fans of both Kai and Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo is not entirely sure what it is he is doing or what he is agreeing to, but he comes to terms with the fact that if he rose in fame on instagram, it’d be more acceptable that he talks to Jongin. He ends up discussing with both Baekhyun and Chanyeol as for what he can do as if it’s business in itself.

Though somewhere in-between, there is the acknowledgement that comes along with it. 

He knows it might not be  _ real  _ endearment that he receives in the longer term, but it’s still something new to see that people follow his blogs, and have as of recently started sending him asks on tumblr about his point of view on things. 

He’s astounded as for what people can become famous for, aside from singing, dancing or gaming - the usual entertainment.

But maybe, in the end, he’d be able to talk to Kai on an acceptable level - one where Kyungsoo isn’t a fart below average that he views himself to be. 

He fidgets with his shirt again and curtly says thanks, eases out a wheeze when Baekhyun and Chanyeol attack him in a puppy pile and tell him that he’s going to shine with his squish and no one can stop him. Or otherwise they’ll beat the haters up with their noodle arms and Baekhyun’s eyeliner pen.

Subsequently, Kyungsoo finds out he has been on the campus since early morning when he attended class, and the clock is rounding six pm.  

He still hasn’t done the readups for tomorrow, and that makes him bolt out of the door with a flappy wave over his shoulder where he isn’t looking at where he’s going, resulting that he ends up walking into one of the glass doors, naturally. 

He ends up getting hauled back to get a colorful band aid on his nose where the skin has become red, and Baekhyun pins him to the bed while Chanyeol takes a new picture of him. 

They sit like hawks and watch as Kyungsoo is demanded to upload that one on instagram too, this time with the caption  _ ‘fame must’ve gotten into my head, because i thought the doors would open for me’,  _ one Baekhyun wrote with a cheshire grin on his face.

Kyungsoo cringes so hard that his spine might permanently hunch, but his friends are far too eager in this self-dedicated mission they’re momentarily living out.

He comes home to find himself digging through his homework for tomorrow, and ends up falling asleep with his glasses pressed tightly against the bridge of his nose, face planted in the middle of his bed.

The days go by in the same way. In a blur.

There’s something special on Kyungsoo’s mind, something that clogs him up.

This is important, somehow, and he doesn’t want to mess up. This is like finding an important anime serie that he really has to marathon so he can absorb all the details and later on understand every reference so that he’ll claim his throne as a true fan.

Or maybe he’s just a little close minded in that aspect and takes his anime watching seriously unless it’s stuff Yifan has recommended, but that’s another case.

So he goes through the daily lessons, pays visits to cafés with Minseok and Yixing to finish the deal there, and when he’s in his room, he strings his old guitar and practices a song he originally only sings in dire times. He works on his english and on his vocals because he hasn’t been at it for a while now in a way like this.

A peculiar sort of jitteriness starts to rise in him.

A week and a half has passed where he has not even looked at his instagram or skype account, has logged off both ever since the visit to Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s room, not knowing why. He doesn’t always practice, but then he mulls or watches another anime, listens to music or watches a movie, isolated from the rest.

He keeps doing check ups with the cam to see how he moves on the recorder, his face expressions and what other things about himself he’ll want to amend.

He sings the song four times in front of the recorder in a row and watches it afterwards, but it’s just not good enough yet. 

He gets frustrated again and again, and spends the evenings with his guitar on his lap, playing the song repeatedly with only Jabba as the viewer even if his fingers start to hurt and his head feels like it might burst with how uncertainty starts to crawl into his mind and settles in his throat, creating a tremor in his voice.

Otherwise, he ponders.

He’s just not good enough to Jongin, yet.

But he doesn’t know how to get better.

The only thing missing right now is that he seems to forget something else, or someone in the process of doing this right.

Everything piles up.

He’s in the middle of eating cereal in the morning when his phone rings  _ again _ . 

Yifan has been restless since Kyungsoo hasn’t been on skype for long, because he’s the type who will nag if he senses something is wrong depending on the situation, and he most likely knows Kyungsoo needs someone to talk to.

It’s not that Kyungsoo really minds, but his brain is packed. He has already told Yifan he might be a little off because he’s got something important to do.

Yifan and he had talked about marathoning something together and maybe with Junmyeon too despite the strange relationship that Yifan and Junmyeon have with each other, the commotions that occur in that regard.

Kyungsoo leaves the phone ringing for now, but it doesn’t take less than two minutes before it starts buzzing again. 

It’s weekend, two weeks in, and the dull morning sun is shining through the loosely packed curtains. Kyungsoo’s hair is unruly and sticks up in different ways, and he has no idea why he’s up this early.

He’s sitting in the kitchen, while Jabba happily eats the food in her bowl, chewing audibly as a somewhat comforting background noise mingled with grunting and the sound of her paws kicking some of the food pebbles away.

Kyungsoo crinkles his nose and sighs under his breath when he picks up the phone, not even bothering to look at the number or finish chewing his cereal when he takes the call, spoon half tucked in his mouth.

‘’I swear to  _ god _ Yifan, if you call me one more time I’m calling the cops to report a murder,’’ he deadpans into the phone, though there’s a drawl to it and he only waits for Yifan’s raspy voice to go through the line with a  _ ’bruh’ _ .

What he hears instead is an airy noise, a half chortle and then a  _ ‘’Bad day?’’ _ , and Kyungsoo grimaces, slipping the spoon out of his mouth. 

He hasn’t been able to sleep, and he rubs his eyes beneath the glasses, murmuring something half-assed, ‘’Sorry,’’ he stares into the cereal with a droopy look, ‘’I think you have the wrong number,’’ because he doesn’t recognize this voice even if it’s warm and welcoming.

The voice on the other line seems to hesitate, like the owner is afraid of something, a deep inhale taken.

_ ‘’Don’t,’’  _ the person clears their throat, and it must be a male with the tune.

_ ‘’Don’t freak out, okay?’’ _

Kyungsoo is normally not so good with random prank calls in general, but now he’s tired and frustrated, so he just spins the spoon around in the milk and mutters a ‘’freak out… isn’t that a song…,’’ while he blinks his eyes. ‘’Or was it a band who was called Le Freak?’’ 

The man laughs again, warmer than before, though there’s a shy tint to it too.  _ ‘’Kyungsoo,’’  _ he says, _ ‘’uh, it’s me. You know…. who.’’ _

Kyungsoo’s mouth puckers, brows furrowing in concentration. ‘’Are you the guy who wanted to  to buy my yu-gi-oh cards? Ebay, right? KaibaDidNothingWrong12?’’

There’s a frustrated noise on the other line and a mellow  **_‘’Kyungsoo...’’_ **

The way the man says his name makes Kyungsoo’s toes curl and he swallows hard, not knowing why his heart is beating in a funny way.

No, it couldn’t really….

‘’Jong-’’ he’s not proud of the way his voice cracks, ‘’in?’’’ 

There’s another inhale on the other line. 

_ ‘’Yeah.’’ _

Kyungsoo sits still for a while, and the noise of Jabba nearly choking on one food pebble is amplified as she grunts and wobbles around before getting it right. 

The clatter of the spoon hitting the desk tinges in Kyungsoo’s ears, and he sits still, mouth slightly agape and eyes bulging.

_ ‘’Please-’’  _ Jongin startles the other out of an incoming reviere - 

_ ‘’Please don’t hang up.’’ _

Kyungsoo swallows thickly, wondering if anyone is home, so maybe he could leave the phone here, run upstairs to scream and then come back.

‘’Okay,’’ he says rather stiffly. 

‘’Ok,’’ he repeats, and nods to himself.

Stay calm.

This is just another conversation, like one with Yifan.

_ ‘’Kyungsoo?’’ _ Jongin asks when silence fills in.

‘’Yeah?’’ Kyungsoo ignores the way his voice is an octave louder than the usual, and he has to clear his throat. ‘’Yes, Jo-’’ his lower lip wobbles and he twists the collar of his shirt, ‘’Jongin?’’ 

_ ‘’Are you okay?’’ _

The question startles the elder, and he’s not sure what happens, but the thing clogging his throat grows tighter.

He slides off his chair and puts the bowl of cereal in the sink, thinking he’ll clean it later.

‘’Yeah…,’’ he murmurs, sounding unsure though, because he isn’t really. This is the voice he wants to impress, but nothing works out - and he  _ promised  _ Jongin that he’d sing the song, or at least surprise him.

‘’Why-’’ he breathes in, ‘’why wouldn’t I be?’’

It’s silent for a while. 

_ ‘’You haven’t… been on Skype, lately.’’ _

_ ‘’I mean-’’  _ Jongin amends it, and his voice sounds so personal over the line and much  closer than what Kyungsoo feels he is to him.

_ ‘’We haven’t chatted at all.’’ _

Oh.

That’s what Kyungsoo forgot.

He looks up and runs a hand through his hair. 

_ Oh. _

_ ‘’Um-’’ _

_ ‘’We don’t have to chat if you don’t want to, I mean-’’ _

_ ‘’You just weren’t online for more than a week and,’ _ ’ Jongin stumbles with the words, and he sounds like his fifteen year old self, the one who stuttered on screen and fidgeted with his bangs.  _ ‘’I mean you’re usually online all the time but you weren’t this week so I thought… so I thought.... I just….’’ _

_ ‘’I’m sorry if I pressured you, or maybe scared you. With the,’’ _ he makes an airy sound - 

_ ‘’With the song and all. I didn’t… I really didn’t mean to.’’ _

_ ‘’It’s just that I really wanted to hear you sing.  _ **_Not because-_ ** ’’ his voice suddenly raises in volume, ‘’ **_not because it’s the only thing I like about you_ ** _ , okay? Your voice is just a part of you, uh, yeah.’’ _

Kyungsoo is on his way to his room all the while and stops with his hand on the doorknob, tugging it down, halting though.

There’s so much he doesn’t understand.

It all comes down to Jongin, who says these things he shouldn’t.

If it’s either for future business like Yixing said - or something else, Kyungsoo doesn’t know.

As always, his cheeks gather warmth rather quickly, and he stands there, feet turning in.

‘’I-’’ he starts. ‘’I just don’t think it’s good enough.’’

‘’I’ve been off the media because I was… practicing, and so on. I know the song already but it doesn’t come out good,’’ he admits, and maybe Jongin would understand. 

‘’I don’t look so good on cam either, so it all adds up, and, you know…,’’ he opens the door and walks in.

Jongin is listening on the other line.

‘’It wouldn’t really be the same. The same as if others did it who look good or something or who know what they’re doing. I’m just an amateur, and I even got Chanyeol, uh, my friend- if you’ve seen the pic-’’

_ ‘’I’ve seen it.’’ _

‘’Oh- yeah, my friend to teach me how to take good selcas even.’’

He slumps down on his bed, turns around and stares up at the ceiling.

The situation right now is surreal, but he guesses that somehow it’s comforting too. 

Jongin’s voice is nice.

_ ‘’We all start as amateurs,’’  _ the other starts, voice soft and much clearer. He understands.

_ ‘’I did too.’’ _

_ ‘’Back in time, people made fun of me because I hadn’t grown yet. I wasn’t anything special - just a quiet kid who used to read books. I still don’t think I’m anything out of the norm.’’ _

_ ‘’But I get better at dancing every day, I expand my view as well despite the fanbase I’ve grown. I don’t put myself down because I know I’m good at what I do, but I don’t flaunt it either. There’s a reason as to why I can dance like this, and anyone could do it too if they spent hours after hours in a studio to work it out. The respect I have for myself grows each time I ignore the vile thoughts or comments and do what I like, or when I tell myself that I have every right to be here too, whether people see me as an amateur or not.  _

_ ‘’In the end, I know I haven’t meant any harm and that there wasn’t any offense in what I’ve done, but if there is any, I’ll make sure to learn from it. Think of previous experiences or mistakes as building blocks that will help you become better, and publish it anyway. ’’ _

Kyungsoo turns onto his side, phone cradled against his ear, and he murmurs a gentle ‘’yeah?’’ to show that he’s listening. 

_ ‘’Summed up, you don’t always have to look stunning or exceptional for people to listen to you on the media. You have to show who you are… it’s often a lot about the character you portray and to be confident in that, but not overwhelming or superfluous. And you have one, Kyungsoo… you’re cute, hyung. You’re funny too. You might not think you’re handsome, but to some you are.’’ _

_ ‘’It differs…. from person to person, you know?’’  _

Birds chirp outside, but otherwise the room is void of noise save for Jongin’s voice coming from the other line. 

_ ‘’Even if I still don’t know much about you, and this might sound weird… then...to me, you’re good enough just the way you are. And I really love your voice, hyung.’’ _

When Kyungsoo stays silent, Jongin bids a hesitant - 

_ ‘’It, um, sounds good over the phone too.’’ _

Kyungsoo’s mouth open and closes like that of a goldfish, and the words on his tongue slide down and into his throat.

He really shouldn’t. 

He really, really shouldn’t.

But he can’t help it when his eyes begin to sting a bit and the surface blurs, his eyes feeling droopier than the usual and his heart is thumping inside his chest.

He doesn’t want to cry ‘in front’ of Jongin, or wail into the phone, so he bites his lower lip and breathes out steadily even if it’s a bit garbled.

‘’Thank you,’’ he whispers, and awkwardly rolls onto his back again so he can push his glasses up and dry his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. 

Jongin sounds worried then -  _ ‘’Are crying?’’  _

Kyungsoo shakes his head even if no one can see it and lets out a puff of air, a snort of a kind, ‘’no- no, I’m not!’’

_ ‘’Kyungsoo…,’’  _ Jongin can probably hear that Kyungsoo’s breath is ragged and that it hitches when a small sob comes through. 

‘’I’m not,’’ Kyungsoo sniffles. ‘’You’re the one who’s-’’ his voice cracks, ‘’crying.’’

Jongin chortles on the other side, that airy bark of a laughter before he just settles in with a  _ ‘’okay, you got me. I’m crying.’’ _

And Kyungsoo is so angry, because Jongin just goes along with all of Kyungsoo’s antics like he isn’t bothered, like Kyungsoo isn’t too awkward and tinges the air with his insecurities.

‘’I hate you,’’ he murmurs through a warbled sob even if he’s smiling, ‘’you’re stupid...’’

_ For making me feel like this. _

Jongin snorts again - but feigns sadness, _ ‘’I thought I was your favorite guy?’’ _

‘’No… no…,’’ Kyungsoo dries the snot away too and puts his glasses on his bedstand, ‘’maybe,’’ he finishes.

He thinks he might hear Jongin smile over the line with the puppy-like breath taken, and the latter grins somewhat dopily.

This is a new side too, even if Jongin is sincere on cam and in fan messages. But it’s a different way he bares himself here - the way he talks to Kyungsoo.

_ ‘’Hey,’’ _ he says after a while and Kyungsoo has dried the eyes and-

maybe or maybe not murmured another soft _thank you_ and a **platonic** _I like you too_.

_ ‘’If you don’t want to do the cover it’s okay, you know?’’ _

But Kyungsoo  _ wants to _ .

The confidence just hasn’t been there, really.

So he considers this, and he feels courageous now. 

‘’I…,’’ his voice is a little dry. ‘’I could… sing it for you now? Just for you, then?’’ he might’ve whispered it, and he’s not sure if Jongin hears it with how timid it is.

But Jongin does, and he immediately says  **_‘’sure!’’_ ** maybe a bit louder than intended, and he amends it with a  _ ‘’sure, I mean sure. If you want to.’’ _

_ ‘’Right now I’m just at home too - got the day off. So I’m just… hanging out, I guess. Taemin is coming over soon, but I got time.’’ _

Kyungsoo nods to the air.

‘’Would you… uh, mind if I got to practice a bit before…,’’ he rustles with the phone to have it right, ‘’before I sing for you?’’ 

_ ‘’Take your time.’’ _

He sits awkwardly there for a minute then, and it’s silent from both side, awkward air looming around. Kyungsoo clears his throat. ‘’I’m… I’ll leave the phone here, I guess…. and come back? Or call you again?’’

_ ‘’Oh-  _ **_oh,_ ** _ yeah. I’ll wait, okay? Take your time,’’  _ Jongin says.

‘’So I’ll just… leave the phone here?’’ Kyungsoo asks.

_ ‘’Yeah. The phone bill is on me anyway, so… yeah. I’ll wait.’’ _

He sits there then, swinging his legs a bit. ‘’Um’’, he finds his glasses again and puts them on. 

‘’Okay. Be right back, okay?’’

_ ‘’Okay.’’ _

‘’Okay...’’

_ ‘’Take your time, right?’’ _

‘’Sure- sure… I will. Okay.’’

_ ‘’Okay?’’ _

‘’Okay.’’

Kyungsoo leaves the phone there, and carefully makes sure that he doesn’t end the call. 

They’ve already talked for more than a quarter.

He shuffles out of the room and constantly looks over his shoulder as if Jongin might say something and a squawk will blare from the phone, but nothing happens and it just rests there. 

Kyungsoo makes sure to close the door and run to the other end of the house, and perches on the toilet in his mother’s room, glad she isn’t home right now.

He slaps his cheeks twice and gives himself a little speech of courage before clearing his throat, testing his vocals for today to the lone bathroom where his voice bounces off the tiles. 

It’s all so strange. That feeling isn’t gone - how surreal this is.

Yet it feels a little closer than before, and his voice gets clearer with the sentence as he thinks about how Jongin’s voice had sounded.

The words he spoke, just for Kyungsoo.

It warms something in his chest that bubbles up his throat.

The door creaks and slams into the wall with a loud crack, because Kyungsoo realizes he’s been gone for more than twenty minutes where he’s been warming up, and he comes in and almost falls onto the bed to retrieve his phone - 

**‘’Hello?’’** he’s a little out of breath with how he bolted when he saw the digital watch on the bathroom counter.

He hears a rustle from the other line, followed by a  _ ‘’Hey, back already?’’ _

Kyungsoo snorts, and sits down, catching his breath, ‘’I.. oh, yeah. Sorry if I took long.’’

_ ‘’You didn’t. It was fine.’’ _

‘’Oh, okay.’’

_ ‘’So.’’  _

‘’So.’’

_ ‘’Are you ready? Warmed up?’’ _

‘’Yes I’m…,’’ Kyungsoo sits against the wall, eyes darting over to look out of the window where the sky is becoming a little gloomy with how the start of winter is chiming in, even if the sun was out an hour ago.

‘’I’m ready. But should I use my guitar? I can do it with speaker,’’ he says and holds his phone out to press the button - 

However,  **_‘’No!’’_ ** sounds from the other line, and Kyungsoo cradles the phone again up to his ear.

‘’No?’’

_ ‘’I mean- it’s fine without. Don’t put it on speaker. Just sing it right here, or something. Yeah. Into the phone.’’ _

_ ‘’I just want to hear you.’’ _

Kyungsoo sits indian style then, free hand tapping his knee. 

‘’Okay. Ready?’’ 

_ ‘’Ready.’’ _

He opens his mouth then, and he remembers the feelings back then, maybe from the first time he sang it or tried to - with one person in his mind, when he felt hopeless about a lot of things but Kai had been there with inspirational quotes or a bright smile on the cam, telling his viewers to always remember to stretch and go forth. 

_ ‘When your legs don’t work like they used to before...’ _

His fingers are shaking a bit, but the nervousness dissipates through the first sentences.

The weather is picking up outside from autumn leaving its last mark, and his voice travels in the room and meets an end when the next line comes.

Jongin is silent. Listening.

_ ‘Darlin’ I will- _

Kyungsoo adjusts his seat and drags his legs up, hugging them with one arm though his voice might come out less boisterous.

_ ‘be loving you-’ _

He rests his cheek on one knee cap.

_ ‘till we’re seventy.’ _

He continues, voice becoming steadier further ahead. 

_ ‘I fall in love with you every single day,’ _

He’s almost at the end, and he barely realizes that he’s just singing, not smiling but not frowning either, feeling a jitter in his chest but also a mellowness. 

_ ‘i’m thinking out loud - ‘ _

_ ‘maybe we found love,’ _

_ ‘right - ‘ _

_ ‘where we are.’ _

‘’Jongin?’’

It gives an odd feeling to come back from the previous trance, of when he sang and he felt like he was alone but at the same time comforted, draped in an embrace, well-knowing that Jongin sat somewhere else but heard this.

‘’Jongin?’’ he tries again, voice soft.

_ ‘’Yeah-’’ _ Jongin bids in suddenly, clearing his throat. _ ‘’Yes?’’ _

Kyungsoo can hear him gulp.

‘’Was it okay?’’ Kyungsoo asks though, not able to hold the twinge in his voice out or how it turns into a whisper.

_ ‘’Hyung,’’  _ Jongin says, _ ‘’it was beautiful.’’ _

Kyungsoo’s toes curl, and he muffles the upcoming squeal into one kneecap.

_ ‘’You’re beautiful.’’ _

_ ‘’I mean-’’  _ Jongin makes a startled laugh,  _ ‘’your voice was beautiful. You can definitely do a cover of it and put it up. I’ll promote it and all. I mean it.’’ _

It didn’t matter before that other people were to hear it or not. 

It does just a bit right now, because maybe Kyungsoo can get to show his passion too, with a push from the source of his inspiration himself.

‘’Okay,’’ he says.

_ ‘’Okay?’’ _

‘’I’ll - I mean I’ll put it up soon, I think. Okay.’’

_ ‘’Ah.’’ _ Pause.  _ ‘’Okay,’’ _ a warm laugh.

There’s a pause again, but it’s not awkward. It’s a little different than the other ones, where Kyungsoo can hear Jongin breathe and likewise.

_ ‘’Kyungsoo, I was wondering-’’ _

There’s a rustle, and then something reminding of an affronted bark from the other line - 

_ ‘’Wassup, brother,’’  _ a foreign voice says.

Some more rustling ensues, followed by voices, panting and a low  _ ‘ouch’ _ , followed by a door slamming and the stranger laughing into the phone, breathy.

There’s a background shout, some thumping and a -  **_‘’Taemin, give me the phone-’’_ **

_ ‘’Jongin will be back later, alright? We’re going to the arcade now, but I promise you’ll get your loverboy back,’’ _ he’s playful, and Kyungsoo doesn’t even get to say anything before the phone call ends.

Kyungsoo is left staring at the screen with a flabbergasted expression on his face.

But it’s okay.

Things are kind of okay right now.

  


**D.O:** I’M IN HEAVEN I CAN’T BE HERE ANYMORE

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** well apparently u left 4 more thun a week without sayin porper goodbye u fckin noob

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** so did u see that fucken tokyo gholle ep or wat i swear to gid


	4. DON'T 'BRO' ME

The screen on the recorder has gotten a little greasy, so Kyungsoo has to clean it a few couple of times, and ends up spending another twenty minutes fixing his hair afterwards, wearing contact lenses today though it makes his astigmatism play foul.

He squints at the screen and then settles back, flumping on the bed with his guitar, and he’s happy that he doesn’t have the Tarzan cover on his duvet today but something mundane, a dull blue.

His posters can be seen in the background though, one of Pororo that he admittedly won’t take down, though he has removed the one with Prince of Tennis.

The camera has a self-timer on, so he sits there for the next ten seconds, taking a deep breath before a red dot shows on the device and the recording starts.

Just then, Jabba presses herself in through the half-open door, her loud breathing apparent and a grunt when she nudges against Kyungsoo’s leg since she wants to get up in the bed.

Kyungsoo sighs.

He spends almost two hours recording a 4-5 minutes video, and afterwards he has to look through the countless of clips to choose the right one. 

He’s more livelier in these than in the ones he took prior - maybe because he remembers the call he had with Jongin a week ago. It has stuck to his memory, and each time he sings, one corner of his mouth can’t help but to jut up a few couple of times, because…

_ ‘Hyung, it was beautiful.’ _

He has ended up stopping too many times in the middle of singing to squeal or grimace because it’s so cheesy, and it makes his heart burst aflame.

But in the end, there’s not much editing that needs to be done. Kyungsoo needed the video program back when he was younger and used to make Anime Music Videos or things alike, though now he only needs it to make the screen a bit lighter or fix smaller audio problems.

Half an hour later, he sits with the final piece on the screen.

He doesn’t watch the endgame because he knows there will always be something he would want to fix, and instead he lifts his phone and takes a sort of well-angled selca (practice makes progress), one of the first ones where he isn’t wearing glasses either, and posts a link to his YouTube channel with a puzzled message that says a video of him doing a cover will be up in some hours.

He only has to wait a minute or more before he’s got a hundred likes and some comments already, and he holds a hand over his mouth when he sees  **d.oppaa12** write:  _ ‘i’m so excited to hear d.o oppa sing! love u oppa!! fighting!!’  _

While there’s another one whose username is  **d.ofucker** that says:  _ ‘fuckin right’ _

He begrudgingly glares at his YouTube channel that is still uploading the video, though he perks up when the blue icon on the sideline jumps, a skype notification emitting a ping. 

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** kyungdong i swear to god did u fuken watch the ghoul tkokyo ep or what 

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** i think ive waited lyk 4 mor thun a month idek i deserve better than this

**D.O:** i watCHED it okay are you happy now

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** ye s hwo was it like

**D.O:** the manga was better lol 

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** …

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** wat…

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** u fukn serius 

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** i h8 u  so much kyunsu 

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** im breakin up with u n im takin the children w/ me

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** junmeyn too 

Well, Kyungsoo thinks. That escalated quickly. 

Yet he’s smiling, because at least some of the nerves are soothed, and he’s grinning stupidly when a few minutes later there’s a second skype chat popping up, this time with Junmyeon who’s butting in.

**Church_boy69:** What did you do???!

**D.O:** what

**Church_boy69:** Yifan is talking about moving out with some kids or something

**Church_boy69:** Why does he keep acting like we’re all married? I’m so confused

**Church_boy69:** I don’t want to be the victim of your love quarrel

**D.O:** u forgot hte kids?? 

**Church_boy69:** What kids

**D.O:** omg juumyeon 

**Church_boy69:** kIDS?

**D.O:** our kids. have u been sleeping under a rock.. go to church myuejnjun

**Church_boy69:** WHAT KIDS

**Church_boy69:** Also I’v e told you, I’m a buddhist!!

**D.O:** nice username tho

**D.O:** all our faves like that suzuki kid

**Church_boy69:** His name is Sasuke!

**D.O:** sazuki right

**Church_boy69:** Sasuke

**D.O:** naruto

**Curch_boy69:** Ok I’m breaking up with the both of you and you can get all the kids IDC goodbye

**D.O:** junmueon no 

**D.O:** we were so perfect

**Church_boy69:** YOU GUYS ARE BOTH ABOVE 18 WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ACT LIKE IT

**D.O:** you know

**D.O:** peter pan is a terribly inspiring young man

**Church_boy69:** Bye

**D.O:** jUNMAN

However, a third one mingles in-between, and Kyungsoo still isn’t used to it.

Used to the name that pops up, along with a hearty greeting.

**K_Jongin:** Hey Soo!

**K_Jongin:** Saw your instagram update. Are you uploading the cover now?

**D.O:** yeha 

**D.O:** turned cowboy for a sec sorry

**D.O:** yeah*

**K_Jongin:** Lol

**D.O:** oh you know how to use the web acronyms?

**K_Jongin:** What? You think I don’t know how the internet works?

**D.O:** c’mon

**D.O:** we both know you’re a grandpa when it comes to technology

**K_Jongin:** Omg, Soo

**K_Jongin:** Okay, you’re right… Maybe

**K_Jongin:** But I’ve gotten better though

**K_Jongin:** I know how Tumblr works, etc.

**D.O:** were you really the one who edited your theme tho

**K_Jongin:** …

**K_Jongin:** No, but… I added some of the pictures myself

**D.O:** proud of you man

**K_Jongin:** Is this what they call Cyber Bullying

**D.O:** the nerd bullying a jock 

**D.O:** they could make a new hollywood movie out of this 

**K_Jongin:** Now I’m a Jock? 

**D.O:** well you’re a hot piece of man on the internet i mean i’d have to choose one of the stereotypes

**K_Jongin:** :)

**D.O:** STOP 

**D.O:** I DIDN’T MEAN TO

**K_Jongin:** You think I’m hot, eh?

**D.O:** no you’re uGLY 

**K_Jongin:** :(

**D.O:** ok you’re pretty then?

**K_Jongin:** … :((

**D.O:** flaMING HOT

**K_Jongin:** Don’t exaggerate

**D.O:** medium grilled?

**K_Jongin:** Where do you even get these wordings from

**D.O:** it’s a tumblr condition

**K_Jongin:** Why haven’t I caught it then?

**D.O:** because you’re a grandpa

**K_Jongin:** Grandpas can’t breakdance

**D.O:** thought you did ballet and jazz

**K_Jongin:** I’m expanding the opportunities 

**D.O:** yeah call me when ur at the hospital with a zigzag spine ok

**K_Jongin:** You should have some faith in me 

**K_Jongin:** You totally adored me just some months ago 

**D.O:** it’s cause i now know what a true jiggly puppy you are beneath the cool facade yanno

**K_Jongin:** I’m not a puppy!

**D.O:** woof

**K_Jongin:** Kyungsoo

**D.O:** hehehehe

**K_Jongin:** You’re so mean

**D.O:** you’re finally realizing what mistake u committed by befriending me hah?? 

**K_Jongin:** No, because you’re mean AND cute. 

**K_Jongin** : So it evens out.  

**K_Jongin:** Because you’re

**D.O:** stop 

**K_Jongin** : The cutest

**D.O:** no

**K_Jongin:** Squishiest

**D.O:** jongin

**K_Jongin:** Cupcake

**D.O:** I’M LEAVING

**K_Jongin:** That ever lived

**D.O:** lived?? past tense?? are you planning on killing me?!

**K_Jongin:** :)

**D.O:** don’t ‘:)’ me!!

**D.O:** i’m confiscating your smileys okay

It’s getting easier.

Or the chats get more comfortable to strive through. Kyungsoo doesn’t have to think much about what he says anymore, or worries if Jongin would think he’s odd.

Because Jongin is just as peculiar with his small wordings, naivety in some areas, mischievousness in others, and then his knowledge in most subjects.

Something changed after that phone call. Kyungsoo can’t really put a finger on it or put it into words, but now they’re back to chatting averagely again, and a stone has loosened within his chest. 

It felt good. It felt good to get acknowledged by Jongin, but not solely because he’s someone Kyungsoo has looked up to for long. There’s something else about it, a third factor that presses itself in, has been sneaking into his subconscious mind lately that makes it all seem much closer.

One that makes Jongin’s voice sound so intimate on the phone to Kyungsoo, makes him sound like he’s mere meters away when he calls again, and has even managed to contact Kyungsoo three times through phone calls during the last week. 

First time was just a test-call, was what Jongin said - to make sure that Kyungsoo wouldn’t freak out if it happened again. Yet they ended up talking for an hour, and Minseok had been ticked off because they were supposed to study, even if his own phone was buzzing with recent messages from his boyfriend, and Yixing had merely said anything but smiled big in the background.

Second was when Jongin was done with an event and had a long way home, so he called Kyungsoo as Kyungsoo was in the middle of rewatching One Piece / half-heartedly doing an assignment, and from there on they had ended up talking about One Piece since Jongin is a big fan too.

Third was yesterday, just because Jongin wanted to, apparently, and he was busy so they only got to talk for two minutes - but he said he wanted to hear if Kyungsoo was okay.

And Kyungsoo sits now and writes a  _ ‘bye bye!! remember to eat well and all that shit’  _ somewhat fondly since Jongin is darting off with some friends.

He barely remembers he has put up that YouTube video, and flumps down with a ridiculous smile on his face. 

Knocking three times on the door isn’t enough.

Kyungsoo has to yell, fish out his phone and call Chanyeol before he gets a response, a blubbered ‘’wut’’ from the other line, followed by lazy footsteps and the rustle of the door unlocking.

Chanyeol comes in view moments later, bed hair obvious and bags beneath his eyes. He grouses and doesn’t even ask why Kyungsoo is here, rubbing some knuckles into his eyelids while he steps aside to let the other get through.

Kyungsoo takes the state of the room in, and it’s messy with a pizza tray on the ground, and Baekhyun isn’t there. ‘’Did you pull an all-nighter or?’’ he can’t help but to smile, granting Chanyeol a look over one shoulder.

The groan in response says enough.

‘’Yeah I had this dumb chem essay I had to finish and all. The professor is so harsh,’’ the taller murmurs, settling down on his bed so that the mattress squeaks. ‘’Baek is gone by the way - out for vocal and all, ‘case you were wondering.’’ 

Kyungsoo hums, ‘’ah’’. He’s a bit strict regarding tidying, so he raises a brow at some boxers on the floor that he fishes up with a foot and throws into one of the cloth bins.

It’s late midday and today’s lessons are over. 

Chanyeol must’ve went straight to bed when his were done and gone to campus. 

Kyungsoo looks slightly amused as he fixes the strap on his bag, slipping it off to unzip it. ‘’You know the mic and recorder I borrowed a long time ago, right?’’ he starts, but is interrupted by Chanyeol’s loud **_‘hey!’_ ** that nearly makes Kyungsoo throw the camera into the air.

He ends up clutching it tightly to his chest instead, eyes widening - ‘’ _ what? _ what is it?’’ he squawks. 

‘’I saw your video!’’ the taller chortles, pointing at Kyungsoo, suddenly sounding far more awake than what he was a minute ago. ‘’The one you posted like four days ago, right? Song cover,’’ he continues with hand gestures, and stands up, a wide smile on his face and an incredulous look in his eyes.

Kyungsoo breathes out, one hand finding its way to his chest beside the cam, ‘’oh god,’’ he says, ‘’you’re making a fit out of that?’’ he murmurs, but there’s a warmth spreading on his face and he looks down when Chanyeol keeps the pearly whites bared in a smile that’s too big for his face while he leans closer.

‘’ _ Just _ that?’’ Chanyeol repeats, mischievous but inquiring. ‘’Man, you’re blowing up on the net - saw you on reddit too!’’ he sits on the floor now indian-style, and Kyungsoo is on his knees with the gadget in his embrace, looking sour yet with color reaching up to the peak of his ears.

‘’Well...,’’ Kyungsoo shrugs as if it’s nothing, even if his lower lip is worrying and he’s barely refraining from smiling. ‘’I guess they liked it.’’ 

‘’I’ve always known you could sing, but this was really good, yanno?’’ Chanyeol licks his lips and rests his back against the edge of the bed. ‘’I didn’t even need to stalk your instagram to find it. Baekhyun shoved it in my face since he found it on tumblr a day after it was released.’’

‘’It’s just temporary fame,’’ Kyungsoo waves it off, but Chanyeol slaps the back of the hand and holds a finger out, brows raised - ‘’if you leave it be, it is!’’ 

Kyungsoo looks skeptical, putting the gadget down. ‘’I don’t know, really. You see a lot of people who become a one-time thing and then it peels off.’’

The other crosses his arms and huffs. ‘’Maybe, but you can’t know that yet. There’s no harm in posting some more, and it seems you’ve already gotten a pretty solid follower count for a first-timer. Your insta followers are exceeding mine already,’’ he grimaces. ‘’So don’t knock it till you try it, bro.’’

Kyungsoo crinkles his nose in distaste. ‘’Don’t  _ ‘bro’ _ me.’’

‘’Bro,’’ Chanyeol tilts his head.

Kyungsoo stares.

Chanyeol stares back.

‘’Alright,’’ the smaller sighs and pushes his glasses up. ‘’I’ll see where it goes or… something. I mean, it’s just… song covers and all.’’

Chanyeol smiles at this, somehow softer than before. ‘’You deserve that,’’ he says, voice earnest.

Kyungsoo looks up, returning the smile. ‘’Thank you.’’

There’s a comfortable silence that fills in, right until Chanyeol startles the other again with a loud whooping sound, the moment broken by his boisterous voics-  ‘’that  **_reminds_ ** me!’’

His feet travel over the wooden floor in order to get his computer on the desk, and he slumps down on the bed with the device on his lap, absently patting the spot next to him with one hand. 

Kyungsoo sits down next to him, curious. 

He slips his phone out of his pocket again to see if he’s got a notification since Jongin has promised to contact him around this time, but there’s nothing so he puts it down between Chanyeol and himself.

‘’Have you seen it?’’

‘’Seen what?’’

‘’The video.’’

‘’Video. What video?’’

‘’Seriously?’’ Chanyeol makes an ugly expression in disbelief, and Kyungsoo smacks his arm - ‘’just tell me already!’’ 

Kyungsoo’s brows furrow when he sees Jongin’s channel pop in view, and Chanyeol clicks on one of the most recent videos called  **_‘Important’_ ** .

Silence fills the room as Jongin’s voice tunes in, and there’s a smile on his face as he welcomes the viewers like he always does with skewed handsigns and a  _ ‘’Hey, Kim Kai here!’’ _

His smile is as warm as always and eyes crinkling with the expression.

What’s different this time is that it’s not a review or an update, and Kyungsoo is processing the hair change, since Jongin’s hair is of a silvery blond now and not black, recently bleached and outstanding with his slightly dark skin color.

Kyungsoo can only pay attention to it for a few seconds though, because the next words are  _ ‘’So I have a friend called D.O who I’ve persuaded into making song covers, and you should really listen to the first one he’s put up on YouTube!’’  _

A secondary screen slides in with Kyungsoo’s video. 

Jongin’s voice is dulled in the background as a short review of Kyungsoo’s voice is amplified to be the main audio, the one where he sits with the guitar in his embrace, eyes closed during one of the end parts, singing  _ ‘Take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Place your head on my beating heart - I’m thinking out loud’ _

_ ‘’I’ve known D.O for some months now but we’ve become pretty good friends already. He’s really cute and talented, and I’d be happy if you could give him a chance. He’s also got an account on instagram and Tumblr too,’’ _ Jongin explains, and Kyungsoo can barely pay attention to how Chanyeol is presenting him a shit-eating grin from the sideline and eyebrows that wag up and down in an exaggerated way.

‘’Kyungsoo?’’ he has stopped the video, because Kyungsoo is just staring, mouth half-agape.

‘’Kyungsoo, are you okay? Breathe man, breathe, okay?’’ 

The smaller only startles out of the reverie when a prominent click resounds in his ears, along with the sound of Chanyeol letting out a booming laughter, one eye ticking.

He’s holding up Kyungsoo’s phone, the cam facing the smaller as he has caught just the right moment of Kyungsoo gaping incredulously at the screen.

‘’I’m putting this on instagram so that they’ll see your true nature,’’ he snickers and passes the computer onto the other’s lap, resulting that Kyungsoo can’t fetch him.

‘’Wait-  _ no _ ,’’ and Kyungsoo innerly, genuinely - and so totally regrets he doesn’t have a lock on his screen. He almost throws the computer off his lap to tackle Chanyeol onto the bed, and the two of them roll around. Chanyeol is bigger and stronger and easily rolls over so that he sits on Kyungsoo’s lower abdomen. 

Kyungsoo is making feeble noises, his glasses have fallen off and he’s helplessly clawing up along Chanyeol’s arms to reach the phone, but in response Chanyeol just adjusts his seat and traps Kyungsoo’s arms between his thighs, meaning that Kyungsoo is basically a worm beneath him, wriggling frantically.

However, they both stop when the screen lights up from where Chanyeol is holding it in the air, the phone starting to buzz and the seventh themesong of One Piece reeving through. 

The name of the caller is recognizable - one that makes his smile widen.

**_’Jongin (_ ** **_｡_ ** **_´_ ** **_‿｀♡_ ** **_)’_ **

There’s a glint in Chanyeol’s eyes, and there’s horror in Kyungsoo’s.

‘’Chanyeol,  _ no _ .’’

‘’Chanyeol,  **yes** .’’

One greasy thumb presses onto the touch screen and swipes across it, and Chanyeol is bordering the look of a madman when he puts the phone up to his ear. 

‘’Hey,’’ he says as the first thing, lowering his voice on purpose so that it sounds deep and almost intimidating.

**‘’Chan-’’** he puts a hand on Kyungsoo’s mouth, and doesn’t budge even if Kyungsoo licks the back side and tries to bite it too.

_ ‘’Hey, uh.. this is Kyungsoo’s phone, right?’’  _

‘’Ah,’’ Chanyeol has a somewhat dramatic pause, and he’s breathing a little hard from having wrestled with the other. 

‘’It is. I’m Chanyeol, by the way. I just took it for,’’ he adjusts his seat and lets out another little ‘ah’ and clears his throat,’’Kyungsoo, since he’s a little busy at the moment.’’

_ ‘’Busy?’’ _ there’s a sharp tone in it.

‘’Mm, yeah, maybe you should ask him yourself,’’ Chanyeol removes his hand and presses the phone down to Kyungsoo’s ear, cradling it there. 

Kyungsoo is lacking air. He gasps into the phone as he hears a familiar  _ ‘’Kyungsoo?’’ _ , eyes widening in alert when Chanyeol in the exact moment amplifies the weight on his lower abdomen.

Kyungsoo’s eyes bulge out, a row of air seeping through his teeth too. He lets out a choked sound; a soft ‘’Wait,’’ and a ‘’please,’’ -- and even worse, another  _ ‘’ah’’ _ , and an even louder moan - **_‘’Chanyeol,’’_ ** when the taller bounces on him and his face is turning red from the strain.

Chanyeol is laughing soundlessly and snatches the phone away, clearing his throat again, on purpose sounding breathy then, ‘’he’ll call you back later, alright?’’ 

There’s no response from the other line, so Chanyeol ends the conversation.

He rolls off the other, doesn’t make it far before he’s kicked off the bed, though he’s laughing till tears spring up in his eyes. ‘’ **Dude** , he totally thinks we’re fu-’’

A pillow flies into his face, smacking him upside down, and Kyungsoo starts beating him with it, even if his glasses are gone and he barely knows where he’s hitting. 

**‘’Stupid,’’** smack,  **‘’poopy,’’** smack,  **‘’disgusting,’’** smack,  **_‘’butthole,’’_ ** he stops the actions to breathe out.

**_‘’He doesn’t even know I’m gay!’’_ ** his voice heightens some octaves with the last words, and now he slumps down. ‘’Now he thinks I have thing for voyeurism, probably, and- and,’’ he groans into his hands, then takes a hold of Chanyeol’s shirt, rustling the taller’s torso back and forth.

They’re interrupted when the phone buzzes on the bed again, same ringtone from before. 

Same caller.

Their eyes meet for a second, and then the rustling ensues, limbs entangling, groaning erupting in the room and a thunk of them falling over each other.

‘’Kyungsoo--- **Kyungsoo here** ,’’ Kyungsoo groans into the phone, half-draped over the bed.

_ ‘’Kyungsoo, so it’s your phone?’’  _

_ ‘’What’s going on?’’  _ Jongin sounds slightly panicked now, voice louder than before.

‘’It’s not what you think! It’s just because Chanyeo _ ooo _ **_oo_ ** **-** ’’ Kyungsoo’s voice breaks over. Chanyeol has grabbed his ankles and tries to drag him off the bed, and the smaller claws helplessly at the duvet.

‘’ **Ah** ,  _ Kyungsoo _ ,’’ Chanyeol is loud in the background - ‘’you’re a **_wild_ ** one, aren’t you?’’ he groans deeply, almost exaggeratedly, and snatches the phone again when Kyungsoo has fallen off the bed. 

They momentarily wrestle again, ending up in an awkward tangle of limbs while Chanyeol has won the phone, though he realizes the caller has already hung up.

Silence fills in, aside from their loud panting.

_ ‘’Chanyeol...’’  _ Kyungsoo’s voice is a low whisper, and his eyes are empty-looking, brows arched. 

It’s first now that Chanyeol sort of backs off, alarm bells seemingly ringing in his head, and he mutters a  _ ‘’oh shit-’’ _

Baekhyun’s face was priceless when he walked in.

The first thing he saw was Chanyeol who was tied to one of the chairs, mouth gagged with a pair of used briefs and eyes screaming  _ ‘help’,  _ whereas Kyungsoo stood on the sideline, his hair rumpled, glasses askew and face telling murder, a towel swivelled into a whip in his hand.

Now, Kyungsoo groans loud enough in the hallway in his home upon entering so that his mother shushes him from the kitchen, peering in with a spatula in her hand, asking what’s the matter.

Kyungsoo mellows out on the kitchen table, fidgeting with his phone while he mutters that life sucks, and Kyungsoo’s mother pretends she has empathy for a poor fanboy, just like Minseok.

Jabba trots over and butts against Kyungsoo’s feet, huffing there.

Kyungsoo isn’t sure if he dares to contact Jongin.

But there had been a misunderstanding, so he has to.

There has just always been the  _ ‘what if’ _ all along that really starts to surface now, the one cornering the current circumstances -  the fact that Kyungsoo is still in the closet in the public eye, even if his friends knows about it, his mother and brother too.

What if Jongin thinks he’s disgusting - even if nothing really happened?

Would Jongin hate him now?

Kyungsoo has never really considered what Jongin thinks about other sexualities than what’s the most common.

He has never thought about what Jongin’s sexuality is, either.

And he grins into his hands, because why did he even think Jongin would be into him in the first place, if it wasn’t for connecting with a fan or for a brand new friend or a  _ hyung _ .

Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to believe, but it’s in these moments that reality surfaces and he would rather want that some things went back to the average, just to spare his own heart.

He waddles into his room and finally digs into the contact list on his phone, putting the device up to his ear while he closes the door and leans against it.

It rings for  awhile.

Jongin doesn’t take it this time.

Kyungsoo murmurs to himself and runs a hand under his glasses.

He calls Jongin again to no avail.

Jongin doesn’t even take it on the third or fourth try either.

That’s how the next days go by, with Kyungsoo faceplanting on most tables and Minseok patting his head and Yixing buying him an extra cup of coffee.

‘’Really, I don’t want to be mean, but if that Kai dude hasn’t noticed your big fat crush months ago, he must be blind,’’ Minseok leans back after having granted Kyungsoo a round of hearty patting.

‘’I’m just confused,’’ Yixing drums his fingers on the edge of the table. ‘’I thought they were dating already?’’

**‘’Dating?’’** Kyungsoo perks up, eyes wide as he barks out a fake laugh, ‘’don’t make me… don’t make me…’’ his eyes become glazed and he ends it with a sniff, ‘’laugh,’’ no real effect in the words.

He sighs out. ‘’Jongin is probably as straight as a pole.’’ 

‘’He gets  _ all _ the girls, and he-’’ he raises his torso, staring down, ‘’he probably already has someone he likes out of the lot.’’

‘’All the popular boys just don’t want a nerd like me,’’ he pouts.

Minseok deadpans on the other side. ‘’Do you realize you were exactly like this when you had a crush on that eyebrow stud from Attack on Titan.’’

Kyungsoo stiffens. ‘’That was way back!’’ 

‘’A year ago.’’

‘’Past!’’ 

Yixing laughs and holds an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, ‘’but hey, aren’t you making this into some clichéd high school movie? Let the guy cool down and then talk later on. Nobody likes bursting in on someone ‘having sex’.’’

‘’We weren’t having sex!’’

Yixing tilts his head and smiles. ‘’Anyway, the worst he could do would be that he’d discuss it on the internet and shame you there.’’

‘’Yixing, please...’’ Minseok deadpans, closes his eyes and waits for the horror.

Kyungsoo gawks, holding a hand over his throat -  **‘’So Kai is going to-’’**

‘’Wait, it was just a possibility,  _ I didn’t mean--’’ _

Kyungsoo isn’t thinking clearly.

But well, it’s three in the middle of the night, and it’s chilly outside, December going through with a flurry of mild snow for starters.

He hears the roof creak a bit, and it’s usually a comforting sound, but right now he only finds misery when he’s left alone with his thoughts.

His iPhone is nestled in his palm, and the screen is lighting up from how he keeps turning it on and off with a click on the middle.

Jongin hasn’t answered the skype messages either - might not even have seen them, and it’s been three days since it happened.

Kyungsoo must be out of it, because though he’s been quiet to give Jongin some time, he finds his way into his contact list and calls a certain number.

He doesn’t expect anything.

He just puts it up to his ear, turns onto his side and closes his eyes.

He doesn’t expect there to be a breathy sound and a sleepy  _ ‘’yeah?’’ _ , and Jongin’s voice is deeper than the usual, making Kyungsoo’s toes curl. 

His hold on his blanket tightens. ‘’Jongin?’’

There’s a pause, some more silence and then another breath -  _ ‘’Kyungsoo?’’ _

Kyungsoo gulps but keeps the line going. ‘’Jongin, I’m sorry for what happened earlier. Nothing was going on - it was just my friend Chanyeol who wanted to take a picture of me so we fought for the phone, and then you called and he pinned me down and sat on me. When you called for the second time, he pulled me off the bed and still tried to snatch the phone away from me,’’ he explains rather quickly, though his voice is sincere.

Jongin seems to comprehend this, and it takes a while or some minutes of low murmuring. It sounds like he’s turning on his bed.

_ ‘’Ah-’’ _ it’s strange, because he groans and there’s a smack,  _ ‘’I’m so stupid…’’ _

Kyungsoo tilts his head. ‘’What?’’ 

Jongin amends it -  _ ‘’No, I mean… I’m sorry. I was childish. I just… I thought… yeah.’’ _

‘’You thought what?’’ 

There’s a scoff.  _ ‘’Thought he was your boyfriend or something, cause you took a picture with him earlier too… and so on, you know?’’ _

Kyungsoo can’t hold back the laugh, grinning into his pillow, ‘’no, no… not at all. He’s just a childhood friend.’’

_ ‘’Not your boyfriend?’’ _

‘’No, not my boyfriend.’’

Silence.

_ ‘’Ah. So. Do you...’’  _

A cough.

_ ‘’Do you have a boyfriend?’’ _

Kyungsoo holds his breath.

‘’Uh… uh…,’’ he has to answer wisely. Maybe Jongin will really have something against him if he says that he’s into guys. That would ruin a lot of things. It would hurt a lot more to know that Jongin feels that way.

‘’No, I’m single. I’ve never-’’ he laughs shortly, ‘’I’ve never had a lover before.’’ 

‘’I mean, uh- I’m, uh. I’m not into guys, so.’’ He has to play it safe. Lie if necessary.

However, Jongin doesn’t answer at this. 

_ ‘’You’re not into guys?’’ _ there’s something softer in his voice this time, voice turning dull.

And Kyungsoo is stupid enough to go into backpedal and turn it around with 360 degrees.

‘’I like anime.’’

He tenses. ‘’ **I mean--...** are you… are you asking if I’m gay?’’ 

_ ‘’Yeah.’’ _ The younger sounds a bit firmer now.

Kyungsoo shrugs, as if the other can see it. ‘’I mean… I. Well.’’

He clears his throat. ‘’Would you mind?’’

_ ‘’Mind?’’ _

‘’I mean. Would you mind if I was?’’

_ ‘’No… no I wouldn’t.’’ _

‘’Oh. Oh okay. Well then I’m… I’m gay. Just so you know.’’

Jongin is quiet too often, like he’s thinking things through.

_ ‘’Ah. Okay.’’ _

‘’Okay?’’

_ ‘’Yeah. Okay.’’ _

‘’So.’’

_ ‘’So?’’ _

‘’So are you gay too?’’

_ ‘’Gay?’’ _

‘’Are you gay?’’

_ ‘’I… I don’t know? _

‘’You don’t know?’’

_ ‘’No I mean. I mean I’m currently...  thinking about it.’’ _

‘’About being gay?’’

_ ‘’No! No I mean… I’m… progressing.’’ _

‘’Progressing?’’

_ ‘’Yes uh. You know. Exploring… and all.’’ _

‘’Oh… so you don’t know yet?’’

_ ‘’No, I guess I… don’t’ know yet. I… like both? I don’t know.’’ _

‘’Have you ever kissed a boy?’’

_ ‘’Kissed a boy? No.’’ _

‘’Kissed a girl?’’

_ ‘’Yeah. When I was younger, I mean. My cousin sort of still wants to marry me today.’’ _

‘’Ah, funny.’’  _ It’s not. You’re mine. _

Kyungsoo’s lower lip sticks out and he draws the blanket closer, huffing.

_ ‘’So... have you, then?’’ _

‘’Kissed a boy?’’

_ ‘’Yeah.’’ _

‘’No, not really, I guess… Or- I mean, yes. To… frat parties, the ones I’ve attended.’’

Baekhyun still has a bundle of pictures from one of their first frat parties, some left in the dirt for good.

_ ‘’Was it good?’’ _

‘’I don’t… remember.’’

_ ‘’Oh.’’ _

‘’Yeah.’’

_ ‘’So… but… I mean…’’ _

‘’Yeah?’’

_ ‘’No, uh. Nevermind, I mean...’’ _

‘’What is it?’’

_ ‘’It’s just… I thought how it’d be like… to… you know...’’ _

‘’What?’’

Kyungsoo thinks he might even hear how Jongin is blushing on the other line.

_ ‘’To.. kiss you?’’ _

‘’To kiss me?’’

_ ‘’Yeah.’’ _

‘’Well, um. I don’t… I don’t know how it’s like. I can’t kiss myself.’’  _ Good going, moron. _

He hides his face in a pillow, sighing because his mouth tends to run off like this.

Jongin laughs.  _ ‘’Oh, um. No, that’s right, I guess.’’ _

Kyungsoo can feel that he’s warm down to his feet. ‘’I’d like to kiss you too.’’

He nearly screams when he processes what he’s just said, but he’s cut off when he thinks he hears a thunk from the other line and some other noise, a low  _ ‘ouch’ _ .

‘’Jongin?’’

_ ‘’Yeah?’’ _

‘’You okay?’’

_ ‘’Yes- I was just. I don’t know.’’ _

‘’Oh. Ah.’’

_ ‘’Yeah um. But.. thank you, I guess.’’ _

‘’For what?’’

Jongin makes an airy noise. _ ‘’For… for wanting to kiss me?’’ _

‘’Oh. Yeah. You’re welcome. I bet there’s a lot of other fans who would like that too, hah.’’

Jongin chortles.

There’s a comfortable silence where it is as if they’re just listening to one another’s presence. 

‘’You have blonde hair now,’’ Kyungsoo perks up, and Jongin sounds sheepish on the other line, shy almost.

_ ‘’Ah, so you saw.’’ _

‘’Yeah. It suits you,’’ there’s warmth in Kyungsoo’s voice.

_ ‘’Thank you.’’ _

Before Kyungsoo can perch in another line, Jongin’s voice changes tone.

_ ‘’Kyungsoo… I was wondering,’’  _ he murmurs.  _ ‘’You know when we talked over phone for the first time, right? And there was something I wanted to ask you _ ?’’

Kyungsoo can feel his heart speed up in his chest. ‘’Yeah?’’

Jongin takes a deep breath.  _ ‘’I was wondering if, uh...’’ _

He clears his throat.  _ ‘’If you wanted to come to a fan event here in this weekend? Tomorrow, I mean. It’s uh, it’s held in my city. The big one, right next to yours, if I remember correctly. I would’ve asked you back then, but um… yeah.’’ _

Kyungsoo blanches out. He might’ve gotten some time to build up the courage if he had been notified earlier, but this is sudden.

‘’Tomorrow?’’ he whispers.

_ ‘’Yeah,’’  _ Jongin’s voice is soft.  _ ‘’Tomorrow. Like, after this night and then after that night. It’s one where the fans will meet with Taemin, Sehun and I. Some fan sign event and so on, you know? I’ll make sure you can get in, or otherwise come later on where some have ebbed out and you can go up to the panel. I’ll be there.’’ _

‘’So… so we can meet?’’

_ ‘’Yeah. So, um. So we can meet.’’ _

Kyungsoo wants to protest, somehow. Maybe things aren’t the same if they stand before each other. It’s been fine when there has still been a line between reality and ‘fiction’. That from afar Jongin can’t see how Kyungsoo blushes or how he runs out of breath when Jongin compliments him.

Maybe Jongin will realize who Kyungsoo is, how he looks like, and not like what he sees.

Kyungsoo swallows thickly.

‘’Yeah… okay. Okay. I’ll come, if you could just leave the address in a message, and then I’ll take the train.’’ 

_ ‘’Yeah?’’  _ there’s a twinge in Jongin’s voice and a puppy-like breath, quick and excited.

But Kyungsoo mostly just feels nervous, and buries himself deeper into the blanket. ‘’Yeah.’’

_ ‘’Oh, wow. Okay. Okay… Talk to you then?’’ _

Kyungsoo tries to keep the tremor in his voice down. ‘’Goodnight, Jongin.’’

Jongin’s voice is soft though. Tender, almost.

_ ‘’Goodnight, Kyungsoo.’’ _

Kyungsoo turns onto his back and stares into the dark, and he doesn’t know why his heart is clenching within his chest, and he feels so small - smaller than he has ever been.

Jongin says so many things. It all seems perfect, like this is real, like Kyungsoo has a chance. As if he isn’t just another fan or maybe an internet friend of someone who has a thousand contacts on his phone most likely.

There has to be a turning point though, where something goes wrong, where one expectation makes the situation go down hill and a truth that should’ve surfaced a long ago begins to protrude. 

He blinks his eyes groggily when his phone does a ping with a skype notification.

It takes a while before his eyes adjust to the light.

**Church_boy69:** Ok Kyungsoo I know this is late and all and we’ve broken up,  but have you heard about the anime Tokyo Ghoul?

**D.O:** do you want to die


	5. WOULD YOU LET ME IN

Getting a hundred likes on a picture doesn’t necessarily give one the courage to go further.

Getting over a thousand on a video doesn’t do much either in the longer term, Kyungsoo realizes as he stands with his back against a rumbling wall, the train cabin crowded with other people this midday.

Sure, he has been more active lately. He gets asks on Tumblr and he gets to discuss anime with anonymous or other known users on the internet, though he has always been reserved, and despite some individuals flocking around him, he has kept the contact limited. Made sure to be kind but also dismissive if some got too close.

There’s negative and positive comments of all kinds in the bigger picture, rounding up as a final outlook that the media has on a character. On Kyungsoo’s as well.

Cute, is what they call him. Talented. Shy. 

Some say he’s got too big eyebrows, and that he looks like the asian version of Harry Potter and keep sending him  _ ‘you’re a wizard, D.O’  _ texts. 

Others say he’s ugly and boring, while most say he’s squishy, handsome and well-spoken after the cover song he put out where he also spoke a bit to the viewers and thanked them for paying him attention.

Sometimes the kind words get to his heart. It gets very close and he feels blessed, but there are also times where it feels superficial, where the attention he desired to get back in time feels odd to get now, fake almost. As if it’s not meant for him. He wonders if Jongin might feel like that too, sometimes. 

And he stands here with his hands buried in the pockets of his winter jacket and stares at the city passing by, while he wonders where the earlier rush came from, because he can’t feel it now.

He should’ve gotten enough attention to feel smothered for months. He should feel like he’s just as important as Jongin, even if they’re in reality both small fish in a big world. 

In general, he has been fed on the nice comments ever since they started coming. But it’s about a talent and an outward appearance and presentation in the media, and what actually meant something was that Jongin sat there, just a phone call away, and said  _ ‘It was beautiful, hyung.’ _

It had value that Kyungsoo suddenly felt capable, whether he was or wasn’t to other viewer’s eyes or not.

Though in the longer term, nothing eases the way his breath hitches now when the train comes to a halt in the underground and people rush out, including himself, and a cloud of transparent fume molds in front of his mouth.

The insecurities rooted deep down crawl back to protrude at the surface anyhow, especially because this is personal.

Because it has become personal, where it should’ve been fiction. There’s supposed to be a line. There’s supposed to be a fan and an idol, but Kyungsoo is not so sure what he is to Jongin anymore, or what Jongin will treat him like.

And the acknowledgement that has come from the internet and from a thousand mouths and eyes disappear in the background when nothing comes from Kyungsoo’s own core.

His thoughts begin to spur, and what he should’ve gathered was the courage to pat himself on the shoulder and enjoy what he does, enjoy himself, and as Jongin said in a conjured form,  _ ‘let the respect I have for myself grow each time and do what I like, and tell myself I have every right to be here too, whether people see me as a nuisance or not.’ _

However, Kyungsoo’s head is lowered a bit. He’s wearing his glasses today and he perches them up on the bridge of his nose again, groaning when they get a little fogged.

He walks upstairs and up to the city curb where noises appear from all sides, cars driving by and people walking even if it’s cold outside and there’s snow on the streets and the skyscrapers look bigger than before.

Kyungsoo starts walking even if the soles of his feet feel numb. 

He wonders if that line  _ has  _ been crossed, really. If the fiction has been left behind, because the final problem would be that there’s two sides of a story. To Jongin, this might be within the fiction. An idol meeting a fan.

To Kyungsoo, this might be real - or personal, and he’s still a fan, but now he knows better, and he knows more about what kind of person hides beneath the character that Jongin shows in public. 

The admiration that before roamed has now dulled down to  _ another _ kind of adoration, and Kyungsoo’s heart is pounding in his chest when he spots the big fashion center further ahead where a lot of people are already walking in, some groups of girls standing outside, looking excited.

It’s a little scary, he thinks.

It’s a little scary to think that maybe he would want more than just YouTube videos of the well-known dancer Kim Kai, even if he knows that he can’t really crave more than that. Even if he has no right to wish that, because it’s enough in itself that Jongin wants to talk to him, encourages him, almost like a mentor. 

It won’t matter that Jongin has said kind and suggestive things over the phone or has praised Kyungsoo, or engaged him in Skype chats or phone calls, because what matters in the end is what kind of look his eyes will harbor when he spots Kyungsoo between the crowds.

And Kyungsoo tends to blind himself with his worries, with the lack of acknowledgement he hasn’t found in himself yet.

He enters the mall while looking around at the girls that have gathered there, though there’s some boys as well. A lot of people have assembled here already, and he hasn’t made it too far.

He’s wearing simple denim jeans and sneakers today, along with a sweater beneath and a big blue jacket on top with faux fluff around the hood, hiding himself beneath it, pressing his glasses close.

The fansign event should already have been open for an hour now and should go on for some more time, and afterwards there will most likely be some stage performance and presence. 

Kyungsoo knows that Jongin has become popular on other media too, but the final eye-opener comes when he makes it to the center of the mall where the event is supposed to be held, where Kyungsoo can’t really see the middle because there’s a lot of people gathered there and a long line.

It’s most likely exaggerated as well because Taemin and Sehun are there too, but the people on the upper floors are looking over the railings, phone fished out to take picture or record the scene, and they might not be real idols, but the fans can be just as avid. This event was planned out weeks some ago too.

Most fansign events are private ones where lucky people are chosen. That’s for bigger celebrities while the lot here are amateurs and hold it in public, though some might arrange it for a few individuals too.

Jongin is steadily climbing the ladder of acknowledgement to various sets of eyes with both his videos, events and brief appearances in the bigger media too, as well with his current modelling where he has told Kyungsoo he’s meddling into a bigger contract.

And Kyungsoo is just a college boy who sings sometimes and recently got a little spur of fame for pouring his heart out in public, and that feeling from before - of being so small, catches up on him again while his fists clench in his jacket.

He tries to will it down though as he approaches the lot, and he remembers the text on his phone, the one he got this morning.

**_From Jongin (_ ** **_｡_ ** **_´_ ** **_‿｀♡_ ** **_)_ **

_ ‘Can’t wait to see you, hyung.’ _

And he only needs to approach one of the guards with a made up ‘codeword’ to get in. One Jongin has told Kyungsoo he has informed the guards of, so that they’ll let Kyungsoo come closer or ‘backstage’ to the personal rooms, but Kyungsoo settles to stand there along with the crowd, trying to peek in between.

He’s not too close, but just when a girl moves out of view with the biggest smile on her face, a squeal bubbling from her throat and a signed poster in her hand, Kyungsoo gets a brief glimpse.

Bleached blonde hair, a shy but big smile and attentive eyes. 

Jongin looks engaged in a chat with one of the fans. He tilts his head and nods, and laughs when the girl murmurs something, only briefly looking down to sign the paper before his gaze is up again and he waves to the girl.

Next to him Sehun and Taemin are sitting as well, both doing the same but with a different demeanor though same manners.

And Kyungsoo just stands there, and is unlike the rest completely packed away with the hood lowered, though he lifts it a bit to look.

It’s really scary, he thinks.

It’s really scary - the way his pulse speeds up and it feels like his heart is in his throat, and he realizes that he’s not sure…

He’s not sure if he could accept it if Jongin looked at him just as a fan or maybe brushed him off later on as a friend he once had.

He’s not sure if he’d be able to keep himself completely calm, and he’d be scared if he creeped Jongin out with potential future staring, his clumsiness or his general dorkiness.

With the crush that’s not so much a innocent crush anymore, but something that makes his insides churn and hurt with the possibility that it won’t be returned in the same way, despite everything - despite every effort Jongin has put into their friendship so far and despite the phonecall just a day and night ago.

Being in love is scary, is what Kyungsoo really thinks, and doesn’t realize how his feet are stepping backwards as he thinks that it has to wait. 

The line between fiction and reality isn’t supposed to be crossed if Kyungsoo’s head works like this, if he can’t will down his thundering heart or can’t treat Jongin better or be better than what he is now.

He’s brought out of his reverie when someone bumps into him, resulting that he nearly falls backwards on his way out. His glasses fall off so he ends up fumbling with them on the ground in a haste in case someone might step on them, hood drawn down and hair a little rumpled.

However, once he looks up and has raised himself, he hears a gasp and sees someone point at him, two girls and then someone guys next to them who stop up at the reaction.

‘’It’s Kai’s friend!’’ one says -  _ loudly, _ earning other fans´ attention, and Kyungsoo knows he has been recognized on the streets before a few couple of times, though most fans seem to come from overseas.

‘’D.O oppa came here to see Kai?’’ the other girl looks excited, and she’s fishing out her phone too. 

One comes closer and she looks hesitant but excited - with how she says ‘’I’m a big fan of D.O. Is it really you?’’

Kyungsoo stands still, somewhat shocked - and some of the other people are turning around too, creating a small circle around him gradually with how he just stands there, hands up in front of himself in timidity and  _ ‘um’  _ and  _ ‘ah’ _ s on his tongue.

‘’Uh, I have to- um,’’ he tries, but some girls press closer and there’s a fanboy too, whose face lights up as he says how good Kyungsoo is at singing. 

Some of the girls ask as for how long he and Kai have been friends, while others squeal in the background and he hears something about  _ ‘KaiDO’  _ and  _ ‘I told you’ _ s. 

It only gets worse when he manages to move further ahead, smiling or rather grimacing politely while he says ‘’I’m sorry, but uh,’’ never finishes a sentence, because someone asks ‘’is Kai your boyfriend? Did you come to see him?’’ 

They press these questions and words into his face, most who regard Kai and the fact that some rumors have proven to be true apparently.

Kyungsoo’s heart stops though when he looks over his shoulder and sees a glimpse of Jongin who is  _ standing up _ at the panel, looking over the crowd and at the commotion with a confused expression on his face, even if it’s hard to see.

And something changes on Jongin’s face when one fan yells to him from across the crowd that  **_D.O is here to see him_ ** , even if Kyungsoo is trying to move towards the opposite direction now.

Some look excited while they try to guide him the other way, but Kyungsoo’s temples are throbbing and the rest of the noises are tuned out with how he can’t breathe properly, fingers shaking and eyes starting to sting from all the gazes on him, and most likely Jongin’s too when he hears a prominent voice stand out, a  **_‘’Kyungsoo!’’_ **

He’s not sure what it is he’s doing, but his feet move on their own, and when he sees a loophole where he can get through, they know where to go.

Clumsily, his hood is drawn up again as he runs, and he doesn’t hear the gasping or the wandering voices in the background.

His throat is itching. He’s out of the mall, though he doesn’t stop running even if it might be dangerous with the ice and snow. 

It’s cold, but the fright is far more frigid - the embarrassment too when he realizes what he’s doing and why.

It’s quiet in the house. 

The slam of the frontdoor resounds there, through the hall. 

Kyungsoo’s mom is out with one of her old friends, so it’s just Jabba who soundly skitters over the floor to come and greet, and as always bonks into one of Kyungsoo’s shins.

The difference this time is that when Kyungsoo falls to his knees and hugs her close, his breath is short and his eyes are wet, glasses pressed up as he rubs his face in the pudgy pug tummy and Jabba grunts.

He tried his best not to cry while he took the train, but now the walls crumble and he sits with his back against the front door and with Jabba in his arms, sobbing to the silence of the house. 

‘’I’m so stupid…,’’ he murmurs through hasty exhaling, breathing out.

He startles as his pocket begins to vibrate. His jacket rustles with the motions, and he picks up his phone to see a familiar caller there, barely a half an hour later from when the commotion occurred.

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer it though.

He finds that he has no valid explanation, or at least it’d be too hard to lie. He has never been good at that anyway, or at keeping his emotions out cold.

So he only closes his eyes, rubs them under the glasses and ignores the next call too.

It doesn’t feel good.

It doesn’t feel good that more than some weeks have passed now, and Kyungsoo still hasn’t replied. He hasn’t done anything, and splays his icon as fake offline on Skype even if he has seen that Jongin has written _ ‘Kyungsoo -’ _

_ ‘Please answer me’. _

He has gone to his lessons like he’s ought to and studied, because the real frames of the world don’t stop for a heartbreak or anything reminding of it. 

He doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it, not even Baekhyun when the latter haunts him down and pokes at his cheek for looking so glum. 

Not even when Minseok cups his kneecap and tries to coax him into speaking, or when Yixing buys him some cake when they visit the café and all Kyungsoo does is to bury his head in the assignments and go at it.

It sucks that his own insecurities has to bury others in the mud as well even if he doesn’t mean to, and the most secure solution has always been to hide away or push the thoughts to the deeper end where he can’t look at them or can pretend they don’t exist.

He feels like a living zombie. His thoughts are never clear, his feelings are off far worse and he can’t get them right.

Getting help from the anonymous internet doesn’t mow out a result either.

**D.O:** yifan my chest is hurting

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** u see ksoo ur finally reaching the age where u becme a fine young woman n shit starts happening w/ ur bod n suddenly there's blood everywher

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** imagine havign anime tiddies

**D.O:** i hate u and ur yaoi hands

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** these hands were made 4 boobies excse u

**D.O:** the only tiddies u’ll ever get to touch were the ones from when ur mom breastfed u, u gremlin

**$wagger_dragon_fanfan:** sookyung are we gona fill another divorce paper is this wat it is

And Junmyeon is no better.

**D.O:** junma i fucked up

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Yes you did

**D.O:** gdi

**D.O:** you don’t even know what im talking abt

**D.O:** what’s with the new username btw

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** I chose a new lifestyle after we divorced

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Buy happiness

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** It’s not free apparently

**D.O:** are you ok

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** i’VE NEVER BEEN BETR

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** BETTER*

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** DON’T I LOOK FINE TO YOU

**D.O:** ( •_•)

Kyungsoo notices that Jongin hasn’t been too active either, not on instagram or YouTube or Tumblr, save for a few mundane updates and a dance video that he has promised to show.

Jongin has altogether stopped calling him too.

Stopped a long time ago.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to approach Jongin, and it only grows worse with time as the boulder in his stomach becomes heavier and he can’t bear to even look at Jongin’s channel, and it’s stupid - so strange how they went from the top to the bottom in mere seconds, and it’s all because of Kyungsoo.

He wonders if there will come too many bumps on the road for it to be mended. It’s just an internet friendship after all, and those can either be stable, but they can also be too fragile in the end.

He doesn’t want to know what rumors might’ve surfaced after the stunt he pulled at the fan event.

But the lack of honesty is what suffocates him - that Jongin probably doesn’t know why.

Kyungsoo has to be honest, somehow, and he only knows how to be that in one way. 

His cheeks are still a little red from the cold, but he doesn’t slow down when he shrugs off his jacket and waddles into his room with his bag. It’s soon Christmas Eve too, and vacation is just around the corner.

Baekhyun had been surprised when Kyungsoo suddenly called him late in the evening and said he’d come over, and now Kyungsoo is back, unzipping the bag as he catches his breath. 

He fishes out the same gadget from a time ago, a cam and mic that he splays out on his bed as he fetches his guitar.

It takes some time to arrange this, putting up the camera on its tripod in front of the furniture.

Kyungsoo doesn’t care about the different eyes this time. He doesn’t, even if his hair is rumpled, his skin a little too pale and he has round glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

Even if he hasn’t perfected this song to the last bit, but knows it because he has been singing it lately when he’s been alone, another song from his favorite artist.

One he connects with in this regard, as he sits back on his bed, back against the wall with a Prince of Tennis poster above.

His chest stills once he has caught his breath.

The camera blinks for a few seconds, three times, before it starts recording.

Kyungsoo holds the guitar closer, and he looks into the red dot.

‘’Hey, this is D.O….,’’ he starts out, fingertips nervously playing with the strings.

‘’I’m… uh. I’m sorry for the inactivity lately. I’ve been…. busy.’’

He clears his throat.

‘’So, um. Here’s a song for you guys… or for… for someone special, I guess. I don’t know if it,’’ there’s a pause. ‘’If it makes sense.’’

‘’But okay,’’ he adjusts his seat, and he’s not sure if he would take this clip again, or if he would need to redo this. He just needs to publish it. 

‘’Here I go...’’ 

A thick silence fills the room. After a while, his fingers drag over the strings, just a quiet play at first that becomes steadier. 

It has a light tinge, a sad one too, but is overall a mellow and genuine one.

‘’The song is… Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran, though I’ve loosely, quickly adjusted it a bit. Sorry if - if it’s bad, or something...’’

He looks down, then up, mouth opening again.

He starts.

_ ’You look so wonderful in your suit - ‘ _

_ ‘I love your hair like that.’ _

_ ‘The way it sticks up the side of your face’ _ \- there’s a smile, a skewed one, just for a moment.

_ ‘Down your neck and back.’ _

He takes a deep breath, brows furrowing.

_ ‘We’re surrounded by all of these lies’ _

_ ‘And people who talk too much.’ _

_ ‘You got the kind of look in your eyes,’ _

_ ‘As if no one knows anything about us.’ _

He can feel that his voice almost cracks, but he holds it back and lets the guitar play go on for a little longer.

_ ‘Should this be the last thing I see’ _

_ ‘I want you to know it’s enough for me’ _

He looks up - 

_ ‘Cause all that you are is all that I’ll ever need.’ _

Then down again, fingers working with a less fast paced rhythm, shoulders refraining from tensing.

_ ‘I’m so in love’ _

_ ‘So in love.. so in love, so in love.’ _

_ - _

_ ‘You look so beautiful in this light’ _

_ ‘Your silhouette over me - ‘ _

_ ‘The way it brings out the brown in your eyes...’ _

_ ‘Equals all your warmth and honesty.’ _

He adjusts his seat again, face concentrated.

_ ‘And all of the voices surrounding us here...’ _

_ ‘They just fade out when you take a breath.’ _

_ ‘Just say the word and I will disappear’ _

_ ‘Into the wilderness.’ _

The song goes on with some smaller pauses between, but Kyungsoo almost forgets that the camera is there.

_ ‘I’m so in love, so in love...’ _

_ ‘Lumiere, darling -’ _

_ ‘Lumiere over me.’ _

-

_ ‘You look so wonderful in your suit.’  _

He’s at the endgame.

_ ‘I love your hair like that...’ _

_ ‘And in the moment -’ _

_ ‘I knew you, Jo-..’ _

His voice stops when he remembers, but his fingers play out the last bit. 

And then he’s done, swallowing thickly while he stares down at his feet. 

He gathers himself and goes over to stop the recording, fidgeting with the gadget for a while.

He doesn’t rewatch it, but only does the same edits from before regarding audio and light.

He posts a picture of the wall on his instagram with the same words as before - announcing that a quick cover will be up soon.

It will take some time before the video is up on YouTube, most likely.

Kyungsoo doesn’t wait for it to appear, and slumps back on his bed, guitar still in his embrace while he plays the chorus over and over again.

‘’You know, for saying you’re a sack of potato when it comes to love, you’re at least ten times more romantic than Luhan,’’ Minseok murmurs with a playful undertone, even if the look in his eyes is soft.

It’s first now that Kyungsoo has opened his mouth and told Yixing and Minseok what is going on, here on a dull monday, two days after the release. He can’t help but to let it out, with how he’s starting to feel nervous all over and maybe it wasn’t such a good idea anyway.

They noticed anyway with the new cover video popping up, one that has gone semi-viral again, and it seems that the heartfelt way Kyungsoo clawed through the song with minor mistakes has melted some hearts.

‘’No, even better - you know that they write fanfictions about you and Kai, right?’’ Yixing says instead, face half hidden behind his latte as he gives Kyungsoo an inquiring look.

Kyungsoo is tired. Nervous too, but he perks up anyway, scrunching his nose. ‘’Fanfictions? I would’ve noticed.’’

‘’Because you check them regularly, or?’’ Minseok elaborates, and Kyungsoo’s cheeks become hotter than the sun. ‘’No- no… No I used…. I saw some, once,’’ he mutters, voice doing a dumb crack while he looks the other way, and Minseok giggles.

Yixing breaks in - ‘’anyway, have you contacted Jongin then? I can understand why you’ve felt down if you fled from your date without telling him why.’’

‘’It wasn’t a date!’’ Kyungsoo barks, eyes wide. ‘’And no- no I haven’t, because- like- um… because I told him what I felt through the song, right… so… maybe he’d understand, or....’’

Minseok looks like he wants to start a fire.

‘’Moron,’’ he murmurs under his breath and rolls his eyes, but there’s no menace in it and instead he pokes Kyungsoo’s forehead and ruffles his hair. ‘’I think it’d be a good idea if you contacted him  _ now  _ then, even if it’s been weeks. It’s worse to leave him hanging like that. Waiting for a miracle might only result that you end up losing contact altogether,’’ he says, ‘’and in the worst way possible, too.’’

‘’Be honest about your feelings.’’ He tilts his head. ‘’And stop looking down on yourself or seeing yourself as a lesser being,’’ he pokes Kyungsoo’s hand, ‘’because you aren’t, and there’s a lot of people who are here for you exactly  _ because _ we love you,’’ he looks at Yixing, ‘’right?’’

‘’Exactly!’’ Yixing chirps.

‘’You guys...’’ Kyungsoo’s eyes become a little glazed.

‘’This is like in anime, you know? Friendship speeches and all,’’ he then says, face lighting up.

Minseok groans.

Kyungsoo is on his knees.

‘’Begging please,’’ he sobs through a grimace, half-singing and half wailing while he scrubs the floor with a rough haired brush. The motions are loud in his ears, a constant noise.

His mom is out of town, and being soon twenty (while still living at home) means he’ll get more responsibilities, and since he doesn’t pay much for staying, he’s ordered to scrub and clean the floor in the kitchen tonight, right after he’s had a rough day in class and all he wants is to flump down on his bed before having to study some more.

There’s still no affordable apartments in the town close to his college, so he’ll have to wait some more though he’s got his eyes on one.

Since his bangs have gotten longer, he has pushed and pinned them back with some bobby pins, eyes squinted because his glasses are almost slipping off and he doesn’t get to see properly. 

To top the rest, he wears a pair of long yellow rubber gloves - has a frilly pink apron bound around his waist since he has had to clean the toilets too, and on his feet his old, worn penguin slippers are sagging.

This is the adult life, really.

And he’s frustrated, because he tried to write something to Jongin on Skype, but ended up backing out again for the fourth time today or so, and no progress has occurred. The self-loathing only intensifies with time.

Instead, he has opened a pack of strawberry pockys and goes up to wolf-style nip one out of the package on the kitchen counter, gloves and hands wet. He then slips onto his knees again and murmurs profanities equivalent to a hundred horror movies, scrubbing extra hard because he’s  _ so angry with himself and- _

A shrill tone resounds in the room, making Kyungsoo nearly inhale the pocky in one go while he coughs, and Jabba in the other end doesn’t jump up from her basket, too lazy to check who might ring the doorbell now.

Kyungsoo frowns. His mother isn’t ought to be home until late evening.

He wobbles up on his feet and looks around, barely noticing how his phone on the counter is lighting up with some tumblr notifications, and four missed calls.

The doorbell  _ keeps _ ringing, and Kyungsoo groans as he waddles into the hall, yelling a boisterous:  **_‘’I’m coming!’’,_ ** nearly losing his footing in the process.

The gloves are still on, but he drags one off with the flats of his teeth, holding it in his other hand afterwards, still wearing the same attire and an added scowl on his face.

He unlocks the door and opens it -  _ ‘’yes what do you-’’ _

He stops amidst it though, eyebrows furrowing and a confused expression emerging on his face.

There’s a tall man standing there, wearing a big open coat, a striped shirt and black jeans, boots rubbing into the stonestep beneath. 

However, he’s also wearing a cap and big sunglasses  _ during winter _ , along with a black face pollution mask.

Kyungsoo blinks his eyes. ‘’Hello?’’ he says, voice hesitant and hand still on the door.

The young man doesn’t say anything for a while, standing there as if he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but suddenly jolts.

‘’Um- uh,’’ his voice is muffled, and he takes off the glasses and draws down in the mask so that it hangs around his chin instead.

Blonde hair comes in view as well when Jongin removes the cap and cards some fingers through the wild locks, his face appearing, looking nervous but also something else. 

‘’Hi,’’ he says. 

Kyungsoo stands there for a second, mouth half-agape. He  _ stares _ .

Then he slams the door shut, the house deadly silent in the aftermath of the action.

And  _ then  _ the realization catches up on him when he starts whispering  _ ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit’, _ holding a hand over his heart as he has dropped the glove on the ground, and he looks around and turns around himself in panic because he  _ just slammed the door in Jongin’s face _ .

A knock sounds on the door, two and then a third.

_ ‘’Kyungsoo?’’  _ can be heard from the other side. 

_ ‘’Kyungsoo, uh- are you there? _

Jongin’s voice is soft but deep. 

_ ‘’Would you let me… would you let me in? _

There’s a minute of silence.

Rustling ensues when Kyungsoo opens the door, only his eyes peering in view, a small part of his face since a crack of the door is open. 

‘’Jongin?’’ Kyungsoo whispers, glasses almost pressing against the wood of the door, cold wind blowing in so he shudders.

Jongin stands there, cap, mask and sunglasses in one hand, closer than before.

Kyungsoo jolts when the taller tilts down and aligns his face against the open crack too, mere centimeters from Kyungsoo’s face and hands on the frames of the door on the outside.

‘’Hey,’’ he says, breath puffing out in a cloud. ‘’Did I scare you?’’

Kyungsoo is still hiding behind the door, his grip on the handle tightening. ‘’Um,’’ he says, and his temples are throbbing again, but for a different reason. He tries to calm down. 

‘’How do you.. how do you know where I live?’’ he asks, voice small. For a moment he looks down himself and wants to whimper in defeat at the attire.

Jongin’s face is even more handsome up close, skin a contrast to the cold colors outside, and his hair is vibrant. His eyes are warm and a little confused, worried too, but the sudden, shy smile on his lips is what stands out the most.

‘’Um,’’ he starts, and now his forehead is resting against the crack, so that if Kyungsoo opens the door he’d fall in, faces even closer.

‘’You know, uh. You jokingly told me… your address…. the first time we chatted, right?’’

Kyungsoo gapes. **‘’You wrote it down?’’**

Jongin’s eyes shut themselves tightly for a second, gulping. ‘’Oh, ah--- no I mean- I mean I remembered… that you told me, and so I… looked through our old chats and found it, is what I mean.’’

‘’Oh,’’ is all the other has to say, struck dumbfounded.

They stand there for a while, staring at each other through the small crack, a car passing by in the background in the quiet neighborhood.

‘’Do you…,’’ Kyungsoo clears his throat. 

‘’Do you want to come in?’’ 

Jongin lets out a sudden laugh and quickly nods, ‘’um- that’d be nice, yeah.’’ He takes a step back and watches as the door opens.

Kyungsoo goes along with the door until his back is facing the wall, door wide open for Jongin to come in.

Jongin rubs his hands to get the warmth back in his fingers, and it’s already starting to become dark outside.

He’s taller in person, a half head taller than Kyungsoo or a bit more, and he shuffles out of his boots and places them neatly against the other wall, back turned to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo closes the door then, and Jongin turns around.

They stand there.

Staring.

‘’Um,’’ Kyungsoo is still wearing the glove. He bends down to pick up the other that rested on the ground, fidgeting with it - the tip of his penguin slippers touching when his feet turn in. ‘’I was just…’’

‘’Cleaning?’’ Jongin elaborates, briefly pointing at the gloves and at Kyungsoo’s apron.

He’s really beautiful, Kyungsoo thinks. But also warm-looking, and his voice is even more lovely in person.

He looks so warm and honest, open for approach just for Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo swallows thickly and nods. ‘’Yeah, yeah since… my mother’s out...’’

‘’Ah.’’

They stand before each other in the hallway.

Just staring, eye contact lasting. 

Jongin’s mouth open and closes a few couple of times.

‘’Kyungsoo,’’ he says, and takes a step closer, one hand briefly lifting, as if to reach out. ‘’What happened?’’

Kyungsoo stiffens at this, fingers picking at one rubber glove.

‘’I…,’’ he looks down at his feet. Shrugging. 

‘’I don’t know.’’ 

He sighs. ‘’I guess… I just felt small. I don’t know. I let my insecurities overcome me and I was… I was just scared.’’

There’s more to it.

Somehow, when he looks up, it seems like Jongin already knows. 

And Kyungsoo should’ve known that Jongin isn’t stupid, that he prefers honesty, and Kyungsoo hasn’t been earnest until lately.

Yet there’s also insecurities surfacing from Jongin’s side, and Jongin asks anyway. 

‘’Scared of what?’’ his hand does grab Kyungsoo’s arm now, not hard - gently, giving it a small squeeze despite his fingers being cold.

‘’Um,’’ Kyungsoo struggles with this, and it’s all so strange.

This isn’t fiction.

How Jongin stands before him, his hand going down from Kyungsoo’s arm to grab his hand, giving that a firm grasp too. 

‘’Uh,’’ Kyungsoo murmurs, because Jongin is much closer than before, and the look in his eyes is soft and warm, a hue of pink streaking across his cheeks.

Jongin rubs their thumbs together, entwining their hands. Warmth spreads in Kyungsoo’s arms.

‘’Yeah?’’ the younger prompts, and maybe Kyungsoo comes to know that he shouldn’t have been scared in the first place.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ he says instead, voice sincere, a little garbled in the end, and he sniffs when he feels that his eyes begin to sting. ‘’For running out on you and ignoring you for weeks, and not… telling you why.’’

Jongin doesn’t say it’s okay, but he says ‘’I accept your apology,’’ with a gentle murmur, and he has leaned down so that their foreheads are touching, craning in his neck.

‘’Just don’t,’’ their faces are close, nose tips almost poking into the side of each other’s faces and the top of Kyungsoo’s glasses are bumping into Jongin’s eyebrows, ‘’Just don’t do it again, okay?’’

‘’Okay,’’ Kyungsoo replies, and there’s warmth tracing down his cheeks, jumping off by the cliff of his chin. 

He lets out a soft sob when Jongin cups his cheek with his other hand, a calloused thumb rubbing circles there, their faces close. 

Jongin swipes the tears away, and Kyungsoo’s nose is running too, but the taller doesn’t seem to bother it as he leans in and presses his lips against Kyungsoo’s in a soft press. 

It doesn’t last long, and Kyungsoo murmurs that Jongin must’ve gotten tears and snot on his face now, but Jongin says it doesn’t matter and drags the elder closer, embracing him in a hug. 

‘’I was really worried,’’ he whispers against Kyungsoo’s temple, and Kyungsoo sobs again, pressing his face into the crook of Jongin’s throat though his glasses makes the skin around his eyes itch in the process.

There’s a lot Kyungsoo doesn’t understand, a lot he can’t comprehend yet, but he lets Jongin wipe the tears away after they’ve hugged for some minutes, even if Kyungsoo feels like a mess.

He waddles into the kitchen to blow his nose and dry his eyes as Jabba bonks into one of Jongin’s shins minutes later to inspect the newcomer.

Kyungsoo turns around to see that Jongin has almost draped himself on the floor while he pets Jabba, and the chubby pug looks like she’s been sent to heaven with the backrubs she gets that Kyungsoo is too lazy to give her.

The elder stands there for while, sniffing quietly while he watches as Jongin doesn’t mind that Jabba slobbers all over his cheek or grunts when her tiny tail wags and is ecstatic for the attention.

That’s when Kyungsoo realizes what just happened, and his other glove slips off, the paper in his hand hitting the ground.

_ Jongin kissed him. _

And he stiffens there, staring down at the ground while warmth tints his cheeks and he feels himself grow hot everywhere. He’s merely two seconds away from squealing into his hands.

He keeps his cool though.

Or so he likes to think, but apparently he’s grimacing enough that when Jongin looks up from the ground, he stops and gets up, dusts himself off and asks ‘’Hey, you okay, Soo?’’

Kyungsoo jolts, holding a fist in the apron - ‘’yes, yeah, yeah- haha, why-’’ he shifts stance on his slippers, ‘’why wouldn’t I be?’’ 

Jongin’s gaze flicks up and down for a second, and there’s a look of disbelief too. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes are still a bit red but he’s not crying anymore, but dries his eyes with the back of his hands again. 

‘’I’m just…’’ he grins, shortly.

‘’I guess I’m just happy that you’re here,’’ he murmurs after a while, baring a small smile in honesty, letting out an awkward sigh. ‘’I missed you.’’

He looks up again. 

Jongin stands there, fingers fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, and his face looks blank for a second.

Then he takes a step back. 

One forward.

One back again and he runs a hand over the lower part of his face and looks to the side, almost as if he’s coughing into his hand, but he’s quiet and there’s a sizzling sound instead. 

He ends up pushing some blonde bangs aside, a wide, close-mouthed smile on his face though he shifts between looking down and up as if he doesn’t want to reveal it. 

‘’Hyung…,’’ he murmurs, and Kyungsoo nearly stubs his toe on the nearby kitchen counter when Jongin is in front of him again, one of his hands on the counter while his other is on hovering over Kyungsoo’s bicep.

‘’Can I kiss you again?’’ his gaze is almost a bit  _ too intense _ with how he’s staring Kyungsoo down, eyes flickering from Kyungsoo’s eyes and down to his lips repeatedly, closing in.

‘’Kiss me?’’ Kyungsoo’s voice may or may not die out in a dramatic whisper, but he doesn’t back away. 

‘’Yeah,’’ Jongin sounds breathless, nodding, his adam’s apple moving when he gulps.

‘’Um. Okay. I mean… okay. You can. I mean,’’ one of the elder’s hands grab at Jongin’s shirt, tugging lightly. ‘’Please um… please do...’’

He’s not really sure what it is he’s doing. 

He’s not sure what’s happening.

He doesn’t know how to kiss.

He’s not sure if Jongin knows either.

With his heart pounding, he shuts his eyes tightly and almost flinches at the slightest noise, and he hears Jongin laugh, though it’s shy.

‘’You don’t have to look so scared…,’’ he murmurs. 

Kyungsoo tugs at the shirt again, one eye open, ‘’I’m not! I’m not scared, I’m just, um, Just do it already’’ - 

But Jongin doesn’t let him finish, and chooses to lean in, aligning their lips rather quickly, resulting that Kyungsoo lets out a silent squawk, his other hand grasping at the shirt too - and they nearly fall over in the process.

Jongin frames Kyungsoo’s form though with his hands on the biceps, holding him there.

It’s different from before, because this time Jongin angles his head differently, and there’s a different pressure.

It’s longer but still chaste, even if there’s a trace of breaths mingling when they part, only for Jongin to close the distance again seconds later when Kyungsoo has opened his eyes again.

Kyungsoo leans into the second kiss, and it’s strange - he’s not sure what to do, but Jongin’s lips are soft, and Jongin makes such a light noise there, a soft sigh that the elder finds himself drawn to even if his hands fumble in uncertainty.. 

Jongin’s arm snakes around Kyungsoo’s waist and Kyungsoo mirrors the action. The position is a little awkward, but the elder is not sure if he can mind it with how his heart is thundering in his chest and the next inhale of air is deeper than the others. It’s intimate and close, a warmth spreading from one body to another.

His eyes fly open though when something wet traces his lower lip, just shortly, and a blaze surges down his knees and makes him gasp and shudder audibly. 

He doesn’t realize that they’ve moved, that Jongin has backed Kyungsoo against the opposite desk, and Kyungsoo might as well melt when Jongin coaxes his mouth open and slips a tongue in, just to briefly graze there, warm air fanning in along with it and their fronts pressing together.

The actions abruptly stop though as a gasp fills the air from the opening of the hall, and a wet sound emerges when their lips detach and they both look to the left.

**‘’Holy shit,’’** Baekhyun’s jaw looks like it’s ready to hit the floor, and in the background Chanyeol looks like he has seen a ghost.

Kyungsoo gawks - emitting something akin to a pterodactyl screech, and Jongin’s face becomes as red as a tomato in mere seconds, the taller backing away to the opposite corner of the kitchen, drawing down in his shirt to cover a bit of his crotch. 

They must’ve been too caught up in the act to notice the door opening or someone knocking there, but Baekhyun and Chanyeol have never cared for ringing the doorbell anyway.

‘’You know uh,’’ Chanyeol takes a hold of Baekhyun’s wrist - ‘’maybe we’d just, uh, yanno, come back later to get that cam and mic and all, yeah? Sounds good, yeah?’’ he blabbers, but Baekhyun slaps his hand away and points at Kyungsoo once more, this time with a vicious gleam in his eye. 

**_‘’You got the golden boy!’’_ ** he says, voice booming. 

Kyungsoo and Jongin share a brief moment of panic-stricken eye contact.


	6. STAGE ONE

Hammering his fists on the door is useless.

Of all places, Kyungsoo has been locked into his own bathroom in his room where Chanyeol has hauled him inside some minutes ago; one of the few times where the taller has dared to put an intruding finger on Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun made sure to lock the door before they darted off while laughing.

It’s not so easy for Kyungsoo to fight while wearing an apron, penguin slippers and hair that falls into his eyes, considering that the bobby pins slid out in the wild attempt of fighting his very own friends.

It wasn’t a pretty sight either - Jongin standing in the corner of the kitchen with a gaping mouth while Kyungsoo got red in the face from shrieking as he was dragged away like in a horror movie by an unctuous duo, and Jabba, who really isn’t cut out to be a guard dog, fled behind one of the couches.

Now, Kyungsoo bonks his head against the bathroom door and sighs, and he can only distract himself by pinning his bangs up again, a few bobby pins inched between his lips while he grumbles. 

He can’t even hear them talk, but he knows what they’re doing.

They’ve talked about it before - interrogating Jongin, making sure he’s a great guy before he gets the ‘grand prize’, which, of course, is Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo isn’t even sure if Baekhyun and Chanyeol act protective for Kyungsoo’s sake or simply for quenching their own boredom, but either way Kyungsoo still ends up here, huffing and then crossing his arms once he’s done readjusting his bangs.

He starts walking in circles, stopping the moment he hears Chanyeol gasp for air from laughing somewhere in the living room - apparently loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear it from the bathroom.

Baekhyun’s grinning follows suit, and then there’s a loud shriek that doesn’t belong to either one of them; meaning it’s Jongin.

Kyungsoo rustles the door knob again, not even caring that he might break the poor material, nose and glasses almost pressed against the door, yelling: ‘’Baekhyun! Chan **-ye-** **_ol!_ ** I swear  **_to god_ ** \-- if you do anything inappropriate I’m personally going to arrange your funerals, okay?’’

He groans aloud and ruffles his hair, knuckles whitening from the grasp,  **_‘’you hear me?’’_ ** he tries again, but only hears a muffled  _ ‘’no- no- please-  _ **_no!_ ** _ ’ _ ’, once again coming from Jongin, and Kyungsoo might as well start biting his nails, because up next is another row of obnoxious laughter and a loud  _ ‘’try anything funny with our boy and you’re gonna get it, ‘kay?’’ _

It takes minutes.

At last, as he sits on the floor with his back against the door, he hears Baekhyun come forth and knock on the door - speaking from the other side but still not unlocking it: ‘’we’re done here. Jongin’s good to go, by the way.’’

Chanyeol has followed along, chirping a ‘’handsome young man, isn’t he?’’ like he has inherited a parental role, and Baekhyun brusquely replies ‘’oh, very. Even better when he pledges to treat Soo with utmost love,’’ there’s a snicker too, and probably the smack of a high-five. 

‘’You guys are  **done for** when I’m out,’’ Kyungsoo thumps the back of his head against the door, and he’s worried for Jongin and the scars this will leave.

However, he also knows that if their social circles are supposed to intertwine onward, Jongin would have to face the duo anyhow, and it won’t be pretty.

But that would be to assume that they have a future together within not so platonic means if it goes further than just friendly things.

With the way Chanyeol is imitating the ringing of church bells and Baekhyun quotes  _ ‘I now declare you husband and nerd’,  _ along with the fresh reminder of what happened before Kyungsoo’s friends barged in; Kyungsoo can clearly feel his heart gallop within his chest.

He raises himself and wrenches the knob again, face gaining color for another reason while he huffs and starts spouting profanities and vehement promises.

What he receives though is a smarmy ‘’we’ll let prince charming come and get you, right? We’re gonna fetch the camera and mic back by the way’’, a ‘’totally,’’ and then there’s a  _ ‘too-da-loo’ _ followed by the slam of the front door to the house shutting half a minute later.

Kyungsoo lets out one last groan. 

He’s about to call out for Jongin, but the light noise of feet pitter-pattering over the hallway floor and into his room stops him, and Jabba is there too, but she doesn’t enter and only skitters past the door.

Kyungsoo hears a soft curse when the person bumps into something on the way, most likely the ninja table next to the door that sometimes likes to haunt people and smash toes.

‘’Jongin?’’ he says, suddenly hesitant.

‘’You okay?’’ he adds, and lets go of the knob, watching as it rustles a bit. 

When there’s no reply, he asks again - ‘’Jongin?’’

‘’Yeah-’’ it’s muffled, a little strained, ‘’just gimme a sec, ok,’’ and a thunk comes from the other side plus some more huffing and an awkward groan that makes Kyungsoo’s brows arch and his head tilt while he smoothes a hand over the door, waiting.

The lock clicks in place seconds later, and then the door opens slowly, creaking until Jongin’s face comes in view. 

The latter is crouching, not using his hands but has the key in his mouth, must’ve turned it with his teeth and awkward angles.

He mushes his forehead against the door and opens it that way, and then stands tall, breathing out with a mild fluster on his cheeks, pink due to strain.

His hair is a little rumpled, and otherwise there’s a sheepish but wobbly smile on his lips, embarrassed mostly. 

‘’Sorry, I-,’’ he turns to the side to show his wrists that have been tied with a belt from Kyungsoo’s closet, ‘’I’m a little wrapped up.’’

Kyungsoo gapes for a second, and then surges forward and immediately circles around Jongin to grab the belt, fidgeting with it.

‘’Shit, I’m so sorry, didn’t know-’’ he mumbles, but Jongin dismisses it with an easy laugh and a croak that should resemble a sigh. ‘’It’s fine-’’ he says - 

‘’It’s fine, don’t worry. They mostly just pranked me and asked me about where I live or if I’ve ever slept naked.’’

Kyungsoo grumbles under his breath, ‘’yeah, but they can be a little harsh sometimes, not even in the vile way but just enough to make you want to crawl into a rabbit hole of shame,’’ he loosens the belt.

Jongin rubs his wrists alternately, and even if he can’t help but to smile widely and humbly due to embarrassment, he doesn’t shy away from Kyungsoo’s glance. 

‘’It’ll take more than that to scare me away,’’ he assures, and it should present itself as a joke, but there’s an undertone - one that tinges the atmosphere again. 

They stand like they did before they were interrupted, even if Kyungsoo is still wearing his apron, hair slicked back and glasses slinking down the bridge of his nose. 

No limbs touch, yet they stand close, right in front of each other, the smile from before only a bit crooked now, ceasing into a concentrated overall expression.

Jongin leans in a bit so that their nose tips almost touch, and his breath fans over Kyungsoo’s lips, warm and present. 

It’s strange, Kyungsoo thinks.

He wouldn’t have thought it’d be like this.

He has had many ideas as for how their first meeting would go.

But never as skewed like this, with his own appear-and-vanish act, the avoidance, the meet-up, the kiss and Kyungsoo’s friends barging in on them.

And now this, with their eyes locked on each other in a special way he wouldn’t have imagined. 

Something he might only have sensed a bit of through their chats, something that was in the background through phone calls that became intimate with voices connecting, and now this.

Where it’s right here, between them, and Jongin hasn’t said anything yet - any of the things Kyungsoo has expected him to do.

Hasn’t condemned him, criticised him or anything else.

Instead, Jongin looks at Kyungsoo like his eyes simply can’t and won’t stray anywhere else. 

It should be awkward, with the minute that has gone by of them simply staring at each other, and Kyungsoo flinches when Jongin’s hand finds his, folding their palms together, rubbing a hand over Kyungsoo’s. 

They lean closer to each other, this time it being Kyungsoo who feels courageous - 

But just as he’s about to shut the last centimeter, his gaze flicks down, and he sees something out of place.

‘’Jongin,’’ he murmurs, and Jongin, whose eyes had been closed, now open - ‘’yeah?’’

‘’Did you pee your pants?’’ Kyungsoo asks, voice quiet, not judgemental but entirely curious and perhaps a bit outwitted.

They look into each other’s eyes again, and Jongin gulps, the corner of his mouth doing a tick.

‘’No,’’ he whispers. ‘’They shoved a bunch of ice cubes from the freezer down my underwear to make me talk.’’ 

He shudders, throat strained for a second. ‘’And now I can’t feel my dick.’’

‘’I think It’s dead.’’

Kyungsoo can’t help but to laugh, right against Jongin’s mouth, and he lowers his head to press his forehead against Jongin’s shoulder.

‘’We should hold a funeral,’’ he mutters, not sure why - just to talk. It’s all strange, this atmosphere, this meeting. 

The way it feels like Kyungsoo can’t think straight or comprehend the situation because it seems too good to be true, despite insecurities, awkwardness and flaws between them.

The both of them notice the close proximity though. 

It’s not like Jongin seems to be one to veer from it, but he gives it some space and adjusts his pants, kindly declining when Kyungsoo offers him some pants to wear that’ll most likely be some sizes too small.

‘’So,’’ Jongin says after a moment of silence. 

‘’This is your room?’’ he looks around, and notices the posters as the first thing - and  _ oh, _ Kyungsoo forgot to remove the one with Prince of Tennis.

‘’Um,’’ Kyungsoo looks around too, as if he has forgotten what it looks like, although he’s moss rotting in here during the weekends.

It’s nothing special. 

The walls are white and some sides have anime posters on them, and Kyungsoo is unfortunately not rich enough to waste a bunch of money on mini figures-- but he totally  _ wouldn’t _ spend money on any if he had cash anyway.

He makes a mental note to erase his browser history and all the ebay pages he has visited to find one of Ryoma.

‘’Prince of Tennis, right?’’ Jongin points at the first poster.

Kyungsoo shrugs. ‘’Ah. Don’t know. I mean… maybe. I mean not that I would know. Because…,’’ the explanation limps off, and Jongin looks far too amused.

‘’You weren’t kidding,’’ he murmurs to himself, somewhat low and fond - knowing too.

‘’What?’’ Kyungsoo comes closer, standing next to Jongin.

‘’I mean… on your instagram you pretty much introduce yourself saying you’re in denial about everything. You weren’t kidding,’’ Jongin replies.

Kyungsoo is about to say something, but Jongin, as if it’s natural to him, leans closer and rubs a palm down Kyungsoo’s back in a comforting manner. 

‘’Sorry--,’’ he clears his throat and he grimaces at himself, ‘’people usually don’t point out other people’s sketchy sides. I wasn’t thinking. I mean, it’s not like I know better. It’s not to criticize you…,’’ Jongin inhales deeply; ‘’what I’m saying is that it’s a flaw but it’s cute so….’’

Kyungsoo stares for a moment. 

This is strange too. 

That it’s not strained, and he doesn’t feel hurt even if he knows that he tends to feel insecure or doesn’t say much- or comes off as blank when he replies because he’s too cautious. 

Jongin doesn’t say these things to make Kyungsoo feel bad.

Because there’s nothing in the words, other than stating what he’s seeing, and it’s with eyes that know that it’s a flaw but sees it without condemnation; and with curiosity instead.

‘’No, I mean… you’re right,’’ Kyungsoo shrugs ‘’It’s a bad habit I can’t run away from that easily.’’ 

‘’I got lots of those too,’’ Jongin looks at the poster. ‘’You might even know some of them now, or you’ll see them later on.’’

Kyungsoo disregards the poster, and the hand on his back feels so nice that it doesn’t come off odd but just comforting. ‘’What kind?’’

The other looks away shyly, his eyes crinkling a bit and the hand on Kyungsoo’s back amplifying its pressure just shortly.

‘’I guess… pride is one?’’ Jongin offers. 

‘’I’m a humble person, if I’d have to say so myself. But sometimes when I’m wrong in an argument or if I’ve been hurt and feel humiliated, I can have a hard time giving in. I can be direct but sometimes I’ll just give what my friends have named as  _ ‘the cold shoulder’  _ you know?’’

He bites the inside of one cheek. ‘’You’ve seen that already, I guess.’’

Kyungsoo thinks back on when Jongin had barged in on Kyungsoo and Chanyeol having  _ ‘sex’  _ through a phone call, even if it was just one of Chanyeol’s schemes.

Kyungsoo looks at the poster as well. ‘’Probably,’’ he murmurs. ‘’But I don’t see all of the flaws right now since I’m still in stage one, bordering the second,’’ he pauses, and gets a little warm in his cheeks when he can see from the corner of his eyes how Jongin snaps his head Kyungsoo’s way. ‘’Or something. Or maybe I already see them and acknowledge them; already in the second stage, or in the third, or...’’

‘’Stage?’’ Jongin questions, perplexed.

Kyungsoo laughs airily; embarrassed. ‘’No, I mean, like… I think I’m in love, and having a crush isn’t the same as loving someone. It means you oversee flaws and feel attraction and can be blinded by it. You’ll basically be drunk on hormones for a while until you let go of the first stage, get into the next and see the person before you; what’s beneath the glaze.’’

He puckers his lips, voice timid, suddenly flailing a bit -  ‘’ah, you know, for who they really are and so on,’’ he doesn’t know how, but they end up sitting on the bed.

Maybe it’s the hand on his back that guides him there, and they sit thigh against thigh, turned to each other.

Kyungsoo continues, voice suddenly knowing, like has pondered about this for long. 

‘’But I guess love is different from person to person. And love is a wide subject that can be divided into different genres. Because many, um…,’’ he rubs his nape.

‘’I mean some people just don’t fall in love. They might instead fall in love platonically; with their child that they cherish, with friends, with living, with other things. Many people forget the different kinds of love that are around for the favour of romantic love that’s often exaggerated in the media to complete you and give you a reason to live and all, you know...’’

He shakes his head, ‘’sorry I’m blabbering,’’ - 

Jongin puts a hand on his thigh; ‘’no,’’ he says, ‘’I mean no- tell me. Whether it’s linked to what you originally meant. Just tell me,’’ he says, moving a bit closer, the palm on Kyungsoo’s thigh warm through the fabric. 

It’s already dark outside, and it’s getting late.

Kyungsoo barely realizes that he puts a hand on Jongin’s hand there, playing with the thumb, pulling in the index finger gently and feeling up a nail as he talks.

‘’I just… I mean, many people tend to define love too easily sometimes. Also when it comes to those who have romantical interests,’’ he bites his lower lip shortly.

‘’Because some people do fall in love romantically, but slowly - and only rarely. Some people fall in love too often and can’t find a place to stay. Some people fall in love in a pattern that’s considered the most common picture; they um, they… get a crush, fall in love, some time later fall out of love, or never manage to fall in love before they get a new crush,’’ he murmurs.

‘’The way we love is, I guess, often defined by how we are as a person; our past, our insights and how we think and learn; our own considered self-worth and what a romantic interest means to us, and what means most - the platonic or the romantic, or if it’s equal or if you don’t love romantically at all or can’t find anything platonic. Whether we love obsessively, if we love half-heartedly, if we love easily or if we don’t open up at all.’’

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin’s hand, fidgeting with it a bit. ‘’Sometimes, I wonder which category I lie in, and what love is to me. Especially since I haven’t… I haven’t had a boyfriend before or anything… and so on. And I self-loathe a lot. I don’t have any real experience either. People often say your first relationship is just something you have to go through and then get over,’’ he swallows thickly. 

‘’And we haven’t known each other for that long, and I just…,’’ he pinches Jongin’s thumb. ‘’I don’t want it to end - having this crush. Or of being in love, if it’s returned. I don’t really-’’ he sighs, ‘’I don’t want to be hurt, or… I don’t want to end up being the one hurting someone else.’’ 

‘’I don’t want to be called a delusional teenager falling in love for nothing. For something that’ll just be seen as a first timer's experience, because the important relationships will come later on.’’

‘’Does that sound harsh?’’ he looks up to see if there’s anything to trace in Jongin’s eyes. ‘’I mean- I don’t even know why I’m saying this right now- I mean I just- about myself and who I am and- and if anyone could see me that way, and what if I’d be a good boyfriend or a bad one-- I mean how do  _ I  _ love? And there’s stages, and right now I don’t know if I’m-’’ he’s cut off by Jongin whose hand tightens on Kyungsoo’s thigh, giving it a squeeze.

‘’Kyungsoo,’’ he says, and there’s a little curl at the corner of his mouth. ‘’Sometimes we can’t make the decisions that are decided by the subconscious mind…,’’ his other hand comes up, taking Kyungsoo’s closest hand over their laps, caressing his knuckles.

‘’We can change a lot of things through being aware of ourselves, but sometimes you’ll end up staring yourself blind on the flaws, the doubts and worries. You have to remember that you’re just a person. And you need at least two people or more to have a relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic. Meaning you’re not the only one carrying a responsibility depending on the circumstances and what relationship it is,’’ he says.

He gives Kyungsoo’s hand a pinch. ‘’You end up thinking that you have to carry all of it yourself, and that you’re the only one who can do wrong.’’ 

He smiles. ‘’But in love, as people tend to say, there are no fair rules. There’s not always a fair outcome either. And it’s good to be objective and think about it; specially in regards to what’s good for you and what’s good for your partner….,’’ the fingers glide up and Jongin holds Kyungsoo’s hand.

‘’But sometimes you just have to live, and deal with the consequences of doing so,’’ he says.

‘’Whether you live up to the norms or you stray from them. Whether the relationship ends as quick as it started or if it last. Whether you’ll get hurt or be the one hurting. Whether you gain favorable memories in the future, ones you learn from or ones you pack away. Whether you love obsessively or love lightly,’’ he tilts his head. 

‘’Whether you find out if you love this love, despise it, need to find a new one or simply can’t or don’t want to fall in love.’’

They end up like this again, faces close and shoulders pressed together, and the side of Jongin’s foot nudges against Kyungsoo’s penguin slipper. ‘’And I don’t… I mean I can’t think of the bad sides right now,’’ he murmurs.

There’s a smile growing on Jongin’s lips that might as well be too big for his face, ‘’because you just said that you’re potentially in love with me, and that’s good enough to me as the very first thing, no matter what it becomes in the future or if it becomes anything at all.’’

On the other side, Kyungsoo’s mouth falls open and his cheeks have gone scarlet; oblivious as for how honest he has been.

‘’No one says we have to hurry either, okay?’’ Jongin grins, the sea lion one; ‘’and I know this is fast and all…, but this is a first timer for me as well, so… yeah,’’ his adam’s apple bobs.

Kyungsoo stares, and he has to adjust his glasses with his free hand; ‘’I’m supposed to be the grownup of us,’’ he murmurs, fingers shaking a bit and he’s high on adrenaline again, just like he had been back in the kitchen and when Jongin had peeked in at first.

Something is bubbling in his tummy, trying to tear its way out - and it’s either one of the most painful or delightful feelings he has ever experienced.

‘’But, so--’’ he lets out a light sound and covers his face a bit, ‘’so we’re dating? Even if… if it’s too fast and even if it might be over before it even starts, or even if-’’ he’s cut off by a mouth on his own, his glasses pressing against the bridge of his nose, Jongin who barely has angled himself right; a chaste but hard kiss.

Kyungsoo makes a surprised noise into the action, and when Jongin draws back, the elder is speechless.

‘’Does that answer your question?’’ Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo nods, head lowered a bit, lips pressing together in timidity.

‘’Good,’’ Jongin looks pleased, though his eyebrows furrow again, a little embarrassed; ‘’Um, did you hurt your nose too?’’ he rubs the tip of his nose and grimaces.

Kyungsoo nods again, although the smile is more prominent this time and the tip of his nose is a bit red as well from the force, glasses askew so he fixes them.

‘’Okay, I’ll do it better this time?’’ Jongin wets his lower lip, and Kyungsoo’s shoulders hunch a bit since he ends up following the act where Jongin surely catches him doing it.

He nods nonetheless. 

‘’One more time,’’ Jongin leans in. This time, he nudges their faces closer, angling his head before closing the distance, eyes half-lidded to watch Kyungsoo close his eyes in return.

The press of lips is far gentler. It doesn’t last long; just a little peck.

Yet the same happens like before, and Kyungsoo feels a puff of air from Jongin who whispers: ‘’one more.’’

So Kyungsoo is the one to close the distance, not knowing what he’s doing - barely knowing if Jongin knows either.

There’s tentative nipping after the fifth slow and innocent kiss, one where Jongin moves with the motion of leaning closer, breathing out through his mouth -  something resembling a low moan; something that surprises Kyungsoo, leaving his stomach feeling warmer than ever.

And Jongin’s hand from before claims a spot on Kyungsoo’s thigh by sneaking beneath the apron up higher, the scrape of his nails there leaving a trail of electricity along Kyungsoo’s inner-thigh that makes the elder squirm and his thighs clench, mouth opening to ease out a breathy noise.

Jongin takes advantage of this, and mimics what he did earlier; slips his tongue in somewhat hesitantly, but quickly finds a way; both moving closer despite Kyungsoo’s breath hitching when their tongues meet and it becomes wet. 

It’s like Jongin can’t help himself; Kyungsoo finds himself leaning backwards, back pressing into the duvet now since Jongin has crawled over him.

Kyungsoo manages to murmur a ‘’I thought-’’ he gulps, looking into brown eyes where the pupils are blown, ‘’thought you didn’t know if you really liked boys that way,’’ his face must be so red, but Jongin doesn’t seem to mind; doesn’t answer either but kisses him again, harder this time.

Kyungsoo distinctively hears a voice travel through the house, one he bunts off but now regrets having ignored just as the door to the room opens and they hear a gasp behind them.

Jongin whips his head up to look over his shoulder, and there Kyungsoo’s mother stands, Minran, who holds a basket of laundry that she now loses on the ground as she mutters a ‘’oh, goodness.’’

And Kyungsoo just stares up at the ceiling for being interrupted again, completely dead there, while Jongin above him turns jittery and looks back and forth between Minran and Kyungsoo, gaping like a goldfish.

At last, Jongin detaches and raises himself; this time being the one with color all the way down to his throat as he bows, one hand holding down in his shirt to cover his crotch all the while.

He’s way taller than Minran, and immediately walks over to help her with the basket on the ground, gathering the scattered clothes there while Kyungsoo has only raised his torso a bit, face blank. 

‘’Could you at least  **_knock_ ** ?’’ he moans in frustration. 

Minran is then the one to look back and forth between Kyungsoo and Jongin with an inquiring glare, not so subtly mouthing the words **_’is that him?’,_ ** ignoring her son’s embarrassment.

Jongin meanwhile introduces himself and honorably apologizes for not having talked to Kyungsoo’s mother first before advancing on Kyungsoo, as if he thinks that Minran is actually going to care.

Minran embraces her own cheek nonetheless as she coos and plays a good  _ motherly mother. _

As if she hadn’t been waving a spatula some days ago in the kitchen, saying that Kyungsoo seriously needed to get out and socialize due to being so gloomy-- and within other, more modern words said: **you need to** **get laid**. 

The woman now smiles widely for someone who just caught her teenage son having a go with another boy on a bed.

‘’My, what a polite young man you are,’’ she mutters.

Since Kyungsoo has waddled over to them, she pinches his arm and leans close, not subtle at all as she whispers  _ ‘’I can understand why you’d go gay for that.’’ _

**‘’Mom!’’** Kyungsoo looks affronted, does his best to look strict despite that the bobby pins have fallen out again and his hair's a mess, and his apron is hanging loosely.

Jongin stands before them looking nervous, watching as bickering between a mother and son ensues in front of him.

‘’So he’s the reason as to why you’ve been so upset lately?’’ she pries because they’ve talked about it before but Kyungsoo hasn’t mentioned any names, and Kyungsoo’s jaw nearly falls off it hinges, frantic: ‘’ **no!** I mean yes but-- it’s not that-’’

Minran looks at Jongin, eyes knowing, ‘’ _ teenagers _ and love, right?’’ -  _ ‘’Mom, I’m almost twenty!’’  _ \- ‘’Well, it seems like you’ve figured it out though,’’ she looks between them, wrinkles shaping on her forehead from raising her brows.

‘’He was shattered some nights, so I  _ do  _ hope you’ll treat him with utmost respect, okay? Or you’ll have to deal with me.’’

There’s a polite smile on her lips but her eyes tell no joke.

‘’And remember condoms,’’ her fingers drum on the basket. She holds one hand up to raise a warning finger: ‘’condoms or no sex, and that’s final.’’

Kyungsoo starts fidgeting on his feet and gently nudges at her. Minran is pushed out of the room though she leans back to peek her head in again, booming:   **_‘’Don’t be silly, wrap your-’’_ **

The door finally closes as Kyungsoo manages to lock it, leaning there.

Minran’s laugh can be heard from the other side, and she shouts a cheery ‘’have fun, boys. Not too much fun,’’ before walking down the hall.

Jongin opens his mouth, but closes it again.

There’s a dangerous flash in Kyungsoo’s eyes though.

‘’You heard nothing,’’ he says, and Jongin just shakes his head as fast as possible, mouth zipped.

‘’So,’’ a cloud puffs from Jongin’s mouth as he speaks, and he’s dressed in his coat, shades too even if it’s dark and he has got his mask around his neck for now, standing outside on the front step to the house.

‘’We’re dating?’’ he says, voice a little shy, eyes crinkling when Kyungsoo nods. 

Jongin has been here for some hours now and even ate dinner; the first minutes through the meal awkward though Minran didn’t pry any further and instead encouraged Jongin to introduce himself.

‘’Yeah,’’ Kyungsoo confirms it, a soft smile on his lips. ‘’We’re dating.’’

It’s silent between them, just for a minute, where they look into each other’s eyes, a rhythm they’ve already gotten into despite this being the first time they’ve seen each other in the flesh.

‘’Are you..,’’ Jongin bids in though, the approach gentle. ‘’Are you okay?’’

‘’Okay?’’

‘’I mean. Is this okay? With me being… a bit famous and all and… yeah. After the past weeks I just…,’’ Jongin takes a step forward. ‘’I just need to know if you’re okay.’’

Kyungsoo stares back, speechless for a second.

He has one hand on the door frame, but lets go of it, stance changing.

‘’Yeah I’m…,’’ he’s surprised by how content he feels.

Not ecstatic like before, but just… happy. 

Or relieved.

‘’Yeah. I’m… I’m okay.’’

He takes a step forward too, even if it’s cold outside and the fabric of his penguin slippers won’t be happy about the snow and cold pavement. 

‘’Are you?’’

Jongin doesn’t hesitate.

‘’I’m okay,’’ he says. ‘’I’m better than okay.’’

Silence again.

Kyungsoo blinks. ‘’That’s great, I mean… that’s wonderful,’’ he smiles down at the pavement; and this one might just strain his cheeks.

‘’You know,’’ Jongin takes Kyungsoo’s hand; another ritual they’ve made in such a short amount of time, where their hands entwine. ‘’I think I’m past stage one already, somehow,’’ he says rather sheepishly.

‘’Stage?’’ Kyungsoo is the one who’s perplexed this time.

‘’Yeah. Because I… I think I’m the type who falls deep, you know? Rarely, but deeply,’’ Jongin doesn’t break the eyecontact. ‘’And I haven’t had a crush on anyone before. Not even as a kid.’’ 

His thumb digs into Kyungsoo’s palm. ‘’I might just sound like a delusional teenager, but I couldn’t imagine it to be anyone else than you right now.’’

‘’Yeah?’’ Kyungsoo feels breathless.

‘’And we might have a lot of flaws each. We might end up having a lot of fights. The journey might even end up being short,’’ Jongin says, ‘’but I’m glad it’s you… I’m glad you’re you. And I’ll focus on that.’’

He takes a deep breath: ‘’and most of all, I hope that we won’t fall in love in just one way. Or just romantically..,’’

‘’Because love that never changes will wither in its glory that turns to dread, but love that forms itself through time and evolves in different ways may go on for a millennium.’’

He smiles. ‘’Right?’’

Kyungsoo squeezes Jongin’s hand.

He doesn’t say anything, but leans closer and nudges his face against Jongin’s coat, and Jongin kisses the top of Kyungsoo’s head in return.


	7. MY FAVORITE THING TO DO

Christmas is just around the corner.

Which means that presents are supposed to be bought.

One for Jongin too.

Kyungsoo wonders though - 

If that’s okay, since they’re supposed to take it slow.

But he already knows the answer as he trots around in the mall - coincidentally the one he fled from weeks ago.

‘’What do you think Jongin would want?’’ he huffs into his phone, nose crinkling as he sniffs, and luckily it’s far warmer in here than it is outside, where snow fills the streets and disrupts traffic.

_ ‘’My ass.’’ _

‘’Yifan…,’’ Kyungsoo sighs.

_ ‘’What about a scarf?’’ _ Junmyeon suggests on the speaker somewhere in the background. 

‘’A scarf…,’’  _ that’s no better _ , Kyungsoo thinks and turns around, still wearing an exaggeratedly big winter coat, though the hoodie has been pulled down, his hair unruly and glasses perched on his nose.

‘’ _ Man, it’s a shame you can’t spend christmas with us,’’  _ Yifan mentions, some scrambling sounding on the other line and a movie stopping in the background, Junmyeon joining the conversation, voice louder.

_ ‘’He lives too far away. You think he’d spend so much money just to see your face?’’  _

_ ‘’What are you trying to say, church boy?’’ _

_ ‘’I’m a  _ **_buddhist_ ** _!’’’ _

Kyungsoo only listens to their bickering half-heatedly, standing inside a game store, his brows furrowed as he looks down the row.

Jongin isn’t the type to talk much about games, though he does play them and has suggested for the two of them to play some when they can manage to have a sleepover in the future.

‘’I’m glad you two made up,’’ Kyungsoo absentmindedly says into the phone though, even if he’s the one who caused the internet distress by disliking the Tokyo Ghoul anime.

Despite Skype discussions and the many times Junmyeon has said he’s packing, they all make up again and Junmyeon is totally lying about it anyway.

_ ‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about,’’ _ Junmyeon replies, though there’s a quirk in his voice.  _ ‘’You guys are like two big babies I have to take care of.’’ _

_ ‘’But I’m your favorite child, right,’’  _ Yifan quips -

_ ‘’Least,’’ _ is the reply, followed by some more bickering.

Kyungsoo leaves the game store when he notices the bookstore instead, his eyes following the trail with a fairytale section that Jongin hasn’t actually said he likes, but Kyungsoo already knows a lot about Jongin’s taste in books, being an avid watcher of his videos back in time and all.

It reminds him that he’s not the only one watching Jongin on the screen, nor far from the only one nursing a minor or big crush on the internet star.

Which also means that Jongin, as Kyungsoo has seen before during Christmas vlogging, receives lots of presents from his fans— some that are incredibly, almost stupidly expensive. 

‘’Oh god,’’ Kyungsoo rubs his forehead and tries to think hard of what to buy, phone still nestled up close to his ear.

_ ‘’Hey Soo,’’  _ Yifan interrupts, and Junmyeon probably listens.

_ ‘’Not that I’m an expert, but I’m pretty sure that Jongin has got the hots for you. And altogether, no matter what you buy, he’s going to love it. What matters the most is the thoughts behind it or the fact that you want to make Jongin happy, right? Instead of being materialistic, then think of the intentions, and what it means to you. What your description will be when he opens it too,’’  _ he explains, voice with the usual rasp but a soft undertone.

_ ‘’There’s no need to worry about him being disappointed, because the thought alone is enough.’’  _

Kyungsoo’s fingertips trail over the back of some books. ‘’Yeah,’’ he mumbles. ‘’You're right, Yifan.’’

_ ‘’Since when did you get this deep?’’  _ Junmyeon sounds bemused, but only for teasing.

_ ‘’What? You complaining?’’ _

_ ‘’Yeah, using your head a lil’ often won’t hurt anyone.’’ _

_ ‘’Oh, I thought I went deep enough yesterday-’’  _

There’s some rustling and a low  _ ‘ouch’ _ , a gurgle of Junmyeon growling  **_‘’Yifan,’’_ ** as Junmyeon takes over and switches to single-speaker. 

Kyungsoo silently deletes the mental images and only laughs when Junmyeon’s breath is hasty as he takes the phone.

_ ‘’So, do you know what to buy?’’ _ he asks.

Kyungsoo makes a drawn-out sound, and at last ends it with a ‘meh’. ‘’I have no idea, really,’’ he says. ‘’I could buy him a novel, but I could also buy him a cute fairy tale book. I could buy him a game, but I could also buy him-’’

_ ‘’Have you considered asking him what he wants?’’  _ Junmyeon interrupts.

At this, Kyungsoo stops. ‘’No, I… no I haven’t.’’

‘’Well,’’ there’s a cough.

Yifan in the background saying  _ ‘wait, you haven’t even asked yet? what the-’ _ followed by another  **_‘ouch’_ ** .

_ ‘’Maybe you should give him a call and try to ask him first. Just to clarify some things?’’  _

‘’Yeah, that’d be a good idea.’’ 

He laughs, just at himself and at the fact that he knows there’s still some communication problems, mostly airing from Kyungsoo’s side in this matter, assuming things on his own.

_ ‘’Call us later, alright? Also, during Christmas Morning you better skype us so that we can see your face when you open my present. Seriously.’’ _

_ ‘’Mine is better than Junmyeon’s-’’  _ another  **_‘ouch’_ ** .

‘’Sure. Won’t forget, I promise’’ Kyungsoo promises, smiling mellowly. ‘’See you two,’’ he ends the call. 

He looks at the phone, at briefly at his background at the selca Jongin and he took before Jongin left some days ago.

It’s a bit clumsy, and Jongin has pushed himself close so that their cheeks are rubbing and Kyungsoo’s glasses end up skewed.

There’s no burst of ecstasy in Kyungsoo’s chest - 

But something else. Just a pinch of happiness, of comfort and a strange sense of normalcy dedicated to him. 

He dials Jongin’s number then, finding a bench in the open mall where he places himself, looking up at the high glass ceiling.

_ ‘’Yes?’’  _ a voice says, cool and a little distant for now. Jongin mustn’t have seen the caller.

‘’It’s the police,’’ Kyungsoo says, voice monotone.

There’s a brief silence. 

Then the start of a laugh and Jongin who breathes out deeply,  _ ‘’Kyungsoo…’’ _

‘’Did I scare you?’’ Kyungsoo must be smiling ridiculously wide now, holding his breath as he hears Jongin murmur a  _ ‘’only a bit.’’ _

‘’Good,’’ the elder looks down at his lap to hide the grin from bypassers, his free hand fidgeting with the zipper on his open coat.

He doesn’t even get to say anything else or explain why he called before Jongin murmurs a soft  _ ‘’I’ve missed you.’’ _

And Kyungsoo sort of wants to whap Jongin’s fingers with a rolled newspaper, because Jongin is just so  _ intimate _ , the way his voice sounds breathy but warm at the same time, for one person only, and says these things so freely like it isn’t hard enough for Kyungsoo to simply compliment someone’s shoes.

‘’Last time you saw me was when we decided to date a few couple of days ago,’’ Kyungsoo says, unable to keep the fondness out of his voice nonetheless, and feels warm in his stomach for a second, longing.

But maybe it’s also good to be a little apart and think things through. 

They’ve even chatted through the night afterwards, sending each other good morning texts too before Jongin had to busy himself with training.

_ ‘’I know,’’ _ Jongin says, whining a bit,  _ ‘’but I want to be with you.’’  _

‘’Clingy,’’ Kyungsoo remarks, his feet turning in, tips of his sneakers touching each other. 

What he gets in response is a warbled howl of a sort, making Kyungsoo mutter a ‘’but I’ve missed you too, so we’re even....’’

_ ‘’Ah, I  _ **_knew_ ** _ it.’’ _

‘’Anyway,’’ Kyungsoo’s hand goes up to fix the scruff on his coat, fingers fidgeting - ‘’um, it’s - it’s Christmas Eve and Morning in a few days, right?’’

Jongin sounds amused. ‘’Yeah?’’

‘’So, I was thinking,’’ Kyungsoo clears his throat. ‘’What do you want? I mean, as present. Is there something you want? Maybe a book, or, like a pendant or-’’

_ ‘’A hug.’’ _

Kyungsoo stills. ‘’A hug?’’

_ ‘’Yeah. And a kiss.’’ _

There’s a pause.  _ ‘’Maybe two kisses?’’ _

Kyungsoo feels sheepish. ‘’A hug can be arranged,’’ he teases. ‘’Maybe three kisses, if you behave.’’

_ ‘’Oh, if I behave?’’  _

Kyungsoo nods, despite Jongin not seeing it, ‘’mhmm. But only if.’’

_ ‘’Don’t worry,’’ _ Jongin says.  _ ‘’I’ll be good for you. Can’t have me on Santa’s naughty list, right?’’  _

‘’No, that’s true. I think I’m already there though.’’

_ ‘’What?’’ _ there’s some rustling, someone speaking in the background that Jongin shortly answers, afterwards putting the phone up again - ‘ _ ’but you’re an  _ **_angel_ ** _ , Soo.’’ _

**‘’Har-har,’’** Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, ‘’you’re already buttering me up, aren’t you?’’

_ ‘’If it gets me more kisses,’’ _ there’s a brief  _ ‘hmm’ _ pause,  _ ‘’then yes.’’ _

‘’You’re so gay.’’

_ ‘’Pansexual, I think.’’  _

‘’Oh?’’ Kyungsoo rearranges his hold on the phone, leaning back. ’’What’s that?’’ 

_ ‘’I looked it up when I got home after our talk, actually... means my attraction toward people doesn’t limit itself to sex or gender identity.’’ _

‘’That’s flexible,’’ Kyungsoo says. 

_ ‘’Mhm.’’ _

‘’Are you sure about it?’’

_ ‘’Yeah, I think so. I’ve never bothered to look up sexuality preferences before, because um, well, I’ve never had a crush on anyone before nor have I felt sexually attracted to anyone either. Gender isn’t a problem to me, I’ve realised too.’’ _

‘’But also… what about partly being demiromantic? Or demisexual.’’ Kyungsoo offers, scratching the back of his head, some words blurry in his head but surfacing from his daily internet escapades.

_ ‘’Demi?’’  _ Jongin questions.

‘’I think it means that like- you only get a romantic interest in someone after a deep bond or impression has been made. Same with sex.’’

He continues - ‘’Like, you get sexually attracted to someone if you share a deep bond - or only feel sexually attracted due to the intimate feelings you share, and not due to appearance. You overall don’t spare a thought to visual looks unless the person is close to you or has personality character traits you find attractive.’’

_ ‘’And people only limit sexualities to being hetero or homosexual,’’  _ Jongin murmurs in response, sounding puzzled. 

‘’It’s easier that way for many, I guess. Putting things in two boxes and pick from it, also due to history where beliefs made people think these were the only possible ones, and it only went for  _ who  _ you were attracted to, and not why or how. It’s also the basic stereotypes of what sexuality can contain in the public eye. Homosexuality is first getting accepted now in some places. Not so much here, even.’’

_ ‘’This is confusing to me too.’’ _

‘’Yeah. But there’s many types around, I guess. My friend, Yixing, is asexual for an example.’’

_ ‘’Asexual?’’ _

‘’Means he doesn’t feel sexually attracted to people. But it differs what kind of asexuality one deals with, and aces who are sex-repulsed don’t want have sex at all, while sex-neutral people don’t mind either way, and there’s lots of sex-positive asexuals too. Trust me- Yixing is a perverted fucker.’’

_ ‘’I can only imagine,’’  _ Jongin bids. _ ‘’Hm, there’s a lot to learn.’’ _

‘’’We’ll learn, eventually,’’ Kyungsoo murmurs, smiling to himself. ‘’Preferences can change over the years too.’’

_ ‘’What about others?’’ _

‘’Eventually,’’ Kyungsoo repeats. ‘’Maybe in a few hundred years.’’

_ ‘’Wow,’’ _ Jongin laughs.

‘’But pansexual?’’ Kyungsoo reconfirms. 

_ ‘’Yep. So far. Demisexual too.’’ _

‘’So, if I happened to changed gender, became genderfluid or found out I was a woman, you’d still love me?’’ 

_ ‘’I would buy you a dress and pretty hairbands.’’ _

‘’That’s assuming becoming a woman means I’d wear dresses and feminine clothing only.’’

_ ‘’I mean I would use the right pronouns and kiss you day in and out, buy you all the black clothes you want that matches the color of your soul.’’ _

‘’’Shush, you,’’ Kyungsoo laughs. 

_ ‘’You’re a hard man to please, Kyungsoo.’’ _ Jongin sounds fond,  _ ‘’but you’re definitely worth it.’’ _

‘’I would do the same for you.’’ 

_ ‘’Well, it’s not a matter of being brave for doing it. It’s just love. To me.’’ _

‘’You sappy fuck. Well, I’m a man, so deal with it.’’ 

_ ‘’The manliest of them all.’’ _

‘’Sarcasm?’’

_ ‘’Not at all.’’ _

‘’Jongin, you’re so…,’’ 

**‘’FUCK!’’ -** Kyungsoo startles, flying up from the bench when two hands suddenly grab his shoulders, and Minseok peeks in from behind, leaning over the bench, a wily smirk on his lips and a raised brow.

‘’Sup,’’ he says, for an elite math student who takes a seat, swinging his legs with a pleased look on his face. 

Kyungsoo is not done holding a hand over his heart, phone against his throat. 

His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets when he sees the other’s attire - it being a winter-coat, t-shirt,  _ football shorts and socks _ .

‘’What are you  _ wearing _ ? Your dick is gonna shrivel up and die like that,’’ he wheezes, adjusting his glasses.

Minseok looks down himself. Then shrugs. ‘’It’s fine.’’

Kyungsoo gives him a skeptical glance, but remembers his call, and hurriedly answers - 

‘’Jongin?’’

_ ‘’Still here.’’ _

‘’Minseok says hi, by the way.’’

‘’I haven’t,’’ Minseok says, playful - 

‘’He also says merry christmas,’’ Kyungsoo gives the other the stink glare.

_ ‘’Right back at him. I gotta train now though, so we’ll talk later, right?’’  _ Jongin says, probably remembering his schedule now.

‘’I’ll call you,’’ Kyungsoo promises.

_ ‘’See you, Soo,’’  _

_ ‘’Love-’’ _ there’s a pause, and a quick twist of words,  _ ‘’christmas!’’  _

Kyungsoo blinks. ‘’I love christmas too,’’ earning an odd look from his friend - ‘’See you!’’

The call ends, and the first thing Kyungsoo does is to glare Minseok down. ‘’You scared the living hell out of me.’’

‘’If only,’’ Minseok crosses his legs, his smile a bit lopsided, ‘’but it seems like it’s stuck in you.’’

‘’You all seem to enjoy calling me the descendant of Satan, don’t you.’’

Minseok makes the  _ ‘meh’ _ face. ‘’So, out buying presents?’’ 

‘’Ah,’’ Kyungsoo smuggles his phone into his pocket again. ‘’Yeah, but I crossed it anyway. I’ve already bought for you and Yixing, my mother, Yifan and Junmyeon.’’ 

‘’What about Chanyeol and Baekhyun?’’ 

‘’A fresh beating seems fitting in that regard.’’ 

‘’Ouch,’’ Minseok wags his eyebrows in the  _ ‘yikes’  _ way. 

‘’But I did buy them presents anyway.’’ 

‘’Of course. What about your boyfriend?’’ 

‘’He’s not my… my...’’

‘’Really,’’ Minseok doesn’t look convinced.

‘’We’re  _ dating _ .’’

‘’Right. Tell me when you’ve knocked him up and Uncle Minseok here has to go buy plushes and a toy car.’’ 

‘’So we  **_might_ ** be boyfriends!’’ Kyungsoo clarifies, stubborn. ‘’Dating, but sort of boyfriends, okay?’’

‘’Whatever you see fit,’’ he gets a wink.

They both look out at the people passing by - big shopping bags held by different individuals. 

Soft jazz plays in the background somewhere, a christmas melody.

‘’What about you? Buying presents?’’ Kyungsoo looks over at his friend, inching closer so that it’s more comfortable. 

Minseok leans an arm on the backrest, around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, giving one a clench, and Kyungsoo leans the touch. ‘’Getting one last thing for Lu han,’’ the elder replies.

‘’You’re going to China to meet him?’’ Kyungsoo turns his head.

‘’Yep,’’ he pops the ‘p’. ‘’Taking the plane this evening, actually. But I’m restless, so I went out here again. I’ll be back in some weeks´ time when the vacation is almost over, though.’’

‘’I’m gonna miss you. So will Yixing.’’’

Minseok smiles. ‘’I’ll miss you guys too.’’

There’s a brief silence. His face changes and he looks rather incredulous. ‘’But really… you’re sure you and Jongin aren’t boyfriends?’’ 

Kyungsoo tilts his head. ‘’Why’re you so persistent?’’

Minseok blinks, twice. ‘’You haven’t been on instagram for a while, have you?’’

Kyungsoo stares back. ‘’Now that you mention it… no, not really. Other than when I… posted a song, and all.’’

There’s some more mutual staring.

Suddenly, Minseok shoves a hand in his own pocket, fumbling his phone out and powering it up, tapping the instagram app.

Kyungsoo perks up. ‘’What is it?’’ he leans closer.

‘’So…, you haven’t seen  _ this _ ?’’ Minseok holds the phone up when it has loaded.

Kyungsoo squints his eyes at the light, leaning in. 

It’s a picture.

Of himself.

Eyes closed and glasses on top of his slicked back hair (pinned with bobby pins anew in a messy manner), still wearing a pink apron, sitting on the bed with his guitar on his lap as he plays the instrument, mouth-half agape.

It’s not a close-up, but almost, of Kyungsoo singing.

From when they had been busted by Kyungsoo’s mom and afterwards Jongin spotted Kyungsoo’s guitar, persuading Kyungsoo to serenade him.

The caption says: 

**kim_kai:** Lucky that I get to hear him live. ( ｡ ´  ‿｀♡ ) 

And the comment section is…

Another dimension.

**kaistagr4m:** is kai ghei???  it tru?? wdh

**kaido-s-love-child:** OMG!!! OGM IT’S REAL ! KAIDO IS REAL PRECH PREACH

**luffy123:** YES PREACH I AGREE KAIDO-S-LOVECHILD THE SHIP HAS SAILED LMAO

**gangzzta:** wher do i get that apron

**seungkwanoppaaa:** they’re just friends!! stop it. delusional idiots ugh

**creepanoona:** who is she ? 

**toothpasta:** kai pls notice me . I Am singl e

Kyungsoo’s eyes zone out a bit. 

Minseok chooses that moment to tap the screen twice and like it. Probably writes a comment and something about  _ ‘uguuuu, d.o oppa is so handsome’. _

Kyungsoo clears his throat. The photo has been taken three days ago, the same day where they met up and got things resolved.

‘’Would you excuse me for a second?’’ he asks, looking at Minseok.

Minseok smiles, looking like he’s on the balance of either being sorry or devilish. ‘’Go for it. I’ll just sit here and scroll through the comments.’’

Kyungsoo doesn’t go away but fishes out his phone and dials the same number as before.

A click. 

_ ‘’Hey Soo. Can’t get enough of me?’’  _ oh, boy -

**‘’Jongin! Weren’t you the one who said we should take it slow?’’**

The words blare into the phone, and though there’s volume in the words, it isn’t loud, but  a hiss. Minseok snorts beside Kyungsoo, gaze lingering on the comment section. 

_ ‘’Soo, what’re are you talking about?’’ _

Kyungsoo’s eyes flash and he looks up and at Minseok for a second, ‘’can you believe it? He has  _ the nerve- _ ’’

He holds the phone up again - 

**‘’Instagram!’’**

Silence fills in, and Kyungsoo is like a hawk trying to decipher what Jongin will do now.

_ ‘’Shit,’’  _ he hears, a small mutter.

_ ‘’I mean- I’m sorry, you were just so cute,’’  _ he starts - 

‘’Jongin, you’re breaking our law, you cheater. We’re supposed to date in  **_secret_ ** !’’

_ ‘’But you were really cute, I mean it’s just a picture and all, like we could be friends on it too-’’ _

‘’While there’s a  **heart emoji** in the caption?’’

_ ‘’It’s called bromance!’’ _

‘’ **Fuck** bromance,’’

‘’Hey, bromance is valid,’’ Minseok comments - 

‘’You **shut it!** ’’ Kyungsoo gurgles, returning to the phone again. 

‘’What do you have to say in defense before I drag you to court?’’

_ ‘’I think I love you. I mean,  _ **_uh_ ** _ , I like you. And I’m really proud of you and who you are.’’ _

‘’Ha- **_ha_ ** , nice try-’’ Kyungsoo stops for a second, stiffening. 

He does a double-take, putting the phone a little away for a second, seeing on the screen that he’s actually having a conversation with Jongin.

Minseok is looking at him. Brows raised. Sly fucker probably heard it all.

Kyungsoo gives him a wide-eyed glance like he’s looking for help, but Minseok decides just then to stretch his legs and hum. 

‘’Oh, well - gotta find that present, right? See you after Christmas, Kyungsoo,’’ and leaves with a finger-gun pointed at Kyungsoo, giving it a click before turning around.

Kyungsoo grants him a tight-lipped smile in return.

Returning to the phonecall - 

‘’Don’t think that’ll make up for it! You posted it without my consent,’’ he murmurs, voice more hushed than before, noticing that some people are looking. ‘’That’s not okay, even if your intentions were good…’’

_ ‘’I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.’’  _ Jongin sounds sincere.

_‘’That was wrong of me. I’ll make it up to you, really,’’_ he says, sounding confident all of sudden.

‘’You will?’’ 

_ ‘’Yeah. Let’s meet up tomorrow at evening.’’ _

‘’Tomorrow? The day before Christmas Eve?’’ 

_ ‘’Yeah, tomorrow. Here at the center outside the mall. I’ve got something for you. A surprise.’’ _

Kyungsoo hasn’t expected this. ‘’Oh,’’ he tongues the inside of one cheek. ‘’Then… I mean, okay. Then let’s… see each other there?’’ 

_ ‘’8 PM, is that okay?’’  _

‘’Yeah, sounds good. See you there.’’ 

_ ‘’Okay, good.’’ _

Jongin doesn’t end the call yet.  _ ‘’Hey, Soo,’’ _ he says - 

_ ‘’I’m really sorry. I should’ve been more considerate, also regarding my rising fame. Yours too.’’ _

Kyungsoo’s chest feels tight, but mostly for the tone Jongin uses. 

‘’Don’t worry, Jongin. I’m just insecure, so… it surprised me. But I don’t mind you posting pictures of me, really. You just said we had to take it slow, so...’’

_ ‘’Let’s just take it at our own pace, alright?’’  _

Kyungsoo smiles. ‘’Yeah,’’ he says.  ‘’Okay. 8PM?’’ 

_ ‘’8PM.’’ _

**Lil_Kreezy:** if ya gunna get dwn dirty behind the mall or smth u better pack a condom

**D.O:** i can’t tell you anything, can i

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Safe sex is important!

**D.O:** what are you?? my parents?? hagrid to my harry potter??

**D.O:** yifan can barely comfort a sack of potatoes

**Lil_Kreezy:** u laughin now but who gt top position in tha kindergaten as staff in circle votin?? 

**Lil_Kreezy:** das me

**Lil_Kreezy:** :-)

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Make that smiley again and I’ll hit you

**Lil Kreezy:** :-

**D.O:** is he ok

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** He can’t skype right now.

**D.O:** lol ok

**D.O:** but anyway

**D.O:** i’ve barely gotten a wink of sleep this night 

**D.O:** i can’t stop thinking about what jongin wants

**D.O:** there’s like only an hour until i gotta take the train

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Hey

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** See what you’re doing right there?

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Overthinking again

**D.O:** i know but

**D.O:** i didn’t get him a present!

**D.O:** and he told me he loves me and

**D.O:** i overreacted when i found out abt the picture

**D.O:** and like i know we talked about love and everything but what if things go wrong 

**D.O:** he’d get tired of me being insecure and 

**D.O:** i’m just

**D.O:** i’m 

**D.O:** a fucking walnut

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Crossbreed between a walnut and a human-being, actually

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** LOL

**D.O:** thank

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Ok anyway,

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Go for it. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** That’s all I can say, rly

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Bc things haven’t even gone skewed yet but you’re already worrying yourself out of your day rhythm. That isn’t healthy

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Sometimes you just gotta let go

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Which is easier said than done, tbh

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** But sometimes you gotta say that you’re okay. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** You’re okay. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** You’re not perfect

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Jongin isn’t either.

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** You might not be like the ones you compare yourself to-

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** frankly, comparing yourself to others is bad in general. Well, anyway

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** You might’ve shouted a bit

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** And that’s ok. Bc you talked it out

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** And Jongin knows why. And you had a perfectly good reason to react as you did. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Right now you’re dating 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** \- and for the stunts you’ve pulled in the past, I think he’s already aware of your flaws.

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Things already prove to be clumsy - 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** But that doesn’t mean that you’re fragile. That what you two have is fragile.

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** You have to realize that everything is difficult. And everything is easy.

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Attitude or perspective to things mean a lot, too.

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** That’s a part of life. You learn. You let go. You start over. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** You adapt or stray. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Before you guys settle into a pattern of being together comfortably, 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** I might’ve had to repeat this a hundred times.

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** But that’s how it is

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** And we’re here for you. 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** But you gotta be here for you too.

**D.O:** ahh i’m 

**D.O:** i’m so craving

**D.O:** leeching all of these speeches out of my friends lately

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Well, your virgin ass is in a tight situation right now and the tumult of thoughts don’t just stop when you’re no longer a teenager

**D.O:** omg jumnyun, language 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** Motha

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** fuckin 

**$JUNM0N3Y$:** virgin

**D.O:** yifan pls do smth about mom 

**Lil_Kreezy:** thayy grow up so fast :’-(

**D.O:** what

  


The streets are dark, but the mall is still open for the people who want to buy the last couple of presents.

Kyungsoo is buried in his winter coat, walking around in front of the fountain which water whistles, the power on low and the lamps in the ground lighting a path around the outer frame. 

It’s cold, but not that cold. He hasn’t brought mittens and has instead got his hands in his pockets, glancing around.

It’s still packed with people here and there - in a city that never sleeps, where many are free to go now and visit restaurants among other things.

Kyungsoo checks his phone again, even if he knows he’s ten minutes too early. 

He almost loses it in the fountain when someone pokes him in the side, startling him. People have a habit of doing so, apparently.

‘’Hey, eskimo,’’ Jongin says, and though it’s dark, his hair is still bleached silver and nearly glows in the dark. So does his smile, bright as he stands before Kyungsoo, the both of them lighted a bit up by the nearby lampposts and the path around the fountain.

Kyungsoo finds himself struck dumb for a moment.

Maybe because it’s the second time they get to see each other in person. Things are strange.

But this is real. It’s not a dream. 

And about five months ago, Kyungsoo would never have believed that he’d be standing in front of someone he has admired for over two years, an aspiring model and dancer. 

Kai, or Kim Jongin.

There’s so much Kyungsoo could worry about.

In regards to fans. 

In regards to the future —

Past, and the little commotion earlier along with the fact that Kyungsoo has brought no present.

Though right now, it vanishes —

And he’s sure he’ll fall in love with the man before him in more than just one way, more than he already has.

‘’Hey Jongin,’’ he says, the smile on his lips rather dopey, face half-hidden by the hood of his coat.

Jongin doesn’t hesitate but leans closer and fits his face into the hole front of the hoodie, aligning their nose tips.

‘’Almost couldn’t see you for that jacket,’’ he says, his breath warm across Kyungsoo’s lips, and Kyungsoo has got a hand taken up to linger on Jongin’s hip beneath his jacket, even if Kyungsoo’s fingers are probably cold.

Jongin wears a simple jacket along with mittens and earmuffs for outwear. 

‘’Was it a crowded ride here?’’ he asks, even if he has probably taken the train too from one district to another.

‘’No, it was fine,’’ Kyungsoo responds. 

Something crosses his mind. ‘’Why 8PM though?’’ 

Jongin shrugs. ‘’It’s a part of the apology.’’

‘’What is?’’ 

The younger checks his phone - muttering a small ‘’two minutes left,’’ shuffling it down again.

‘’What?’’ Kyungsoo takes a step closer, if possible, and Jongin simply shrugs, smiling oddly.

‘’Is it only for the apology?’’ Kyungsoo asks.

‘’No, it’s something I’ve plotted for a while. And since it’s christmas and all, and we’re both busy tomorrow, and I got a tight schedule in the vacation, I just thought… we should meet up.’’

Kyungsoo blinks. Well, that is reasonable.

Because now they should get familiar with each other’s presence. 

Kyungsoo has every right to meet up with Jongin. To scold Jongin. To reason with him. To want to spend time together. To sing him songs, or to post pictures of them together or to complain to him.

‘’Well I…, think it’s a great idea too,’’ he murmurs, looking up at Jongin with a firm nod. 

‘’and you know I’m still… I’m sorry for lashing out. Before. About the picture thing.’’

Jongin stares at the fountain for a second. 

Then back at Kyungsoo, licking his lips, shifting his weight on his feet, ‘’what?’’ he says - looking distracted - ‘’No, I mean- don’t worry about it. It was my fault.’’ 

He looks at the fountain again, concentrated but nervous, then back at Kyungsoo.

It’s sudden, how he leans in and presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s mouth, just a tender but lingering one, and Kyungsoo is surprised but doesn’t draw away and leans forward even when Jongin withdraws.

Jongin fumbles with something, making a small ‘uh’ as he shows a closed fist in front of Kyungsoo’s chest between them, having taken off one mitten.

‘’Here,’’ he says, palm opening, a little thing glistening in the dark right on the middle of his palm, light reflecting on the surface of the material.

A silver ring, one Kyungsoo can’t see at first, but Jongin picks it up and holds it between a thumb and forefinger then, revealing its subtle yet elegant design, where three gems trail on the front, one big but still flat and small, and two others next to it. 

Despite it’s slightly curved surface, it looks expensive, one of those that’ll surprise one when the price tag pops up next to it in the jewelry store.

Kyungsoo gapes.

And just then, the fountain whirs. The whistling of the water gets louder.

Lights along the platforms turn on, making a stairway of a kind as the water raises to spur over their heads a little away in fine lines, a beautiful show Kyungsoo has only seen a few times before because it’s rarely put on show and only once in awhile.

He’s staring at the water show, and some of the other people do too - cameras clicking in the background and couples or friends puffing to each other. Many assembling to adore the view.

The additional lamps light up Jongin’s form next to Kyungsoo, Jongin who’s looking at Kyungsoo with a serious face expression despite the mellow hint in his eyes, shadows sculpting his face and all the things that makes Kyungsoo doubt that this could possibly be real.

‘’For you,’’ he says, nudging the ring forward, and Kyungsoo takes it with nimble, careful fingers.

Their eyes meet halfway.

‘’Kyungsoo,’’ Jongin says, his adam’s apple bobbing with the subsequent pause.

‘’You’re my first love.’’

‘’I like you a lot. I  **_love_ ** you.’’

‘’Even if we haven’t known each other for a long time. Even if we’re both young.’’

He inches a little closer, an urgent expression on his face. ‘’I don’t care if this is just the first love one has to get through. I don’t care if it’ll be short, or even if this might last for the years to come.’’ 

‘’Or that I’m being absurdly melodramatic right now.’’

One of his hands embrace Kyungsoo’s arm, holding the bicep - ‘’I don’t care what other people say about love, how the pattern goes and what’s good for me and what I should do and what other people have experienced.’’

‘’But I care about you. 

‘’About us.’’ 

‘’And I know it’s too fast to say all these things. I could say it a thousand times already, and I’m probably going to say it a thousand times onward even if you get tired of it.’’ 

‘’But I hope we fall in love in a thousand ways. Or at least just more than once.’’ 

He swallows thickly. ‘’We won’t always get butterflies from being with each other,’’ there’s a pause, ‘’but I hope we’ll help each other grow and learn, when we’re on the edge or in centrum.’’ 

‘’I don’t care if these words don’t stay true forever, from either side.’’ 

‘’So far, you can make me angry and sad at the same time like no one else, but also just... really, really happy.’’

He nods to himself. ‘’The important thing is that I know what I feel tonight, and who I want to be with.’’ 

‘’And that’s you.’’

The water runs in the background, along with the awe of the audience bestowing it glances before them.

Kyungsoo is still staring, looking at the ring for a second, speechless.

‘’Jongin,’’ he whispers. 

‘’Are you,’’ his brows furrow, ‘’proposing to me?’’

Something blanches on Jongin’s face - 

‘’Wait, no!’’ he holds a hand out, ‘’no I’m- the ring is one I got from my model bureau some time ago - I actually got two for modelling and all and, since it was pretty, then, um. I’d give it to you. As a couple ring, you know?’’ 

He makes a woozy sound through his teeth, ‘’It’s- I’m just trying to say that, uh,’’ his nose crinkles, ‘’I’d like to reserve a spot as your boyfriend.’’

His voice turns a little quieter, ‘’so that… no one else takes it.’’

Kyungsoo hunchies his head a bit back. ‘’Who’s going to take it?’’

**_‘’Kyungsoo!’’_ **

‘’Alright, okay- I’ll book it for you,’’ he almost rolls his eyes.  ‘’Only if you book a place for me too.’’

Jongin tongues the inside of one cheek, a sheepish grin threatening to surface. ‘’Okay, if  _ I have to _ . That’s only fair,’’ he says.

‘’You can’t reconsider this, you know that, don’t you?’’ Kyungsoo replies, voice monotone. ‘’I’ve already written my name in your schedule with a big fat tusch.’’

Jongin doesn’t respond, but takes the ring and slides it onto Kyungsoo’s ring finger, the pace slow.

‘’What am I. A girl?’’ Kyungsoo huffs, a tug at each corner of his lips, far too wide.

‘’That would be to assume receiving a ring is only a thing girls can do, also forcing straight stereotypes on a homosexual relationship.’’

Kyungsoo squints his eyes. ‘’Touché.’’

Jongin has only tugged off one of his mittens. Shedding the other, his hand reveals a ring similar to the one Kyungsoo is wearing. 

They link their fingers, both looking down at their hands pressed together.

‘’I’ve actually also booked a spot in a café nearby,’’ Jongin says, belatedly.

‘’Sir…., you’re spoiling me,’’ Kyungsoo fakes his mortification.

‘’Yes, and unfortunately,’’ Jongin gives Kyungsoo’s hand a fond clench, ‘’I think it’s becoming my favorite thing to do.’’

**Lil_Kreezy:** so how’d i tgo

**D.O:** what ? ?

**Lil_Kreezy:** ur funeral n all

**Lil_Kreezy:** no man i mean the date jfc

**D.O:** ah i mean it went okay

**Lil_Kreezy:** wht happned? tell me

**Lil_Kreezy:** whut he got u?? 

**Lil_Kreezy:** magnum condom 4 maximum dong?

**D.O:** ok i’ll tell u

**D.O:** it was amazing

**Lil_Kreezy:** jst tell me alredu

**D.O:** he got me 

**Lil_Kreezy:** ye??? 

**D.O:** deez nuts

**Lil Kreezy:**

**Lil Kreezy:**

**Lil Kreezy:**

**Lil_Kreezy:** fuk u kyuneso

**Lil_Kreezy:** i haevn’t done anythong 2 deserve this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposted


End file.
